Intimacy: Gagging for it

Gagging for it

By comeuntome - 29/11/2012 19:42 - United States

Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking, cursing, and anything even remotely sexual. I smuggled in my quietest toy to keep me sane in this holy house. If only I hadn't forgotten to bring the battery pack too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 966

You deserved it 29 846

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By welptimetoburntheplacedown - 11/08/2014 15:02 - United States - Louisville

Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 307

You deserved it 3 702

The heart wants what it wants

By Anonymous - 03/12/2023 03:00

Today, my strictly religious parents found my vibrator. I’m a man and when they found out I masturbate with a penis shaped vibe up my ass they went Catholic nuclear on me. I'm trying to ignore them but they have sent up camp in my living room and refuse to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 241

The agony and the ecstasy

By Anonymous - 01/05/2023 12:00

Today, I got home from my vacation. The last few days of my trip, I stayed at my father's house. I was having trouble sleeping last night so I decided to use a little "discreet" vibrator that I travel with. When I unpacked back home, I realized I'd forgotten the vibrator in my bed at my father's house. I'm mortified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 1 012

Judgment Day

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Pratt

Today, my fiancé and I are house-sitting for my future in-laws for the next 3 weeks. They left a bible in both bedrooms, along with printouts of an article denouncing the "sin" of premarital sex. They're such complete whack-jobs, I wouldn't be surprised if they've set up hidden cameras everywhere too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 907

You deserved it 2 002

By piliseep - 03/10/2017 04:30

Today, I had to sit outside with nothing but a large bottle of wine to keep me company and no way to block out the sounds of my cousins loudly having sex with my two roommates upstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 114

You deserved it 381

By toriforever - 05/07/2010 23:22 - United States

Today, I have to pack for tomorrow's family vacation. For one week I get to be stuck in a one bedroom cabin with my alcoholic father, bipolar mother, and two much younger siblings who have a passion for screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 628

You deserved it 4 359

Probably

By Not superstitious, but... - 14/06/2023 04:00 - United States - Midlothian

Today, it's the first day that my overbearing and too-controlling parents are gone on a 2-week-long vacation, trusting me enough to take care of the house while they're gone. So far, I've broken a plate (it was in the microwave less than a minute before it exploded) and the power's gone out. Bad omens? FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 168

Freedom

By notsoaloneanymore - 17/06/2016 04:32 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my parents left on vacation for the week. Taking advantage of my freedom, I was planning on having my boyfriend over. My grandparents just showed up as they "thought I would be lonely." I can't get rid of them. Looks like I'm not having any fun this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 076

You deserved it 3 183

It's all downhill from here

By Anonymous - 06/10/2022 10:00 - United Kingdom - Farnborough

Today, my parents searched my room because yesterday they found one of my friends vapes in my bag, which they made me return. Sadly, they found a box vape with 2 e-juices and gave me a talking to. So now, I'm never allowed out of the house until I'm 18 (I'm 14 right now) and I'm never allowed friends over. Also, they're really mean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 2 469

By smh - 10/09/2015 06:09 - Canada

Today, after coming home from a long day at work, I found out that in a house full of 5 adults, some rules still need to be set. The newest addition to the rules: No watching porn and jerking off in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 776

You deserved it 2 294

TopBanana20 11

Friday 30 November 2012 2:05

It's two weeks -_-. Get a grip. I think you can survive two weeks without any of that stuff.

AninOnin 24

Friday 30 November 2012 2:03

Go buy some?

Comments

WCARlover 34

Friday 30 November 2012 2:09

You'll survive...anyone else thinking this isn't exactly FML worthy?

EMTchic 14

Friday 30 November 2012 2:09

You said you are staying at your in-laws . . . In that case, shouldn't your spouse be with you??? In which case, you shouldn't need a toy, as long as the two of you can keep it down. And if you can't stay quiet, I don't see how a toy is going to change that.

wickedninja918 1

Friday 30 November 2012 2:36

unless op's bf listens to his parents' rules

TrailblazerSS 5

Friday 30 November 2012 2:10

It sure looks like you screwed yourself. No? Okay..

Enslaved 36

Friday 30 November 2012 2:12

Okay, so just use your hands instead. Aren't you "married" if they're your in-laws? Surely they'd know you would be sexual. . .unless you're visiting without your husband being there.

UsernameHere234 13

Friday 30 November 2012 9:05

Thank you for pointing out the obvious. No one just uses their hand anymore do they?

benmec 18

Friday 30 November 2012 11:58

Yes! Use your hands, but more importantly....your imagination. The mind is the most erotic of all!

hulksmash666 5

Friday 30 November 2012 2:13

You'll survive.

lostcrazydiamond 10

Friday 30 November 2012 2:13

You'll live. No drinking, smoking, or cursing for two weeks is something that is totally achievable. It's their house; humor their rules. As for no sex, are they going to chaperone 24/7?

agsilver 14

Friday 30 November 2012 2:17

Use it the old-fashioned way, in and out, in an out.

ladylilly25 20

Friday 30 November 2012 2:22

That's what you have fingers for. ;)

ICastillo 24

Friday 30 November 2012 5:37

Yeah OP you just have to flick the bean.

teotsi 28

Monday 16 June 2014 21:25

Fists will work too.

SaturnV 25

Friday 30 November 2012 2:23

Probably best to honor the rules of their home for the duration of your stay, though I would imagine the no sex rule would be difficult for them to enforce if you are discreet. Speak to your husband about scheduling shorter visits with his parents or staying at a hotel in the future.