Love: Get away from me

Get away from me

By Jinthebar - 06/05/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone" in a seductive tone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 151

You deserved it 7 961

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Same thing different taste

By snitchovich - 27/05/2009 16:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting in a bar next to this gorgeous guy who kept eyeing me up and after about 30 minutes he finally leaned in to whisper something in my ear. What he said? "If I were you, I would get a push-up bra." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 859

You deserved it 6 046

Mr. Smooth

By funkmylife69 - 23/09/2019 06:06

Today, I made out with the guy I've had a huge crush on for the first time. He wrapped his arms around me, and whispered softly into my ear, "I can't wait to bone you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 577

You deserved it 474

By Ad-s - 14/01/2009 05:01 - France

Today, I got together with a small gathering of friends in a bar. I go up to the bar to order something, but with all the music and noise, the barman can't hear what I'm trying to say, so he leans forward, cocking his ear towards me. For some reason, I thought he was being friendly so I kissed him as if we were saying hello to each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 433

You deserved it 22 874

Charming

By Anonymous - 27/09/2024 20:00 - Australia

Today, I was on a date, everything was charming and fun, so I went in for a kiss. She turned her head at the last second, and I ended up kissing her ear. We both went on to pretend that it didn’t happen, but the silence was deafening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 110

Joe Smooth move

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 519

You deserved it 38 448

By H-B - 28/04/2009 08:53 - United States

Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 603

You deserved it 88 959

By Anonymous - 20/10/2015 09:44 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 824

You deserved it 3 657

Awww, my feefees

By Erick - 11/05/2024 18:00 - United States

Today, I saw a beautiful girl at the bar. I attempted to be friendly and hit her up for a chat. She called me a “creep” and told me to get lost. A few moments later, another guy does the exact same thing I did and she smiled and kept flirting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 276

By 0ptimu5 - 11/09/2009 04:39 - Australia

Today, I saw a cute girl at a night club. When I approached her and introduced myself, she said "Don't you remember me? We danced here last weekend... but you were smashed that night". I cheekily replied "Oh really? That's hot, what happened next?" She said "You were hitting on me. So, I left." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 695

You deserved it 43 472

By anonymous neighbor - 30/01/2009 14:42 - United States

Today, I went on a date with my really attractive neighbor, and at the end, when I leaned in to make out with her, she shook my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 772

You deserved it 6 641

Jimboom 11

Wednesday 6 May 2009 12:23

Mmm. Kinky. Though I'm more of a traditional kinda guy. I only let them break a finger or a toe on the first date.

LilKonvicted 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 12:11

WATHEHELL?

Comments

dtownklinik 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 22:52

That is as far from a FML as you can get. You should have been all over that like a fat kid on a cup cake. Man up, dude. Seriously.

ThatsAli3 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 22:54

mmm. that's a new one. She was probably joking?

Danastica 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 23:57

hahahaahhaha @121

yaintime21 0

Friday 8 May 2009 1:55

Er... what? 9= lawlz

babyitsfact 0

Friday 8 May 2009 1:59

i'm not sure if i should be disturbed or cracking up.

spitball1074 2

Friday 8 May 2009 2:57

So... she's attractive and she actually WANTED you, but instead, you consider it an FML? What are you, gay?!?!?!!?

Tikal_fml 0

Friday 8 May 2009 11:31

Some people eh?... Weird.

Truan_fml 0

Saturday 9 May 2009 7:24

quit being a bitch and go for sadistic sex, god damnit!

RuralNinja 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 1:09

She sounds like a freak, I say hit it.

Midgetron 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 18:40

thats so strange

Keywords

Break-ups Love Christmas Miscellaneous Poopoo peepee Gross Ironic Argument Friends Awkward Cute Haircut Relatable You're fired Work Cars Covid Health Jealousy Cheating Parenting Kids Family Cats DIY Roommate Sex Am I overreacting? Intimacy Management

The Top

Today, I asked my son to keep my new girlfriend secret from his mom until our divorce was final, and he ran straight to her. She told the judge I was unfaithful and wants more money from our settlement. My son doesn't give a shit about snitching on me, because she's giving him a percentage of the new settlement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 1 844

Today, my parents told me that unless I think about my behaviour and make some real changes, people are going to think I’m weird or suspicious, and I’ll never make friends. This is because I choose to attend church on Sundays instead of watching TV and getting drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 266

The Top

Today, I went to a very crowded restaurant. Being really shy, I requested to sit in the corner, but instead they placed me in the center of the dinning area. I started to eat my food and got really spaced out. Suddenly I sneeze-farted and everyone turned to look at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 055

You deserved it 7 199

Today, while my boyfriend was going down on me, he fell asleep right between my legs. The worst part was I only noticed when he started snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 914

You deserved it 5 988

Today, I had to put up with a student who stubbornly insisted that King Solomon was, in fact, a Pokémon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 628

You deserved it 3 085

Today, my boyfriend cancelled our vacation plans because I'll be on my period, arguing that, "It wouldn't be a real holiday." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 585

You deserved it 8 309

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend at a dinner with our two families. Not only did she flatly reject me, my dad said, "Good call. He's not ready." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 969

You deserved it 6 801

Today, I called my ex-girlfriend to see if she would meet up with me so I could give her money to pay off the rest of the TV we had on layaway before we broke up. Turns out she cancelled it and took all the money I put into it. I put $500 down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 740

You deserved it 419