Valentine's slay, The first time we met and Love: He's a keeper

He's a keeper

By mariana - 08/02/2014 00:18 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 696

You deserved it 10 343

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

National bard

By bad poet - 02/12/2013 01:57 - United States - Millerton

Today, my boyfriend asked me to write him a poem, as I am an avid writer. Happily, I agreed. After hours of working, I proudly presented it to him. He read it, laughed, and said, "No babe, I meant a real poem." Maybe I should rethink my career choice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 748

You deserved it 4 662

Rare and inventive insult

By fuck you - 26/04/2015 08:19 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 244

You deserved it 3 738

Forever

By fmynote - 27/08/2009 23:00 - United States

Today, I wrote a note for my crush of two years, expressing all my feelings for him, signed it as "Forever your lover", then I slipped it into his locker. Later that day, he walked up to me, tossed the note at me, and said, "You know I recognize your handwriting, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 318

You deserved it 29 812

By alphabetman - 14/09/2009 09:56 - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. Thinking I was being cute I spelled out "Marry Me" in alphabet soup, because that's her favorite. She took one look at it and started to laugh. She then began to spell out "no". She still ate the soup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 944

You deserved it 6 800

Always the bridesmaid…

By Anonymous - 25/01/2024 04:00 - Pakistan - Gujranwala

Today, my friend, on whom I have a crush since I can remember, read the most beautiful poem to me, which he'd written himself. After reading it, he said that it was for a girl he likes, and asked me if it was good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 510

You deserved it 132

Nice dude

By ThroatSlasher - 17/08/2015 19:20 - United Kingdom - Grimsby

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He's smart, attractive, and has a steady job. Imagine my surprise when he accepted. Then imagine my surprise when he followed up with, "Hah, just kidding. You're fucking BORING!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 996

You deserved it 2 457

Denied

By Josie Stiger - 19/03/2020 05:00

Today, I wrote out a note to the guy I liked. I went to hand it to him, but he said, "Sorry, that's not mine," and walked away. I was so nervous, I couldn't speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 619

You deserved it 317

By SupaSu - 02/04/2009 05:35 - Canada

Today, I passed the girl I like a note asking her out, signed Mark H. She picked it up, read it, turned around and asked me, "Do you know who Mark H. is?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 767

You deserved it 7 936

Beautiful

By Anonymous - 10/05/2020 05:00

Today, my boyfriend wrote me poetry. Here's how it went: "Roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poetry, show me your tits." That's the most romantic thing he's done for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 426

You deserved it 474

By Maddie110110 - 07/06/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend a long and heartfelt message. He responded with "tl; dr". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 203

You deserved it 6 701

onlychildFTW 33

Saturday 8 February 2014 5:25

I think it's better you not be with a guy like that. There are better guys out there for you. Keep your hopes up OP and good luck.

abusch 9

Saturday 8 February 2014 5:30

Well it would be a very awkward dinner if you didn't swallow anything.

Comments

frizz101 22

Saturday 8 February 2014 20:54

Silver lining, now you won't waist time on a piece of crap :)

jddrinker 6

Saturday 8 February 2014 21:13

I don't understand why people are getting mad at him. So what if he has standards??

squideth 18

Sunday 9 February 2014 1:53

Yeah, so does she. Not to date sexist ****-obsessed losers.

jddrinker 6

Sunday 9 February 2014 14:01

What does swallowing have to do with being obsessed with ****?

sonictardis 8

Sunday 9 February 2014 20:30

sounds like the ones blaming it on **** are the ones who don't watch it.

jddrinker 6

Monday 10 February 2014 2:05

And are extremely prudish.

frizz101 22

Monday 10 February 2014 4:38

It's not about standards or swallowing, it's the fact that he expects OP to give him a ******** on what is probably the first date.

jddrinker 6

Monday 10 February 2014 11:01

No where did he ask for a ********. He just asked if she swallowed.

frizz101 22

Saturday 15 February 2014 8:52

Why would he ask if he wasn't expecting one?

Pilos_in_manu_fml 7

Saturday 8 February 2014 21:19

Being a male of the species myself I would say you can't rule out the possibility that that was just a very bad joke, especially if he's quite young. Many blokes would be too shy to answer a simple "yes", so they compensate with humour. Obviously most men's sense of humour differs alot from women's sense of humour (by this I mean most women don't find "dirty" jokes funny), so it's possible he just thought he was being funny. If he was serious, FYL; if he was being "funny"... well FYL anyway.

wafflefriez91 17

Tuesday 11 February 2014 10:29

I find dirty jokes funny if its my boyfriend and his friends but its not funny if a person who.doesnt know you like that asks that. That's a huge turn off for me. As for swallowing or spitting yuck and yuck do it on my boobs or a towel not in my mouth.

Pilos_in_manu_fml 7

Wednesday 22 October 2014 19:24

Agreed, I wasn't saying that girls don't ever like it, and I'm certainly not saying it was the right thing for him to do. It's just I can imagine a guy saying that for a laugh, so you can't rule out that possibility. Just as trivia, my girlfriend loves "sexy" humour, but I know it would creep her out if a guy she didn't know said something like that to her, be it humour or not.