Cats, Injury and Animals: Heftychonk

Heftychonk

By Backinzi - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my 17 pound cat fell from a counter. It wouldn't have been a big deal if he didn't try to use my leg as a tree to cling onto on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 507

You deserved it 5 076

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Same thing different taste

By HHIChica - 17/09/2009 11:14 - United States

Today, while my 18 pound cat was on the edge of the tub watching me shower, he fell in. Apparently, in his mind, the best way to get away from the water is to climb my bare legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 426

You deserved it 5 843

By crazycat - 13/05/2011 16:23 - Canada

Today, in the early hours of the morning, my cat started scratching at my legs. I got out of bed and he raced me to the stairs, tripping me. I fell all the way down and landed in cat poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 624

You deserved it 5 848

Thanks little buddy

By crushed - 10/03/2021 14:00

Today, I was in the middle of my workout when my cat meowed so loudly, it startled me into dropping a 50-pound weight onto my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 290

Stuck in the middle

By Mark - 20/03/2017 08:00 - United States - Sparks

Today, while I was vacuuming, my cat got scared and tripped me. I landed on the vacuum handle between my legs. Not walking too well right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 697

You deserved it 569

By Anonymous - 31/07/2014 17:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my cat tried to jump up to the window, and missed. This would have been hilarious if I had not been sleeping under that same window, and then caught him with my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 658

You deserved it 4 796

By Anonymous - 28/12/2018 06:00 - United States - Pittsford

Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 149

You deserved it 501

By ouch - 26/03/2011 02:27

Today, my cat fell into the bathtub while walking along the rim. This wouldn't have been so bad if I wasn't in it at the time, and if my skin was immune to being sliced open by a frantic kitty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 220

You deserved it 5 457

Raining cats and dogs

By Fling! - 29/11/2022 05:00 - United States

Today, I tried to put my reclining chair back. My cat and dog were sitting on the very top. It went up in an unexpectedly forceful manner, sending them flying, causing my dog to fall, and my cat to cling for dear life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 626

You deserved it 355

You were framed

By Slippery! - 01/02/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, while walking through my living room, I slipped and nearly fell, narrowly avoiding hitting my head against a nearby door jamb. What did I slip on, you ask? A single cat treat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 163

By MoncaBang - 29/01/2009 21:25 - United States

Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 685

You deserved it 3 453

applecaketree 0

Sunday 31 July 2011 9:27

Your cat needs to diet!

TheBrickWithouse 10

Sunday 31 July 2011 9:26

I've been there. it definitely sucks. FYL.

Comments

juliaaalove 8

Sunday 31 July 2011 9:35

Aww you can't be that mad! Fat animals are the best:)

conversechick98 2

Sunday 31 July 2011 14:22

learn to love the chub!XD

Kriyptic 8

Sunday 31 July 2011 9:48

Sucks lol

gdicp 3

Sunday 31 July 2011 9:49

euthanize all cats!

sean616 3

Sunday 31 July 2011 10:03

wow cats are awesome, why would you say that?

iSurf_fml 8

Sunday 31 July 2011 10:05

Hey, cats aren't that bad...

ImOnEverything 0

Sunday 31 July 2011 9:50

Shave???

santarosakid 5

Sunday 31 July 2011 10:07

yeah your armpits, please hahaha

iSurf_fml 8

Sunday 31 July 2011 10:03

Fat cats are the best cats.

LizzJizz 16

Sunday 31 July 2011 10:14

Awwwww i love chubby kittys n_n meow chicka meow meow!! Sorry op! My cats do that all the time D: hurts like ****** hell

AliSama 17

Sunday 31 July 2011 10:20

make sure it does not get infected if he managed to cut you.

letsgoflyakite 2

Sunday 31 July 2011 10:44

get that little bastard de- clawed!

SBJbabygirl 5

Sunday 31 July 2011 10:59

my cat does the same thing!! She weighs about the same too we call her beefy monkey:)

Petal23 11

Sunday 31 July 2011 11:04

Geez 17 pounds? So even cats are fat in the US?

broomhildo 19

Sunday 31 July 2011 22:26

Because the US is the only place with fat people, right?

Keywords

Cats Poopoo peepee Gross Animals Awkward Smells Love Miscellaneous Embarrassing Painful Health First Dates Work Christmas Music Grieving Social Media Anniversary Boredom Intimacy Abuse Ironic Drunk Transportation AITA Am I overreacting? Alcohol Gun control Kids Parents

The Top

Today, my girlfriend was on top in reverse cowgirl. After she orgasmed, all I heard was, "Oh fuck" and she clenched her butt to try stop, but it was too late, she shot diarrhoea up my stomach, chest and neck. The only reason I didn’t get any in my mouth was because it all got caught in my beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 085

You deserved it 410

Today, I was having dinner at a restaurant with my best friend and her 18-month-old. I really had to fart, so I let one go silently, hoping it would go unnoticed. I caught a whiff of it, but so did my friend apparently, because she made a face and then held up her baby to smell her diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 542

You deserved it 1 376

The Top

Today, I'm working in hospitality. I was serving a customer when another customer came up to cash in from the pokies. I told them I'd be there in a minute, and they said OK. By the time I got to them, they were complaining to my boss. Guess whose side was taken? FML

I agree, your life sucks 830

You deserved it 83

Today, I was shopping at Walmart, when a large lady and her friend blocked the aisle I was trying to go down. After saying, "Excuse me," twice and being ignored, I pushed my way through. After getting past, I looked back and noticed she was glaring at me while signing to her friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 165

You deserved it 13 365

Today, my wife forced me to delete a female friend’s number off my phone because she’s jealous of our friendship. She then showed me a demonstration of what will happen if I contact her again, with a photo she got from her Facebook, gasoline, and a match to “make sure we understand each other.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 219

Today, I sprained my wrist playing Guitar Hero. The ER doctor called all of his coworkers in to hear my story. They all laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 657

You deserved it 48 879

Today, I finished my 83-page thesis for my Stanford class and put it on my desk. Then, as a prank, my girlfriend hid it. She forgot where she put it. The thesis is due in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 720

You deserved it 663

Today, and almost every day, I find out that something "mean" or morally questionable my parents used to do to me when I was a kid is actually considered abusive. I've now come to the conclusion that I was a victim of pretty much every type of abuse (except for the physical kind) during my childhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 995

You deserved it 181