Intimacy: Hi Honey, I'm home

Hi Honey, I'm home

By seminole711 - 20/09/2009 14:17 - United States

Today, I put my sexiest lingerie on, lit candles, put some sensual music on, and got my bed ready to surprise my boyfriend when he came home. I positioned myself in the sexiest pose possible. He came home and didn't come in my room for twenty minutes because of a football game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 133

You deserved it 6 972

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

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Same thing different taste

DJ Perfectionist

By ImOverHere - 02/09/2012 16:56 - United States - Whitehouse

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with candles and a sexy outfit. When he came in, he insisted that we needed music to help set the mood. Thirty minutes later, he's still searching for a song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 036

You deserved it 3 104

Dirty talk

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 06:57 - United States

Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 306

You deserved it 4 750

You tried!

By Noname - 15/02/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 945

You deserved it 50 952

Turn it off

By Anonymous - 26/03/2022 06:00

Today, I got dressed up in lingerie for my boyfriend. He looked at me, said, "Nice," then went back to watching TV and drinking beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 159

You deserved it 171

By notsohot - 25/08/2019 00:01

Today, I showed up at my boyfriend's house with nothing under my coat but some sexy lingerie. He told me he was working on an assignment, and made me wait three hours before he'd have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 331

You deserved it 2 301

So frustrating!

By Justawoman - 04/06/2014 15:52 - Denmark - Aarhus

Today, my boyfriend complained all day about being bored, so wanting to cheer him up, I put on some sexy clothes and went to his house. I got on his bed in my underwear and called him over. He quickly decided he'd rather play Diablo for the next five hours instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 577

You deserved it 8 638

By nudesurprise - 16/04/2009 14:49 - United States

Today, I was at my new apartment. My fiancé was coming home so I filled the apartment with candles and put on some sexy music. When he came up to my door, I answered the door, naked. What I didn't know was that he was bringing his dad to see the new apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 928

You deserved it 35 109

By horny21 - 21/02/2010 08:19 - Canada

Today, I was laying on the bed, naked, waiting for my boyfriend to come home since we haven't had sex in almost a month. Hearing him come in, I struck my sexiest pose. He walked into our room and tossed his backpack at me. Not only did we not have sex, his backpack gave me a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 518

You deserved it 4 037

By Anonymous - 08/01/2011 20:15 - Netherlands

Today, I called my boyfriend for a romantic night at home. I put on my hottest little dress, dimmed the lights, and put music on. My boyfriend stumbled in much later, drunk, and took one look at me before throwing up on my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 820

You deserved it 4 157

By lollipopp56 - 26/03/2009 06:09 - Canada

Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by dressing up in sexy lingerie. When I went to answer the door he was standing there with a shocked expression, his friends parked in the driveway had the same expression as well. He came to break up with me. He told me after we had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149 368

You deserved it 13 808

flyboy57 0

Sunday 20 September 2009 19:55

Haha. YDI for planning it on game night.

009yp 0

Sunday 20 September 2009 19:55

can't stop a man from his football

Comments

nicktowery 0

Sunday 20 September 2009 21:49

fail at all the people who think they are first

Touch_me_fml 0

Sunday 20 September 2009 21:52

13th. and you fail.

MLSxxox 3

Sunday 20 September 2009 23:15

#5 and #8 fail :)

imblue 0

Sunday 20 September 2009 23:23

For the last time! Women cannot compete with sports.

NEWTROLLINTOWN 0

Sunday 20 September 2009 23:25

1st! suck it pow pow pow 

anniemarie 0

Monday 21 September 2009 1:29

get over it hahaa

RFreedom 0

Monday 21 September 2009 2:49

YDI, you should have called me up :P

El_mariachi 0

Monday 21 September 2009 4:28

u should have been nekkid that's the way to get our attention!

strata8 0

Monday 21 September 2009 5:42

HeyHeyFishFillet 34

Sunday 16 June 2013 11:50

I 100% agree.

cmac86 23

Monday 21 September 2009 6:12

never and I mean NEVER retro interrupt a football game. or sports center afterwards. unless you meant soccer. then I'll say I agree.

Keywords

Awkward Weddings Miscellaneous Love My ex AITA Jealousy Friends Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Health Relatable Mental health Therapy Argument Thanksgiving Parenting Kids Covid Medication Ironic Cute Sports Proposal Annoying Snow Cold weather Cheating Work Money

The Top

Today, I had to quickly back out of a Skype call between me and three coworkers because my fiancée came home from work in tears. When things had calmed down, I re-entered the call to find them unaware I had returned, saying how glad they were I had left because they all secretly despise me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 878

You deserved it 2 095

Today, thinking no one was home, I decided to be a little frisky with my boyfriend. I guess I was being loud and woke up my sleeping autistic brother the room over. Halfway through, he burst through the door, panicking. He thought I was having another one of my asthma attacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 981

You deserved it 9 782

The Top

Today, I found out that I’ve been greeting a coworker by the wrong name for six weeks. The worst part? They never corrected me because they thought it was funny, especially because it turns out to be their mom's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 97

Today, my "boyfriend" told me that he loves money more than me and would date it if he could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 920

You deserved it 328

Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend. There's a short cut to my house by jumping a fence but he insisted that we take the long way because, "Girls don't jump fences." To prove him wrong, I jumped the fence. I fell and broke my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 232

You deserved it 36 032

Today, I swam in a race against all of the girls in the midwest in the hardest, longest, most grueling race you can swim. I won. Happy but so tired I could barely move, I looked up to see my time. I had been disqualified. For flinching. Before the race started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 930

You deserved it 6 676

Today, I’m 24 and apparently going back to school and working a minimum wage job is still considered less than the bare minimum. It sounds like something off the internet. However, people’s actions speak even louder than their words. Sorry I wasn’t given everything or blessed with good looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 142

Today, I went to my fiancé's house to have dinner with his family for the first time. Trying to be polite at the end of the meal I went to take the plates in to the kitchen. I overestimated how heavy the half-finished soup pot was, and threw soup all over myself and future mother-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 278

You deserved it 6 988