Intimacy: Horndog

Horndog

By Anonymous - 20/08/2012 02:05 - United States - La Grange

Today, I had to bail my boyfriend out of jail. He got arrested because he was tugging his man-meat in the drive-thru at a McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 760

You deserved it 5 667

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Same thing different taste

Caught

By fuck - 09/11/2013 23:30 - United States - Hubert

Today, I got a call from my husband asking me to bail him out from jail. He was arrested after being caught having sex with a waitress in a restaurant bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 425

You deserved it 5 280

Smooth criminal

By nickim756 - 13/09/2010 02:29 - United States

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying he needed me to bail him out of jail. The crime? Masturbating in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 527

You deserved it 6 239

Caught in 4K

By RBergman - 25/04/2015 20:05 - United States - Basin

Today, I had to arrest my own boyfriend for having sex in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 821

You deserved it 3 364

By iliketoastalot - 09/08/2011 17:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend got arrested. For robbing my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 645

You deserved it 5 909

Hangry for that Mickey D's

By anonymous - 23/07/2021 07:59

Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, starting to get intimate with him, when one of his friends walked into the room, grabbed my leg, and pulled me onto the floor. His reason? He was hungry and wanted to go to McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 590

You deserved it 173

You tried

By briiiiiiii123 - 12/01/2015 07:56 - United States - Buffalo

Today, my boyfriend and I had 'car sex'. It sucked and resulted in him masturbating into a McDonald's bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 484

You deserved it 7 755

By mackenzie_cain - 14/01/2010 05:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend went to jail for a DUI. In a panic, I rushed to go bail him out. On the way to the jail I was stopped for running a red light. I soon joined my boyfriend in jail with my very own DUI charge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 438

You deserved it 65 649

Family Matters

By whyme102008 - 13/07/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 152 112

You deserved it 8 671

By that's methed up, darling - 16/08/2013 21:33 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dragged me to the local McDonald's, refusing to drive me home until he ate. When I mentioned how dangerous that part of town is, he stopped and went all Walter White on me in front of everyone, spouting lines like "I AM the danger" and "I'M the one who knocks, babe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 880

You deserved it 6 088

By Anonymous - 22/10/2012 03:19 - United States

Today, I got to drop off my boyfriend at his newest place of residence: jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 247

You deserved it 5 171

Tuesdaythe10th 11

Monday 20 August 2012 9:00

McManMeat

bigdude1302 2

Monday 20 August 2012 9:00

So tell me....does he have a Big Mac or a double cheese burger?

Comments

OhhIrony 6

Monday 20 August 2012 19:08

At least he doesn't try to suck himself off at KFC. Sogross.

Linkisomnivore 8

Monday 20 August 2012 19:10

I hope you aren't with him still

robert76 5

Monday 20 August 2012 19:23

He's loving it!

Hellbound_Alleee 14

Monday 20 August 2012 19:43

"Man meat?" Do women actually say that? Or is this the boyfriend who posted this?

weeabaka 6

Monday 20 August 2012 19:59

He's a keeper.

yankeegrl27 1

Monday 20 August 2012 20:03

stupid way to put it

jjmiller1001 17

Monday 20 August 2012 20:40

Shoulda left his dumb ass in jail

ajeppsen 25

Monday 20 August 2012 20:46

He had to let some of the big mac and chicken nuggets out before he let more in.

Sanch101 7

Monday 20 August 2012 20:51

You may want to get rid of him before he escalates to something worse. He really misunderstood what Happy Meal meant.

boobear90 3

Monday 20 August 2012 21:38

Would u like fries w/ that?

Keywords

Love My ex Awkward Jealousy Friends AITA Health Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Sports Proposal Snow Cold weather Annoying Cheating Money Relatable Work DIY Kids Parenting Accident Parents ADHD Medication Weather Miscellaneous Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird

The Top

Today, I went to work 8:30 am. Human stayed home. Got home at 5pm. Human is working on his music at home. It is 7:11 pm and Human is still on his computer working on the same song, on replay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 283

Today, my longtime crush, who turned me down because he’s “sick of women”, just got into a relationship. He made it Facebook official, with photos of them and everything. Wanting to even the score, I commented, “So it seems your sickness of women is cured, huh?” He bitched at me for “ruining his moment” and deleted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 1 044

The Top

Today, I realized I forgot to write a 5000 word essay for my English class. I tried to be calm since I had until midnight to finish, and it was only 8pm. I typed for three hours straight,and finished the assignment. I read over the instruction again, and realized it only had to be 500 words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 535

You deserved it 57 308

Today, I finished a dance competition. With competitions, it requires you to wear a lot of makeup like false eyelashes and red lipstick. I went into a Starbucks to get a coffee and a boy around 18 asked me, in all seriousness, what my rate is for one night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 573

You deserved it 11 666

Today, my dad and I had an argument. Then we went outside to shovel the snow out of the driveway. I heard him yelling and figured he was just yelling at me some more, so I turned my iPod up so I couldn't hear him anymore. Turns out he had fallen, cracked a rib, and needed help up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 152

You deserved it 44 093

Today, I put up my profile pic in Call of Duty: Mobile for the first time and got more than 50 friend requests and some very offensive messages from creepy guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 281

Today, I received an acceptance letter to Juilliard. After showing it to my mom, she tells me I can't attend because Robin Williams graduated from Juilliard, and he now has too much facial hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 039

You deserved it 2 256

Today, I witnessed a hit-and-run. I used my phone to write down the license plate for the police. However, I didn't notice that my phone had autocorrected the number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 374

You deserved it 4 609