Intimacy: Horndog

Horndog

By Anonymous - 20/08/2012 02:05 - United States - La Grange

Today, I had to bail my boyfriend out of jail. He got arrested because he was tugging his man-meat in the drive-thru at a McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 760

You deserved it 5 666

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Same thing different taste

Caught

By fuck - 09/11/2013 23:30 - United States - Hubert

Today, I got a call from my husband asking me to bail him out from jail. He was arrested after being caught having sex with a waitress in a restaurant bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 423

You deserved it 5 280

Smooth criminal

By nickim756 - 13/09/2010 02:29 - United States

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying he needed me to bail him out of jail. The crime? Masturbating in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 527

You deserved it 6 239

Caught in 4K

By RBergman - 25/04/2015 20:05 - United States - Basin

Today, I had to arrest my own boyfriend for having sex in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 819

You deserved it 3 364

By iliketoastalot - 09/08/2011 17:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend got arrested. For robbing my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 643

You deserved it 5 909

Hangry for that Mickey D's

By anonymous - 23/07/2021 07:59

Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, starting to get intimate with him, when one of his friends walked into the room, grabbed my leg, and pulled me onto the floor. His reason? He was hungry and wanted to go to McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 588

You deserved it 173

You tried

By briiiiiiii123 - 12/01/2015 07:56 - United States - Buffalo

Today, my boyfriend and I had 'car sex'. It sucked and resulted in him masturbating into a McDonald's bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 484

You deserved it 7 755

By mackenzie_cain - 14/01/2010 05:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend went to jail for a DUI. In a panic, I rushed to go bail him out. On the way to the jail I was stopped for running a red light. I soon joined my boyfriend in jail with my very own DUI charge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 438

You deserved it 65 649

Family Matters

By whyme102008 - 13/07/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 152 111

You deserved it 8 670

By that's methed up, darling - 16/08/2013 21:33 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dragged me to the local McDonald's, refusing to drive me home until he ate. When I mentioned how dangerous that part of town is, he stopped and went all Walter White on me in front of everyone, spouting lines like "I AM the danger" and "I'M the one who knocks, babe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 880

You deserved it 6 088

By Anonymous - 22/10/2012 03:19 - United States

Today, I got to drop off my boyfriend at his newest place of residence: jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 246

You deserved it 5 171

Tuesdaythe10th 11

Monday 20 August 2012 9:00

McManMeat

bigdude1302 2

Monday 20 August 2012 9:00

So tell me....does he have a Big Mac or a double cheese burger?

Comments

ravey 0

Thursday 23 August 2012 8:56

This could possibly be your fault? When's the last time you gave him sex?

bunnygirl12 0

Thursday 23 August 2012 16:10

WTF

monthescots 7

Friday 24 August 2012 2:02

Just be glad he wasn't having a three way with Ronald McDonald and the Hamburglar!

smartkid33 3

Friday 24 August 2012 3:50

Ok even u know u laugh on the inside

ninjacapo 2

Friday 24 August 2012 6:40

And you bailed him out because?

randyclark1997 4

Friday 24 August 2012 19:24

to ask if he wanted ketchup with that small frie.. lol

irritatedone 5

Friday 24 August 2012 20:02

You shoulda left him there.

Alice_laughed 13

Wednesday 10 October 2012 5:21

That's exactly what I was thinking.

lollipoplolo 8

Sunday 9 September 2012 9:51

I don't understand this.

IronTran 0

Saturday 22 September 2012 14:26

HAHAHA

Gman1234gman 7

Monday 5 November 2012 5:53

that means he really needs xxx

Keywords

Transportation Cars Embarrassing Mental health Work Awkward Relatable AITA Am I overreacting? Social Media Love Annoying Family Sex Intimacy Coworkers Poopoo peepee Dentist Health Cute Dogs Animals Sleep Shopping My ex Cats Job interview Clothes Miscellaneous Weird

The Top

Today, I went to my room to find my girlfriend on the floor, butt up, with her pants down. I elatedly took the invitation and dropped my pants too, only for her to tell me, "Not so fast champ, I'm trying to force some farts out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 085

You deserved it 463

Today, I was on the subway when I felt like I was going to faint. I got off the train at the next stop, walked to a bench, but fell over and passed out. When I woke up, I looked around at at least 25 people, who had stepped around me, passed out, in the middle of the platform. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 117

You deserved it 3 275

The Top

Today, my new girlfriend tried to get me to quit being a gynaecologist because she says touching vaginas all day is low-key cheating on her. Lady, it took years of training to get this job, which I take very seriously, and we’ve only been on 4 dates. Between my career and you, I ain’t gonna choose you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 756

You deserved it 140

Today, I started my period. I am getting married tomorrow. So, not only am I going to be on my period for my wedding night and honeymoon, my best friend has to help me change my pad because my dress is so big. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 107

You deserved it 9 496

Today, I went to a Stoplight Party. Green shirt = single, yellow = hard to get, and red = taken. I showed up wearing a red shirt and saw my boyfriend in a green shirt. Thinking it was a mistake, I asked him jokingly why he wasn't wearing red. He looked at me oddly and said, "Oh, you didn't get my text?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 113 688

You deserved it 6 123

Today, I learned that I do not possess the upper body, core, or leg strength to hold my girlfriend up during sex. I simultaneously collapsed and dropped her onto her coffee table. We are now both being treated at the hospital; her for glass wounds, me for a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 356

You deserved it 31 586

Today, my wife has video of me asleep on the sofa, clearly having a vivid sex dream, with a raging erection, ending with me having an orgasm that soaked through the front of my shorts, leaving a wet spot, which she helpfully zoomed in on just to really illustrate my shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 494

You deserved it 156

Today, I found out the real reason my boyfriend was terminated from work: for having an inappropriate sexual relationship with a coworker, and not because he was "furloughed from COVID" like he said was. Oh, and he got her pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 775

You deserved it 137