Health, Cats and Painful: I was right all along

I was right all along

By 3peeps - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I came to the conclusion that I was right about thinking how much it would hurt to hit your head on a door-frame, stub your toe on a stone table leg, and then trip over your cat, who won't take it well and will probably claw your recently stubbed toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 812

You deserved it 4 059

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

I'm OK!

By MAC. - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 446

You deserved it 6 041

By Anonymous - 06/02/2016 01:34 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 439

You deserved it 2 181

Hang in there

By ouch - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Wilmington

Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 805

You deserved it 4 982

Not a morning person at the best of times

By shouldhavestayedinbed - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my doorbell rang while I was still in bed. I leapt out and immediately got a severe cramp in one leg, then, staggering around trying to throw some clothes on, I scraped the other leg badly enough to draw blood. When I got to the door there was nobody there, just a parcel on the doorstep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 698

You deserved it 2 180

Safe bet

By Hit-and-Run - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Mexico - Juárez

Today, after an extensive talk with a relationship counselor, we concluded that I'm more likely to get run over by a car than be in a stable relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 361

You deserved it 3 283

I hate myself

By trixanne - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Australia - Sydney

Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I left my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 719

You deserved it 3 948

Watch out!

By FlyLikeABird - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned how birds feel when they fly into windows. I should be getting the hospital bill for my broken nose in the mail soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 904

You deserved it 4 448

Freak out

By zAstonish - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 262

You deserved it 4 197

Caught off guard

By dooommage - This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 385

You deserved it 15 361

No good deed…

By williebees - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Huntsville

Today, as I was about to walk across the street, a girl in front of me who clearly wasn't paying attention to the traffic, almost got run over. I grabbed her arm and jumped back. She was fine. I fell and fractured my arm and wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 919

You deserved it 2 520

rocker_chick105 31

Friday 30 December 2011 15:57

Was the cat ok?

SnigglePoop 3

Friday 30 December 2011 16:00

That sounds like a purrty painful situation. I'm not kittin..

Comments

metalflower00 11

Friday 30 December 2011 17:00

Score for the cat! Hit the weak spot!

BluFlames 8

Friday 30 December 2011 19:52

Then he'll aim for the nuts! xD

pittpsu75 0

Friday 30 December 2011 17:00

I wish I could predict what painful things I was about to do.

imaginaryvoice 18

Friday 30 December 2011 17:06

Did you foresee that you were going to hit the doorframe, stub your toe and then trip over your cat?

metalflower00 11

Friday 30 December 2011 21:28

lol

sinking_fish 12

Friday 30 December 2011 21:32

Alan- Thinking outside of the box obviously takes WAY too much thought.:p

cass1_l0ve 13

Friday 30 December 2011 17:14

OP clearly is just not lucky.

sunshine_cc 3

Friday 30 December 2011 17:15

You mean you've thought of this exact scenario before it happened? Bull crap.

trippythehippy 6

Friday 30 December 2011 17:26

Look at the upside. At least you avoided dropping a lit cigarette into your groin after all that.

ICATiger 13

Friday 30 December 2011 17:30

I hate stubbing my toe I always think that the doors and drawers are planning againnst us...

ilovewhoiam5 0

Friday 30 December 2011 17:39

Haha!

ilovewhoiam5 0

Friday 30 December 2011 17:45

I don't care about you, IS THE CAT OKA!?

sweetcheex666 6

Friday 30 December 2011 17:50

You go through a lot if pain for your conclusions

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Sleep Work Dating Love Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Teenagers Animals Dogs Video games Gamers Ironic Zoom

The Top

Today, it was dad’s funeral and I intended to speak but I was crying so much I couldn’t finish and mom had to help me back to my seat. Unfortunately, most of our family are arseholes and I could hear someone saying, “Disgraceful, shaming his dad like that.” It was the worst day of my entire life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 85

Today, a blowjob from my fiancée turned into exchanged oral, which turned into mutual masturbation while watching porn, which then turned into me being kicked out of the room because it was "weird" with me watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 343

You deserved it 403

The Top

Today, my blind date thought the best way to start off is to show up blind drunk. She ended up puking on the table and leaving me to pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 251

You deserved it 3 907

Today, my grandmother bought a Shakeweight, an exercise tool which, basically, simulates a hand-job to tone arm fat. I get to watch my Grandmother do this motion for 6 minutes every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 614

You deserved it 5 195

Today, I bought an apartment over what I have just learned to be an Irish folk music store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 986

You deserved it 34 169

Today, while tanning on a family cruise, I woke up to a crowd of people staring at me in disgust. Apparently, I'd fallen asleep, developed a boner, and started french-kissing the air. I had to sit through both the surveillance tapes and a grand bollocking from security in the aftermath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 407

You deserved it 11 095

Today, I went to the bank to make a withdrawal in order to celebrate my last day here in Italy with my friends. Apparently I'm overdrawn by 187 dollars so I'm eating nothing but leftover stale crackers to survive until I get free plane food on my way back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 016

You deserved it 48 003

Today, my mom is threatening to disinherit me because I won’t have a baby. I have three siblings who between them have seven kids for her to obsess over, yet she calls at least once a week and always tries to convince me to get pregnant. Fuck off mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 340

You deserved it 131

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Comments