Embarrassing, Injury, Birds and Animals: Impressive

Impressive

By Anonymous - 19/03/2009 02:57 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 437

You deserved it 19 347

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Same thing different taste

By birdsterrifyme - 23/03/2015 04:42 - United States - Sikeston

Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up and attacked my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 166

You deserved it 4 374

By margretlle - 26/04/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 744

You deserved it 8 415

By No Nip - 25/04/2019 12:00

Today, I was making breakfast with my parrot on my shoulder. He was excited about the food, and in his rush to climb down to the counter, bit through my nipple. I had to get stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 987

You deserved it 486

By Anonymous - 02/06/2012 15:34 - United States - Bellaire

Today, my boyfriend accidentally broke my nose the day he was meeting my parents for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 442

You deserved it 2 424

By birdbath - 08/11/2009 07:26 - United States

Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 897

You deserved it 3 639

By Olive14 - 15/12/2010 06:15

Today, I was caring for a bird that had flown into my window. I thought the poor thing wouldn't make it, when it shit in my hand, flew into my neck, then around my living room for ages before I could manage to get it out of the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 087

You deserved it 7 345

Smells like teen shit

By great 1st impression - 25/05/2014 16:09 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 973

You deserved it 7 928

By Anonymous - 29/03/2011 23:58 - Canada

Today, I wound up in hospital because my boyfriend covered my face in fake gore while I was sleeping, to see if I was really as scared of blood as I claimed. Sure enough, when I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I fainted, smashing my head against the counter on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 944

You deserved it 3 987

By Devil's Pigeon - 18/04/2017 14:00

Today, on vacation, I had my first encounter with a macaw parrot, who promptly bit my ear and shat on me while amused tourists laughed and took pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 249

You deserved it 413

By Anonymous - 03/11/2011 06:22 - Australia

Today, I learned that all it takes to anger my sister's new parrot is to walk past its perch. I also learned that a beak over two inches long is very capable of inflicting injuries that require stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 150

You deserved it 4 201

jakenherman 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 9:37

okay, 1. you try to impress your boyfriends parents by.. talking.. to a .. bird? wow... 2. Did the bird rip open the cage, or did you open the door and shove you head in? your life is pretty f***ed

thequeenofscots 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 9:25

I just have to say, it makes me laugh really hard that the advert on the side of this page is for some fancy parrot cage.

Comments

neonoodle 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 15:57

that parrot's name was Oswald Cobbelpot

kamikaze_fml 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 16:01

Well how gigantic is your nose that it accidentally stuck through the bars of the cage?

meow_meow_fml 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 16:20

she did not state the bird was in the cage, it could be on a branch they hang or standing on a couch or a stand idiots

Cloudy_fml 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 16:28

Why would you think that talking to a bird would impress them anyway!? O_o

Amkii 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 16:41

.....how does talking to a pet bird impress someone? Did you also wave hello to his dog and toss a toy to his cat to prove you weren't afraid of them? Ooh, that'd impress me any day! In short: you deserved it. Sorry you were hospitalized, though.

kirches 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 17:37

This is one of my fears. God, I hate birds.

your_face 15

Thursday 19 March 2009 18:21

#39, you need to learn to recognize sarcasm.

DULMAGE 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 18:42

LOL you're lucky it wasn't your eye...my half-sister had a little cat named Dutchy and he hated me. One time he scratched my face, about 2 centimeters below my left eye....Evil little kitty