Weird, Awkward, Spooky and Work: Invasion of the bodysnatchers - FML

Invasion of the bodysnatchers

By Anonymous - 19/11/2010 03:04 - United States

Today, I'm at work as a security guard. At a morgue. Why am I here? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 425

You deserved it 6 110

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Same thing different taste

By emily - 30/07/2009 08:58 - United States

Today, my cell phone was stolen. I work in a morgue. By myself. Obviously it wasn't stolen by any of those people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 075

You deserved it 4 310

Flashdance

By Muhd Hazrie - 27/07/2021 02:01

Today, I was working as a security guard in a office building. It was 5 p.m. and most of the staff had gone home so it was pretty quiet. I did a little ballet dance around my security post. When I turned around, I saw my supervisor taking a video of me. He sent it to my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 442

LET ME IN

By Zxry123 - 31/12/2022 16:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I work the night shift as a security officer. I packed my uniform and my stuff into one large bag and left for work. When I arrived, I realized that I'd left something important at home, so guess what it was? My security pass and it was almost 5 minutes before my shift started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 274

No one is safe

By chili - 24/07/2021 04:01

Today, I got mugged at work. The sad thing is I'm a cop and was trying to catch the people who mugged me previously while off duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 333

By fucked - 24/08/2014 20:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I landed my first job as a security officer. Only after I signed all the paperwork did I find out that the area I'll be working is apparently a hotspot for violent shootings. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 388

You deserved it 6 191

By anon - 23/11/2011 22:53

Today, I started my new job at a security company. In the first 15 minutes there was a bomb threat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 014

You deserved it 3 030

By copshop - 10/11/2011 11:40 - United States

Today, I was working the graveyard shift as a security guard. I fell asleep in my car doing paperwork around 2 am. When my supervisor came to check on me, he pounded on my window, wearing a "Scream" mask. I panicked and pepper sprayed him. Too bad my window was closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 292

You deserved it 36 046

By Anonymous - 25/11/2014 20:15 - United States

Today, as I walked into the bank, I tripped and bumped into a security guard. He thought I was assaulting him, so he pinned me to the floor and called for backup as he held me at gunpoint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 944

You deserved it 3 136

Parp Blarp Mall Carp

By Clinch - 25/02/2022 04:00

Today, I was security at a shopping centre and tried to stop a guy from drinking in public. He told me to fuck off and "go play cops and robbers somewhere else", so I tried to escort him to the security office. He picked me up with one hand and threw me in the fountain. My boss let him go with a warning. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 157

Stress factor 11

By Jonoq - 04/10/2019 16:00 - Canada

Today, in a 2-hour period at work, I had to talk to the cops, clean up shit and clean up vomit, yet none of these events were related. The worst part is, I work as a lifeguard and none of this is in the job description. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 483

You deserved it 126

Next

Top comments

boyguydudemalema 0

Friday 19 November 2010 8:57

because you applied for it ?

Hasmo 0

Friday 19 November 2010 8:58

someone needs to protect the zombies right? your doing your country a service

Comments

Zodiak213 0

Saturday 20 November 2010 7:35

I've done the same job, it's fun and easy.

roketkween 0

Saturday 20 November 2010 7:54

skull *******

Britt9797 0

Saturday 20 November 2010 8:19

why did u apply... seriously, ur mistake XO

MSUguy100 0

Saturday 20 November 2010 8:33

you keep us safe from the Zombie Apocalypse :)

you_freak 7

Saturday 20 November 2010 11:10

Do people seriously not read all the comments before they comment?! I've read the same comments from different people when this whole FML could've been summed up in 5 points, and a few retorts here and there.

TheSilencer006 0

Saturday 20 November 2010 11:45

I'm a security guard too. I hope it's a temp contract. But unless you're patrolling to make sure the dead don't attack the living, it really shouldn't be that hard of a contract. Just do your job, and please don't abuse the bodies.

joemk2012 0

Saturday 20 November 2010 13:34

Sounds like a dead end job

mustardcat 1

Saturday 20 November 2010 13:39

Its a job to die for

Kasevam 0

Saturday 20 November 2010 14:19

You have a job. It's not a bad job at all, and it doesn't really even require any work. Why are you complaining?

slap_u_much 6

Saturday 20 November 2010 14:27

to protect us from Zombies DUH!! lol

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Sleep Work Love Dating Annoying Am I overreacting? Health Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Animals Dogs Teenagers Ironic Video games Gamers Zoom

The Top

Today, I noticed a flashy car badly parking itself in a handicapped space. I hate the asshats who do this, so I went up to berate the driver. After an opening salvo of coarse language, a glint of light on his wheelchair in the back caught my eye. I then had to apologise for being a shitehawk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 623

You deserved it 42 687

Today, I went out with this girl I really liked and she came back to my place. Things were heating up and we ended up having sex. I was on top and really into it but in the middle of it she held up her wrist and said, "Huh, look at the time, I gotta get home." She wasn't wearing a watch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 747

You deserved it 17 915

The Top

Today, I was running the drive-thru window at work, when a man pulled up with his dog in the seat next to him. As he was counting out his change, the dog leaned over his hand and drooled all over it. Not only did he pay exclusively in coins, those coins were slimy from dog drool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 965

You deserved it 2 890

Today, I was sexting my boss. I realised that I wasn't texting my boyfriend after I'd sent 2 nudes, and received many sexually provocative responses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 143

You deserved it 19 031

Today, I was running late for work. As I hurried out the door, I managed to trip over my own feet, fall off the front porch, and key my new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 398

You deserved it 7 514

Today, I was working my shift at the restaurant as a waiter when the girl I've been in love with for 4 years came in with her boyfriend. He asked me to hide the ring in their dessert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 643

You deserved it 6 958

Today, I signed up for an online dating site. After completing their personality quiz, I set the distance to a 60 mile radius of where I live. Then to the country. Then to the whole world. I got no matches for any of the settings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125 821

You deserved it 16 863

Today, I went to the eye doctor. He tells me that I've developed a severe allergy to contact lenses and must stop wearing them immediately. It wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't just visited him a week earlier, paid for a new prescription and ordered a year's worth of brand new lenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 748

You deserved it 4 008