Sex, Religion and Intimacy: Jesus wept - FML

Jesus wept

By chicochico - 19/12/2008 16:05 - France

Today, I had sex with a girl who cried out as she came, "Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 342

You deserved it 7 042

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By Anonymous - 30/06/2022 22:00

Today, at a bar, a drunk girl kissed me, so I went home and confessed what happened to my girlfriend. She forgave me but took it as permission to admit she’s cheated sexually at least once a month for over a year, then got mad I didn’t immediately forgive her like she forgave me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 254

You deserved it 150

By churchgoer - 20/03/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, I went to confession. I told the priest that I had an intimate relationship with a woman that I'm not married to. He chuckled and said, "You know, lying is a sin too." I wasn't lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 660

You deserved it 9 576

By Anonymous - 02/05/2015 02:22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 014

You deserved it 4 135

By Anonymous - 29/08/2015 11:28 - United States - Manhattan Beach

Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. Now she's threatening to kill herself if I don't forgive her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 988

You deserved it 2 119

By petmosch - 04/08/2017 00:30

Today, I came up with the idea of pranking my girlfriend by telling her that I knew she was cheating on me. She then apologized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 273

You deserved it 2 444

By OopsKid - 30/05/2011 18:14 - France

Today, I accidentally said, "Yes, Sir." to my female teacher. I then apologized by saying, "Sorry, Sir." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 312

You deserved it 16 543

Next

Top comments

ionelementz112 0

Tuesday 3 February 2009 21:48

You should have said, "I forgive you."

Adam_B 0

Tuesday 17 February 2009 11:45

FML = F*** My Life FML = Forgive Me Lord Coincidence...?

Comments

cthulhu_fml 0

Friday 13 February 2009 5:36

O_o That's ******* creepy.

Adam_B 0

Tuesday 17 February 2009 11:45

FML = F*** My Life FML = Forgive Me Lord Coincidence...?

capgray 0

Friday 9 April 2010 7:22

hey thats joincidence with a c ^

fmlwinnn 0

Saturday 2 October 2010 18:56

NFL - National Football League. also means No ******* Life. coincidence?

amrik 11

Wednesday 11 May 2011 5:48

^winning

chuckles 0

Tuesday 24 February 2009 4:28

lmao #15 epic

Tri_fml 5

Wednesday 25 February 2009 3:56

Hey man, if she's willing to turn her back on religion to be with you, you've done pretty well. Also this made me rofl :D

aew002 0

Wednesday 4 March 2009 2:41

Religious girls are the biggest freaks in bed. Believe me. I have a lot of religious girlfriends and they tell me alllll about their kinky stories. Keep the girl! Even if it is a little weird.

MyLifeBeLikeOh7 0

Wednesday 4 March 2009 7:12

ROFLMFAO ROFLMFAO ROFLMFAO. at least you got her screaming :P

dantheman_fml 0

Saturday 7 March 2009 2:03

i dont understand how this is "FML" material???, thats ******* hilarious

crayonnedmusic 0

Saturday 7 March 2009 15:57

ROTFLMFAO, BAHAHAHA (:

jennyozz 0

Saturday 7 March 2009 17:28

hahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahaha

MackenzieB 0

Sunday 15 March 2009 7:10

Hahahahahahahaha OMG hahahahahahahahahaha (15: xD)

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The Top

Today, after nearly a week of having laryngitis, I was finally able to talk a little again. Then I yelled at my son for leaving his shit all over the living room, strained my throat, and can barely even whisper now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 760

Today, my girlfriend’s dad has a sword he inherited from his dad that he claims links their family to the old Swiss nobility. I work in a museum so I know most of the makers' marks on swords, so I’m not sure how to tell him his sword is a reproduction made in Spain less than 100 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 88

The Top

Today, in an attempt to get some guidance from my college advisor, I emailed her, saying I was contemplating going to another school because I felt so helpless about my GPA, and was sure I wouldn't get my major. I asked for advice on raising it. She gave me instructions on how to drop out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 363

You deserved it 7 405

Today, I'm so broke that I had a money nightmare. I'd accidentally purchased a single potato for exactly $22 and it was non-refundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 700

You deserved it 464

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying something new. I ended up with a shard of glass in my back and a concussion. Don't have sex on a glass table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 246

You deserved it 32 450

Today, after trying to convince my girlfriend to have sex for almost 16 months, she finally said yes. I couldn't get it up the second she said it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 149

You deserved it 39 685

Today, my crush talked to me for the first time. He told me to stop staring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 942

You deserved it 14 798

Today, I spent 600 dollars to have my brakes fixed on my car, they weren't squeaking. I got my car back and now the brakes squeal and my air conditioning won't work. I just spent 600 dollars to break my car even more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 061

You deserved it 4 880