Leave me alone

By MIB - 13/07/2011 16:26 - United States

Today, I awoke to banging at my door. It was my neighbor, accusing me of stealing her mail to spy on her, because apparently she thinks I must be some sort of secret agent. The cops don't believe me when I call, and she won't go away. FML
I agree, your life sucks 32 738
You deserved it 2 826
Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…
Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Next

Top comments

olii_fml 0

Tell her that she's blown your cover and that you're going to have to kill her

149 4
denvan 0

Tell her the aliens are coming for her

117 6

Comments

OsirisFaction_fml 5

Invest in a baseball bat.

13 2
HannahForbesxo 13

One with a nail through the top. That'll show her how serious you are.

5 3
xxlauruh 0

or how over the top homicidal you are

8 1
cynide 13

Tell her that you will ray-gun her ass if she doesnt **** off, i mean you are a secret agent..

13 2
gigi03 5

Are you a transformer?

4 0
cynide 13

yezz... how did you know?

2 0
jaredallen69 0

hol ly shit call the po bros

0 1
iAmScrubs 19

And you aren't having fun with this once in a lifetime opportunity? Tell your neighbor that you are Inspector Gadget's child. USA's top spy. A cross between Jack Sparrow and Magikarp.

21 3
raphanne_fml 33

Yeah and for the moment if she bothers you too much knock her down with your gogo gadget face punch :D

6 0
BadKitty13 28

tell her to go away. then lock the door and ignore her. if she doesn't go away, call the cops and get them to come to your house while she is still there and have her arrested for harrasment.

1 15
BeastMode5 0

The cops don't believe OP, dip-wad. -_-

1 1
heylesha 8

aww:( just say my fellow agents are now coming to take you away. You know to much. They are coming to make you forget everything.

6 0
Iknoweverything 29

Instead of calling the cops, tell her that her time is better spent calling the police instead of waking you up. And every time she bangs on your door, spray her with a fire extinguisher. As long as she's inconveniencing you, you might as well do it back. (the first suggestion is the more reasonable)

2 2
Bcfrmkc816 17

Ya but a guy doing that stuff will go to jail no matter what

0 0
HomeAl0ne 20

If you try and argue with her, she'll drag you down to crazy town and try to beat you with experience. Here's what you need to do... Take her into your confidence and tell her you've been sent by Us to help her, because she's so important. The Others are stealing her mail, and you are observing their activities before reporting back. As you say "reporting back", motion towards your microwave. Tell her to go back home, make a tent out of tinfoil and sit under it with the handle of a fork in her mouth. That will shield her mind waves from Them. Then she should turn on her TV switch to AV1 and play any Disney DVD in upside down (Miley Cryus is best), that's how we will send her instructions. The code phrase to wait for is "the albatross flies backwards at night". The voices in her head will tell her what to do next. Meanwhile she should memorise the first 253 digits of pi, except where she can see a pattern. Tell her you don't think that backwards patterns aren't important. Oh, and leave your kettle on so I can see how it goes...

12 2
footballur 0

Very descriptive... someone has experience...

0 1
perdix 29

What won't they believe? That you are not stealing her mail, that you are not a secret agent, or that she was banging at your door? If you are a secret agent, you are surely not a secret literary agent, because you can't write worth a shit.

4 6
howdmynosego 12

no they don't beleve OPs got a crazy neighber

0 1