Drunk, Scary and Miscellaneous: Lock your doors - FML

Lock your doors

By jerrid - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a drunk man opened the unlocked door to my house thinking it was his house. He tried to attack me because he thought I was a burglar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 248

You deserved it 7 821

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Top comments

spikey818 9

Sunday 21 February 2010 23:22

the door should have been locked in the first place

deadsrs 0

Sunday 21 February 2010 23:22

I would suggest you lock your doors from now on. Otherwise who knows what might happen to you in the middle of the night. You live were again? *holds up map*

Comments

isreal 0

Monday 22 February 2010 6:44

u r a dims iassv

RuralNinja 0

Monday 22 February 2010 6:45

YDI for leaving the door unlocked. You should practically just give your stuff away to the crooks if you're going to make it that easy.

Awnonymous 4

Monday 22 February 2010 7:16

Leaving your door unlocked is only a big deal in America. I'm not kidding either, amerifags.

deanerj 0

Monday 22 February 2010 7:33

GUESS WHO GOD LOVES ? :D

kaylalay91 0

Monday 22 February 2010 8:31

haha!! that's pretty funny lol

MrsUchiha 0

Monday 22 February 2010 8:33

Oh, I figured it out..

astro2 0

Monday 22 February 2010 9:37

wow so many mean comments u guys must be all yanks then my advice is kick him in the nads, tie him up call the cops then sue him for alot of money. Whats his defence gonna be? "sorry your honor i was completely sh*t faced" lol wtf?

spongebob95 0

Monday 22 February 2010 9:39

lmao

banacafalata 0

Monday 22 February 2010 10:45

holy crap! did you call the cops??

Frenz 0

Monday 22 February 2010 10:54

I live in one of those small towns where everyone knows each other and I still keep my door locked at all times.

3
4
5
6
7
8
9

Keywords

Embarrassing Miscellaneous Awkward Sleep Work Love Dating Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Dogs Animals Teenagers Ironic Video games Gamers Zoom

The Top

Today, I was on the webcam with my boyfriend. I could see that he was on the couch, and alone, so I took off my shirt and smiled, waiting to see his reaction. He smiled at me but then kept looking in another direction. I playfully asked "What's so distracting?" His answer: "History Channel". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 434

You deserved it 10 095

Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 666

You deserved it 3 982

The Top

Today, I had to buy a new boxcutter for work after our old one broke. It came in a box, the type which policy requires a boxcutter to open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 228

You deserved it 3 615

Today, I snapped my banjo string while vigorously masturbating. I was so ashamed, I told the doctor I did it during sex, but I could tell they didn’t believe me. I want to curl up and die but that hurts my stitches, so I guess I’ll have to lie flat on my back and die instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 667

You deserved it 1 473

Today, I was directing a video shoot of a big Christmas show with 750 people attending. After the first half of the show recorded; during intermission, I accidentally deleted the show as people were signing up to buy the DVD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 169

You deserved it 16 934

Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 759

You deserved it 14 094

Today, I gave my boss a report I wrote on my own time, full of suggestions on how to increase productivity and profits at our company. He said my ideas made "about as much sense as pistol-whipping a ghost" and that I was impressing no one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 022

You deserved it 2 479

Today, while lifeguarding, a kid thought it'd be hilarious to take a crap in the pool. The other kids freaked out and rushed to get out. Several of them slipped on the way out and hurt themselves fairly badly. Two parents are now threatening to sue us, and my boss blames me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 515

You deserved it 3 845