Cats, Cute and Animals: Master manipulator

Master manipulator

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Turkey

Today, my cat learned how to flush the toilet while I was in the shower. His transformation from cute kitten to pure evil entity is now complete. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 212

You deserved it 6 111

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 26/03/2013 14:22 - United States - Audubon

Today, my cat learned the hard way what the bathtub is for. While I was in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 933

You deserved it 3 983

By MoncaBang - 29/01/2009 21:25 - United States

Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 684

You deserved it 3 453

By Anonymous - 04/05/2009 12:37 - Canada

Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me because he loves toilets. Everyone was sleeping so I went pee but didnt flush. My cat jumped onto the seat and fell in. I had to lift him out and then wash him. He hates water though, so I was scratched by my cat who was dripping with my own pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 008

You deserved it 28 867

Rescue cat

By crazycatlady - 04/02/2017 20:00 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my cat fell into the toilet, and I had to save him. I now have a soggy cat and scratched arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 428

You deserved it 838

Smelly cat, smelly cat…

By Kas - 25/11/2020 11:02

Today, my cat decided the perfect place to throw up was on herself. Cleaning a smelly old cat with a showerhead is trouble enough, but when she tried to escape, it resulted in the bathroom being turned into one big puddle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 778

You deserved it 144

By Adam - 16/03/2010 20:51 - United States

Today, I woke up to go pee and my cat followed me into the bathroom as usual. Then, in a not so usual fashion, she tried to jump from the sink to the top of the toilet, missed, and fell into the bowl while I was peeing. I'm scratched in a bad place, I have urine to clean up off the bathroom floor, and a traumatized cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 335

You deserved it 5 185

By catwoman - 31/10/2009 04:34 - Australia

Today, I learned why my bathroom has a horrible, seemingly irremovable stench. My cat doesn't squat to pee like a normal cat. She stands up, peeing over the side of the litter tray all over the wall and floor, which are now a permanent yellow tinge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 149

You deserved it 5 481

Scaredy cat

By poop - 24/03/2016 18:15 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I discovered my cat is bathroom shy when I accidentally walked in on him relieving himself. He jumped about 3 feet in the air and bolted out, launching feces and pee all over the bathroom, hallway, and my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 062

You deserved it 2 559

By Noname - 12/03/2009 22:08 - United States

Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I'd undressed and then threw up all over the rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150 410

You deserved it 22 965

By damn cats - 12/08/2018 22:00

Today my cat watched me clean and refill his water bowls, then shoved his fresh-out-of-the-litter-box paw in my glass of water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 421

You deserved it 346

RedPillSucks 31

Monday 8 November 2010 18:45

Did he put the lid up?

amerwin 3

Monday 8 November 2010 18:48

Mr. Jenks!!! Cats lack opposable thumbs, Focker.

Comments

slantyshanty 7

Monday 8 November 2010 19:13

nice star wars reference.

slantyshanty 7

Monday 8 November 2010 19:14

lol, not star wars.bad headache messing with my mind.

jazzy2588 0

Monday 8 November 2010 19:15

Youu should show your cat whaat it feels like lol

perdix 29

Monday 8 November 2010 19:16

Especially if he shit in your towel instead of the toilet.

phreshboi 1

Tuesday 9 November 2010 13:27

yes exactly that's evil, but very funny

tencentsakiss 19

Monday 8 November 2010 19:17

Can I have your evil cat?

mayulily 0

Monday 8 November 2010 19:21

aww kitty kitty love

justsomgirl 4

Monday 8 November 2010 19:26

This might be the best fml I've read in a long time. it's hilarious and well written.

CallMeHush 0

Monday 8 November 2010 19:43

You know what you have to do now. Take him into the shower with you. I suggest you wear metal shorts so you don't have to write another FML.

ImaginaryFoe 0

Monday 8 November 2010 19:45

[Like]

JavIin 0

Monday 8 November 2010 23:14

Win.

tigrouficele2012 44

Monday 8 November 2010 19:45

Why is it bad if he can flush the toilet? Besides, now you can probably teach him how to use it, and get rid of all that smelly litter! :D

C6Racer 0

Monday 8 November 2010 21:55

The shower water probably turned cold when the toilet was flushed. That's why the cat is evil.

funzcpl 0

Monday 8 November 2010 19:46

here kitty kitty kitty!

klong91 7

Monday 8 November 2010 19:48

Awesome cat

Keywords

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The Top

Today, the host family that I'm staying with in China gave me a small milk box to drink. It tasted a bit tangy and sour, but I thought that was probably just the taste of milk in China. Trying to be polite, I practically chugged the whole box. Later, I found out that it had expired 20 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 543

You deserved it 372

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 779

You deserved it 3 948

The Top

Today, it's been 2 days since my boyfriend "accidentally" slipped into the wrong hole while continuing to hammer me at full speed. I still can't poop or even walk right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 826

You deserved it 5 073

Today, my older sister dragged us to a restaurant that charged us $80 a piece for 8 mouthfuls of food. She does this all the time. When our youngest sister defended her, it removed all doubt that our parents still pay her bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 847

You deserved it 145

Today, I kissed my gorgeous new boyfriend for the first time. I ran my hands through his hair; a multitude of dandruff rained out and five lice crawled onto my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 366

You deserved it 7 201

Today, I was once again handed a document to translate, along with the comment, "Good luck, it doesn't make sense to begin with." If my translation doesn't, though, I won't get paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 445

You deserved it 3 084

Today, I went to my Christian accountability partner from church to talk about continuing to maintain Christian values. We had sex. Oh, the irony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 428

You deserved it 43 253

Today, I came to the unhappy realization that I’m living such a cliche. I’m completely in love with a totally unavailable man. He’s funny, smart, and drop dead gorgeous. There’s no way I could ever tell him how I truly feel. He’s gay and I’m a woman. We’ll never be more than friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 348