Intimacy: Messy

Messy

By hopeless1 - 26/04/2009 05:40 - United States

Today, I met a really hot guy at a bar. We talked for a while and really seemed to hit it off. We ended up going to my apartment. He stopped and said, "Clean up this mess and maybe we could do something another time." I am a complete neat freak - my apartment had been robbed and trashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 975

You deserved it 5 846

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

Attraction

By Chelsea - 02/04/2012 17:31 - United States

Today, I met a really attractive guy outside of a club. We came back to my apartment and had sex. Afterward, we both fell asleep. I woke up and found 20 dollars on my nightstand that wasn't there before. He thought I was a prostitute, and apparently a cheap one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 487

You deserved it 38 933

By ultraattitude - 22/04/2012 07:01 - United States - Union City

Today, I met a hot guy at the bar and we hit it off instantly. After a few drinks, he called a cab for us. When it arrived, I seducingly asked, "My place or yours?" He responds, "Both. I'll go to mine and you go to yours" and walked away. The cab driver laughed the whole way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 016

You deserved it 12 625

Niles Crane wannabe

By that’s crazy - 12/02/2023 17:00 - United States

Today, I felt comfortable enough to invite the guy I’ve been seeing over to my apartment for the first time. Things immediately got weird when he started to inspect my place top to bottom to make sure it was “clean to his standards”. I told him to leave when he started going in my closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 127

You deserved it 114

By Melaknee - 19/03/2009 00:10 - United States

Today, I saw an attractive man outside the club I was trying to get into to. We talked, and ended up having sex in my apartment. The next day when I was dropping him off, I discovered he was homeless and was outside the club begging for money. My house is suddenly out of bread and cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 457

You deserved it 149 806

By Anonymous - 30/09/2012 06:29 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I was really impressed with the man I've been in a relationship with for over two years. He had finally really cleaned his apartment. Everything was washed and fixed, even my stuff was cleared from open surfaces. All so his lover would not find out about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 964

You deserved it 2 481

By Anonymous - 11/04/2015 22:05 - United States - Shelby

Today, while walking down the street, a cute guy approached me. We ended up having some drinks then heading back to his place and hooked up. Afterwards, I used the bathroom, and when I came out, he was going through his wallet and asked me how much he owed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 942

You deserved it 11 913

Hot stuff

By anonymous - 07/06/2009 06:18 - Korea Republic of

Today, I met a hot guy at the club. We danced and had a really good time, so I invited him home with me for the night. The next morning, I awoke to the sound of what I thought to be running water. I looked up to find him, naked, and pissing into my air conditioner unit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 455

You deserved it 25 713

Bang for your buck

By Anonymous - 24/08/2022 06:00

Today, feeling attractive, I got dressed up and took myself to a trendy bar to enjoy some cocktails. A muscular, handsome man approached me and we began to flirt. He recommended that we get a hotel room, which we did. After we had the most amazing sex of my life, he started to tell me his price. He was an escort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 976

You deserved it 582

Is this the worst Netflix and chill ever?

By Anonymous - 15/08/2018 06:00

Today, a guy I'd been seeing briefly came over for cocktails and a movie. The night ended with him vomiting in my bathroom and on my couch, using my toothbrush, then proceeding to tell me how big his ex-boyfriend's dick was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 999

You deserved it 523

Dodgy

By jsw029 - 26/02/2009 04:51 - United States

Today, I met a guy at a bar and we went back to my room. We start having sex and, about 30 seconds in, he stops and says it's not right - he likes me too much for a one night stand. He gives me his number, a kiss on the cheek, and leaves. It turns out that he'd already came. I called his phone - wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 163

You deserved it 20 925

JohnFR33M4N 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 16:11

cockblocked by a robber. never heard that one before

24788 6

Sunday 26 April 2009 16:08

That really sucks, but he should have waited if you were robbed. Not a true guy imo, find someone better.

Comments

toolman 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 16:39

LoL #8 thats mean but funny

DizzyDemon0 9

Sunday 26 April 2009 16:54

hahaha. you got ur shit stolen and didn't get laid...good night ay?

SpliffyMcBlunt 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 17:01

Ok #10 here's some more of my sexist comments: What do you do when the dishwasher breaks? - you hit her Why haven't women been to the moon? - the moon doesn't need cleaning yet.. What's the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies? -I don't have a Ferrari in my garage..

divineinstrument 2

Sunday 28 June 2009 21:11

Lol the last one wasn't sexist but I've never heard the first one. It's absolutely hilarious! Here are a couple of other good sexist jokes: What should you do if your wife is not in the kitchen? - Tighten her chains Whose fault is it if you run over your wife? - Your fault for driving in the kitchen

a_homeless_guy 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 17:12

#8 and # 13, hahaha that sucks though, fyl

djwhaaat 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 17:16

Sounds like a fake story.

sLap_fml 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 17:22

wow, that really sucks, did you try telling him that you were robbed? i hope you didn't lose anything too valuable.

sLap_fml 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 17:26

and #3, guys might actually care. i am a girl and i have a messier room then my 16 year old pot head brother, some guys do care.

dominoeffect 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 17:32

Agree with #15

look_its_me 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 17:41

hahaha #8 & 13 although dead baby jokes arent sexist, just funny but @OP that really sucks this is probably one of the most fyl-ish stories ive ever heard

NorfolkDude 2

Sunday 26 April 2009 17:47

This sounds pretty fake. First off, I would assume that if your apartment has been robbed, that would be your FML. Second, I would also assume that you would say something like, "Oh no, I've been robbed."