Intimacy: Messy

Messy

By hopeless1 - 26/04/2009 05:40 - United States

Today, I met a really hot guy at a bar. We talked for a while and really seemed to hit it off. We ended up going to my apartment. He stopped and said, "Clean up this mess and maybe we could do something another time." I am a complete neat freak - my apartment had been robbed and trashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 975

You deserved it 5 846

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Attraction

By Chelsea - 02/04/2012 17:31 - United States

Today, I met a really attractive guy outside of a club. We came back to my apartment and had sex. Afterward, we both fell asleep. I woke up and found 20 dollars on my nightstand that wasn't there before. He thought I was a prostitute, and apparently a cheap one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 487

You deserved it 38 933

By ultraattitude - 22/04/2012 07:01 - United States - Union City

Today, I met a hot guy at the bar and we hit it off instantly. After a few drinks, he called a cab for us. When it arrived, I seducingly asked, "My place or yours?" He responds, "Both. I'll go to mine and you go to yours" and walked away. The cab driver laughed the whole way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 016

You deserved it 12 625

Niles Crane wannabe

By that’s crazy - 12/02/2023 17:00 - United States

Today, I felt comfortable enough to invite the guy I’ve been seeing over to my apartment for the first time. Things immediately got weird when he started to inspect my place top to bottom to make sure it was “clean to his standards”. I told him to leave when he started going in my closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 127

You deserved it 114

By Melaknee - 19/03/2009 00:10 - United States

Today, I saw an attractive man outside the club I was trying to get into to. We talked, and ended up having sex in my apartment. The next day when I was dropping him off, I discovered he was homeless and was outside the club begging for money. My house is suddenly out of bread and cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 457

You deserved it 149 806

By Anonymous - 30/09/2012 06:29 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I was really impressed with the man I've been in a relationship with for over two years. He had finally really cleaned his apartment. Everything was washed and fixed, even my stuff was cleared from open surfaces. All so his lover would not find out about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 964

You deserved it 2 481

By Anonymous - 11/04/2015 22:05 - United States - Shelby

Today, while walking down the street, a cute guy approached me. We ended up having some drinks then heading back to his place and hooked up. Afterwards, I used the bathroom, and when I came out, he was going through his wallet and asked me how much he owed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 942

You deserved it 11 913

Hot stuff

By anonymous - 07/06/2009 06:18 - Korea Republic of

Today, I met a hot guy at the club. We danced and had a really good time, so I invited him home with me for the night. The next morning, I awoke to the sound of what I thought to be running water. I looked up to find him, naked, and pissing into my air conditioner unit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 455

You deserved it 25 713

Bang for your buck

By Anonymous - 24/08/2022 06:00

Today, feeling attractive, I got dressed up and took myself to a trendy bar to enjoy some cocktails. A muscular, handsome man approached me and we began to flirt. He recommended that we get a hotel room, which we did. After we had the most amazing sex of my life, he started to tell me his price. He was an escort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 976

You deserved it 582

Is this the worst Netflix and chill ever?

By Anonymous - 15/08/2018 06:00

Today, a guy I'd been seeing briefly came over for cocktails and a movie. The night ended with him vomiting in my bathroom and on my couch, using my toothbrush, then proceeding to tell me how big his ex-boyfriend's dick was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 999

You deserved it 523

Dodgy

By jsw029 - 26/02/2009 04:51 - United States

Today, I met a guy at a bar and we went back to my room. We start having sex and, about 30 seconds in, he stops and says it's not right - he likes me too much for a one night stand. He gives me his number, a kiss on the cheek, and leaves. It turns out that he'd already came. I called his phone - wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 163

You deserved it 20 925

JohnFR33M4N 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 16:11

cockblocked by a robber. never heard that one before

24788 6

Sunday 26 April 2009 16:08

That really sucks, but he should have waited if you were robbed. Not a true guy imo, find someone better.

Comments

Exlibris 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 17:49

Oooh ouch, but yeah I'm sorry to everyone who said otherwise, a lot of guys do care. Although I have to say wouldn't maybe the TV missing and things being upside down tip him off that just maybe your apartment wasn't always that bad?

your_face 15

Sunday 26 April 2009 18:02

Dang, FYL. Though I think if you had just been robbed you would have more important things to do than take a guy to bed... like call the police and check your valuables. You can always call the guy later and explain, if he's that important.

brodizzle 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 18:18

Uh, to me it sounds like he meant "It looks like you have to do some cleaning up, so I guess that means no sex for me!" That he didn't help you clean makes him a douchebag though. But what did you expect picking up guys at bars? "Really hot guys" don't need to hang around bars to get sex, unless they have some severe character flaw.

bad_JUJU 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 18:21

sounds like he is pretty high maintenance anyway. not many guys would give up nookie cuz of a mess.

TryToBeKind 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 18:26

I hope that you could explain to him that you were robbed. Then, he'd be able to say, "I met this really cute guy/girl in a bar and went over to his/her apt. to hook up. The apartment looked like a mess and I basically told him/her taht they needed to clean up first. Then, he/she told me they'd been robbed and I looked like a jackass. FLM."

JP101 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 18:32

But they left your computer?

MukyDaCookie 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 18:45

#27 most thieves go for small easy to sell things like jewels and walletts. And of course the 3 grams of weed you've got taped to the bottom of your sock drawer

aphrodita 0

Sunday 26 April 2009 19:00

I don't get it... the guy just stormed out of your apartment a second after he said that? I mean, you didn't even have ten seconds to tell him that your apartment isn't usually like that, meaning you were robbed...? I don't know, sounds kind of odd to me. If it's true then sorry to hear you were robbed, though.