Sex and Intimacy: My ears!

My ears!

By puking now - 14/12/2013 00:34 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, my sister brought a guy home while our parents were out. They had sex in her bedroom. I heard everything. The worst part wasn't her stupidly excessive moaning; it was that the moans sounded eerily similar to a cow mooing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 191

You deserved it 5 162

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Same thing different taste

By whoawhoawhoa - 28/12/2010 22:04 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 632

You deserved it 4 984

By OhFseriously123 - 06/08/2009 10:05 - Italy

Today, I was having sex with a girl. She was really into it and not holding back on the noise...That is, until I received a text message from my little sister next door reading "If she is making that much noise, she is probably faking it...Trust me, I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 555

You deserved it 13 644

Good moaning

By jackson - 06/09/2010 17:02 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my sister and her husband pretending to make moaning sounds in the room next to mine. I began to make moaning sounds as well to fight back. It turns out the "moaning" was actually their dogs snoring down stairs. Breakfast was awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 144

You deserved it 39 120

Creeped out

By shawty - 22/08/2010 12:14 - Australia

Today, I heard my mother and father having sexual intercourse, and I found out that my mother moans the same way as my girlfriend. Guess who I now think about every time my girlfriend moans? FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 193

You deserved it 6 469

By Awkward... - 29/01/2013 09:40 - United States - Killeen

Today, my sister's boyfriend called while she was out. The second I answered he tried to have phone sex with me. When I explained to him that I wasn't my sister and that we just sound the same on the phone, he replied, "Don't care, let's keep going." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 247

You deserved it 5 001

Nooooooo!

By ScarredEars - 12/08/2010 12:02 - United States

Today, I heard my parents having sex. It wouldn't have been so bad if we weren't in the same hotel room. They thought I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 388

You deserved it 3 801

By why - 28/07/2014 01:55 - United States

Today, I listened to my best friend describe having sex with her boyfriend in explicit detail. This would have been fine, but her boyfriend is my little brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 718

You deserved it 5 527

Disrespectful

By awskme - 09/01/2010 00:36 - France

Today, I was having passionate sex with my girlfriend of nine months. She was making a lot of noise, so I told her to keep it down, and reminded her that my parents and sister downstairs. A few minutes later, I got a text from my sister, saying my parents wanted to make sure I was wearing a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 851

You deserved it 29 099

By glittercat - 26/01/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 260

You deserved it 3 323

By Anonymous - 03/01/2009 16:48 - France

Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 691

You deserved it 4 395

Nyx_fml 23

Saturday 14 December 2013 5:05

Seems like her boyfriend wasn't the only one getting milked.

Nederlander95 14

Saturday 14 December 2013 5:04

I guess he was just a real BULL in bed

Comments

joea21 21

Saturday 14 December 2013 5:09

Welcome to the barnyard.

JoseIsAdork 31

Saturday 14 December 2013 5:10

milk me like one of your french cows!

NessaMae 19

Saturday 14 December 2013 8:47

I just ******* lost it reading your comment. That was amazing, it's officially my favorite thing now.

ZY1431 24

Saturday 14 December 2013 5:13

barn time brawl y'all

hitemup789 4

Saturday 14 December 2013 5:13

She took the bull by the horn...

jaycee1209 5

Saturday 14 December 2013 5:18

I see how the milkshake song started now.. ugh (shivers)

TheCerealKiller 24

Saturday 14 December 2013 5:20

At least they closed the door-implying she wasn't born in a barn.

ThatNutellaTho 6

Saturday 21 December 2013 10:28

I Soo Loved That Cx

timss4 19

Saturday 14 December 2013 5:22

Somehow I feel retaliation is way too easy with this one. But I guess that's just the evil mind of an older brother talkin haha

MilitaryPegasus 18

Saturday 14 December 2013 5:24

Omfg, that's great XD. I'm sorry op

olpally 32

Saturday 14 December 2013 5:25

He was just milking her, no worries. Hahaha.

carelessxdanger 9

Saturday 14 December 2013 5:29

could of been worse. at least she wasnt quacking (:

magickitten 26

Saturday 14 December 2013 6:19

Or she could have been baa-ing!

Keywords

Love My ex Awkward Jealousy Friends AITA Health Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Sports Proposal Snow Cold weather Annoying Cheating Money Relatable Work DIY Kids Parenting Accident Parents Medication ADHD Weather Miscellaneous Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird

The Top

Today, I woke up from a night of serious depression, drinking by myself at home, to find a USB stick wrapped in plastic up my vagina, with "Top secret" written on it. There was nothing on the stick when I checked. I may need to give tequila a rest and switch back to gin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 1 832

Today, my wife and I can’t decide if we should force my stepson to wait when he rudely demands something, in the hope he’ll learn patience and some manners, or just give him what he wants so he’ll go away and stop making us miserable. He’s 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 1 294

The Top

Today, I tried talking to the very quiet girl in my grade. We were having a conversation when a very hot guy walked into the cafeteria. I said to the girl, "The things I would do for him…" She looked at me dead in the eye and said, "That's my boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 743

You deserved it 4 735

Today, I had to help my little sister do a first-grade project for school. For one part, they have to draw a picture of their role model. She drew a whale, and I asked, "A whale is your role model?" She laughed and said, "No! It's you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 628

You deserved it 5 997

Today, our dog peed on nearly all the wrapped gifts under our Christmas tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 236

You deserved it 5 155

Today, I was working the lighting for a drama production. In the last scene, two characters realize they are in love and kiss, then the stage goes dark. I mixed up my settings, and instead of a blackout, flashing party lights started going off. 300 people turn around to stare at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 533

You deserved it 39 448

Today, I discovered that the "dish soap" my sister uses to clean our dishes when it's her turn, is actually a semi-toxic floor cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 098

You deserved it 3 040

Today, we found out that the beloved "Uncle Jimmy" from my early childhood was really the man my mother was cheating on my dad with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 228

You deserved it 1 684