Health: MY SHIT Do Not Eat! - FML

MY SHIT Do Not Eat!

By you're shitting me - 27/05/2013 05:05 - Australia

Today, after months of tests for mystery nerve pain, I went to get more blood taken only to leave the clinic with an empty tin to collect my bowel movements for the next 72 hours. Which needs to be refrigerated. I live with four other people, with one fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 681

You deserved it 3 264

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Tis the season to be jolly

By littl3storm - 23/12/2020 15:59 - United Kingdom

Today, at the ripe age of 20, I spent the early hours of my morning violently vomiting blood every time I got too warm. I then had the pleasure of shitting in a plastic container for a stool sample, due to said problem, after one and half hours of sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 86

By shatMyself - 22/04/2013 19:10 - United States

Today, I was admitted to the hospital for chronic constipation. I have to share a room with two other girls who are also having bowel problems. We're all on strong laxatives, and there's apparently only one bathroom in this place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 478

You deserved it 3 422

What is wrong with me?

By I can't anymore - 16/06/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, my finally figuring out what the hell is wrong with my body has coincided with the local clinic closing for the weekend. I can't get referrals until they open again. Only three long, boring, miserable days and three long, agonizing, sleepless nights to go. And probably more even after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 86

The first step is admitting you have a problem: take away is bad for you.

By Tyr88 - 05/03/2017 02:00 - Australia - Blakehurst

Today, I opened my fridge. It's entire contents: half a takeaway meal and 4 bottles of wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 556

You deserved it 1 610

Asshole

By Anonymous - 30/04/2015 17:33 - United Kingdom - Limavady

Today, someone at work took my delicate medication out of the fridge to make room for their lunch. Now my medication has expired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 730

You deserved it 2 888

By Anonymous - 27/06/2014 17:32 - Japan - Yokohama

Today, I went to the hospital due to vomiting and abdominal pain, and they decided to fit me with an IV drip. It took several tries by two different people to get the cannula in. I feel like a human pin-cushion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 833

You deserved it 4 508

By Disappointed Mom - 31/07/2016 20:31 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was supposed to be enjoying a long-anticipated, desperately needed, weekend away. Turns out those "little stomach twinges" were actually symptoms of appendicitis. I'm stuck in the hospital, alone, recovering from surgery, while my family is enjoying our non-refundable break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 677

You deserved it 1 037

Thanks for nothing

By Somebody - 19/08/2020 17:01

Today, my mother-in-law came over. Probably thinking that the needles in our fridge were steroids, and wanting to do the right thing, she took them to throw them away. I'm diabetic, and they were my insulin. I went into shock after she left and had to go to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 652

You deserved it 158

Climate change

By BloodyHorror - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, the blood from some defrosted steak dripped under my fridge where I couldn't see it. One insanely hot day later, and my whole house smells like it has its period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 989

You deserved it 483

The doctor will see you… soon

By Anonymous - 09/06/2022 10:00

Today, I spent several hours sitting in the ER hyperventilating from pain and passing out, due to a herniated disc in my back. I had to watch at least 5 people go ahead of me, whose only complaints was that their stomach hurt or they felt nauseous. One of these people had a bag of snacks with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 949

You deserved it 166

Next

Top comments

lambda_fml 40

Monday 27 May 2013 13:55

Yet you managed to write four.

rivaraven 35

Monday 27 May 2013 15:49

#61, for the next 72 hours. I think the problem is not OP, but you and your ability to read.

Comments

mattbaker 17

Thursday 5 June 2014 8:01

Are you sure no one steals food from another person.

its_jonny_bro 16

Thursday 3 July 2014 6:25

Buy a mini fridge and cover it with decor to make it not look like a fridge If you know what i mean

fantasyworld 37

Monday 5 January 2015 3:35

Time to get a mini fridge.

hiyachicka 9

Tuesday 19 April 2016 22:49

Buy a cooler?

Hollie Newton 6

Sunday 21 October 2018 2:12

just get a mini fridge for it

Keywords

Embarrassing Miscellaneous Awkward Sleep Work Love Dating Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Dogs Animals Teenagers Ironic Video games Gamers Zoom

The Top

Today, my husband has been out partying all night. While my in-laws didn't ask him a single question, earlier I received more than six calls from them about when I'll be home to cook and clean. Where was I? In the office for the first time after working from home for past 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 056

You deserved it 111

Today, my laptop was slow so I used my husband’s laptop. I went to the bedroom and found it opened, so I moved the trackpad and it powered on. The first thing I see is a page with redhead porn, and another tab with nude redheads. You know who else is a redhead? The new girl at his job he tells me not to worry about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 132

The Top

Today, my girlfriend was packing for her study abroad program. Jokingly, I got her a pack of condoms. She laughed, saying "Oh yeah, I'll definitely need some of those." Later, I showed up to take her to the airport and saw her open suitcase in the kitchen, with the condoms on top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 298

You deserved it 33 483

Today, I tried to drown out the petulant whining of my idiot coworker as he droned on and on about how, “bitches don’t appreciate good men.” He’s 35, lives at home, still uses the term 'friendzone' and has the hygiene of a sewer-dwelling ogre. I was written up for for snapping and yelling at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 388

You deserved it 223

Today, after reading about seduction techniques, I wore shades and a brightly colored shirt to a club to attract female attention. However, the sunglasses rendered me almost blind, and I tripped over a step, crashed into tables, and thanks to the shirt, everyone saw it happen in glorious technicolor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 240

You deserved it 45 762

Today, my girlfriend and I went to the bank to get her new ATM card. As the bank teller gave her the card, he said that the PIN remained the same. Indignant, she cried out, "How do you possibly know my PIN code?" She's 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 007

You deserved it 527

Today, after making love to my boyfriend, I went upstairs to shower. After turning it on, I found a huge pimple on my leg and the prospect of popping it excited me more than my boyfriend ever had in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 139

You deserved it 392

Today, my mom said I should start wearing push up bras to make myself look better. I was wearing one when she said that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 822

You deserved it 3 951