Furniture and Miscellaneous: Nice try

Nice try

By grovage - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a repairman came to fix my couch, which is under warranty because the frame had broken in multiple places. To ensure I got a new couch out of the deal, I stabbed multiple holes into the cushion. The guy fixed the frame, but said there was nothing he could do about lacerations on the sofa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 792

You deserved it 81 994

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Customized

By gss - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I pulled one of my favorite hoodies out of my closet, and immediately noticed several large stains on it. Apparently, my dad had managed to open a hole in the roof and couldn't be bothered to patch it, so a squirrel got in and used my closet as a litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 515

You deserved it 2 280

Boxing

By Holly - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I had to wait in a hospital room because I cut myself with a knife while trying to open a box of soda. After three stitches, I went home only to notice the box has an easy-open tab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 519

You deserved it 32 193

Suspicious

By StevieMe - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 782

You deserved it 99 808

By Anonymous - 26/08/2009 18:55 - United States

Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 862

You deserved it 4 723

Dumbass

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 987

You deserved it 248

By "ztodaro" - 30/06/2017 20:00

Today, while I was inside a store, I heard a crash. Of course I ignored it because my car was parked. I paid for my items and walked out to see this. Nobody else was around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 890

You deserved it 291

Silly idea

By jameen - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Tadley

Today, whilst out shopping with my crush, I decided to jokingly try on a silly-looking dress in an overly-expensive shop. Apparently I took the wrong size as I couldn't get out. Not only did the shop assistants have to publicly cut me out of the dress, I had to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 852

You deserved it 47 264

I was right all along

By 3peeps - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I came to the conclusion that I was right about thinking how much it would hurt to hit your head on a door-frame, stub your toe on a stone table leg, and then trip over your cat, who won't take it well and will probably claw your recently stubbed toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 812

You deserved it 4 059

Neil Diamond was wrong

By LucyLollipop - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I had my first glass of red wine after months of pregnancy and giving birth. Just as I sat down and started to relax, I spilled it all over myself and my in-law’s couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 270

You deserved it 937

Guilty

By jamienicole1993 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Savannah

Today, I woke up to a broken car window and a text from my ex that read, "Before you ask me, the answer is yes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 925

You deserved it 3 338

YdoIhaveAchode 4

Thursday 3 May 2012 8:02

You're stupid.

EricWill 1

Thursday 3 May 2012 8:04

Are you retarded?

Comments

greatfirstdate 18

Friday 4 May 2012 4:51

**** you, OP. People like you are the reason my mom tells me that if I hit someone's parked car, to just drive away without leaving a note. Of course, I wouldn't do that, but you guys take away her trust in people that she can't even leave a note for fear that she would be cheated. Some advice: be ******* honest. Then shit like this wouldn't happen to you. Or if it did, you knew that you couldn't do anything to prevent it.

Sniper3000 0

Friday 4 May 2012 5:15

You are so smart....

watsonpsykosis 10

Friday 4 May 2012 6:11

Gawd, you're dumb...don't ever leave the house alone.

mrboomstik 3

Friday 4 May 2012 6:31

Were you high? How stupid are you? YDI

derangedtirefire 2

Friday 4 May 2012 7:28

I work at a small mom-and-pop furniture store, and people like you are the worst. NEWSFLASH: Even if the sofa had left the store from which you had purchased it with those puncture marks, you STILL wouldn't have gotten a new sofa. You know why? If companies replaced a whole sofa, loveseat, or chair for every idiot like you in the world, we would all be paying exponentially more. What most stores do is request a "cut-and-sewn" piece from the manufacturer and have a repair tech install it on-site. Frames break all the time due to knots, natural weaknesses in the wood, and abuse (which seems more than probable here). If I was the repairman, I would have busted your ass down for fraud.

PoppaSoda 5

Friday 4 May 2012 8:13

Way to smart think that unhonest deal.

sellout39 0

Friday 4 May 2012 9:57

way to use your reasoning skills.

xgetxbentx 13

Friday 4 May 2012 12:17

Probably should have read over the warranty policy dumb shit.

DanielleinDC 33

Friday 4 May 2012 17:14

How stupid and greedy are you to think that you'll get a new couch out of the deal if you stab the cushions? You wouldn't have been happy having the repairman fix the frame? You so deserve this. Enjoy your stabbed sofa.