Love: No help wanted

No help wanted

By Anonymous - 20/01/2013 18:22 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, after an hour of crying over a guy I like, I put on some Adele and sang along. My mom quickly took notice and came to give me advice, which was to "get over it" because he doesn't want me, and that "masturbation beats relationships hands down." Gee, thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 626

You deserved it 7 579

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Same thing different taste

By shylahrc - 03/05/2014 23:51 - United States

Today, my mom discovered a new way to get over her breakup: yodelling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 171

You deserved it 3 534

Dating sucks

By Anonymous - 26/11/2021 19:59

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 407

You deserved it 475

Realistic

By IBleedArbor - 16/02/2009 22:59 - United States

Today, my dad told me to take my stress out by getting a girlfriend. My mom laughed and said, "No that won't work, just go jack off in the shower again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 301

You deserved it 5 027

By Author - 24/02/2014 22:22 - United States - Naples

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Devastated, I told my dad about it, hoping he'd help cheer me up. His advice was, "Just rub one out son, you'll feel better in no time." Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 412

You deserved it 6 838

By Anonymous - 12/03/2013 18:40 - Canada - London

Today, I told my mom about the rough time I'm having over my recent break-up, and how I can't help thinking about my ex every single day. Her attempt to console me involved saying, "Pft. I bet he doesn't think about you every day" and walking away. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 454

You deserved it 6 254

Moral support

By too bad so sad - 15/02/2009 11:51 - United States

Today, as I sat on my couch heartbroken from a very recent breakup, my mother walked up to me and in a very comforting voice said, "Maybe he left you for someone else." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 608

You deserved it 2 479

By bastard magnet - 02/10/2011 22:14 - United States

Today, I came home crying after my boyfriend dumped me for another girl. My dad told me to come tell him what was wrong. I sat down and let it all out, after which he looked up from his book, into my eyes, and gave me his loving advice: "Just cry about it and move on to another bastard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 097

You deserved it 7 961

You OK hun?

By notexactly - 29/12/2009 00:48 - Sweden

Today, the guy I like called me, and my mom picked up. Just as it happened, I slipped and fell in the shower, and was sitting there moaning. The guy asked if he could speak to me, but my mom heard me and answered, "Well, she's masturbating right now, but I'll tell her to call you later!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 144

You deserved it 3 336

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 21:45 - United States

Today, my mom tried to give me advice on how to improve my looks. I scoffed at her but listened to her advice anyway. She ended her tirade with, "I just want you to get laid someday." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 189

You deserved it 3 650

Thanks but no thanks

By Anonymous - 04/07/2012 18:01 - United States

Today, I called my mom to see how she was doing. She quickly hijacked the conversation and said that she's signed me up for a dating site, because she feels bad that I can't find a decent man. I've been dating my boyfriend for seven months, and she's seen me with him multiple times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 541

You deserved it 2 405

strawberrywine22 30

Monday 21 January 2013 2:02

If singing along to Adele is your way of grieving over your lost relationship, I'm with your mother. Maybe you should stick to boyfriends that require AA batteries.

ballbearing 10

Monday 21 January 2013 2:00

Your mom is right.

Comments

Starcatch77 20

Monday 21 January 2013 1:59

Great Mom.

ballbearing 10

Monday 21 January 2013 2:00

Your mom is right.

strawberrywine22 30

Monday 21 January 2013 2:02

If singing along to Adele is your way of grieving over your lost relationship, I'm with your mother. Maybe you should stick to boyfriends that require AA batteries.

skoob1 12

Monday 21 January 2013 5:19

Yes, because an alcoholic anonymous meeting is definitely a great place to find a keeper. At least they're trying!

spaboolly 26

Monday 21 January 2013 5:24

49- If your attempts at jokes leave people thinking "What the hell is this guy talking about?" then you should probably work on your humor.

sens3sfailing 24

Monday 21 January 2013 5:43

I think most people will understand the joke, being that it isnt very clever at all. it just sucks.

Quidikic 9

Monday 21 January 2013 6:40

Yes, quite. Your creativity with said initialism is oh so clever.

ScaryyMary 14

Monday 21 January 2013 2:03

Your mom is ridiculous. Vibrators can't buy you presents or dinner.

ElatedEarthling 15

Monday 21 January 2013 2:20

But boyfriends can't vibrate...

ScaryyMary 14

Monday 21 January 2013 2:24

Solution: date a robot.

ElatedEarthling 15

Monday 21 January 2013 2:26

Or someone with sex-induced epilepsy.

LilRob58 5

Monday 21 January 2013 5:45

Some of us can vibrate.....

Quidikic 9

Monday 21 January 2013 6:42

53- Yeah, what if we would spend an hour in a freezer before sex? Hint hint, ladies.

zandalee 19

Monday 21 January 2013 7:32

...depends on how frozen solid the member is.

Kal3Y 12

Monday 21 January 2013 2:03

Maybe she was trying to help with some tough love? Either way, sorry OP:(

tomhofer 14

Monday 21 January 2013 2:04

We could of had it alllllllllll rolling in the deeeeeeeeeeppppp

ScaryyMary 14

Monday 21 January 2013 2:06

I always wondered what that song meant...

sarbear293 4

Monday 21 January 2013 2:04

Well, maybe she's right

Coop817 19

Monday 21 January 2013 2:05

Nothing beats advise from the wise

Coop817 19

Monday 21 January 2013 4:43

*Advice Wow

theycallmekitty 13

Monday 21 January 2013 2:07

Tell her you can't use your mouth on yourself.

Ohitsariel 25

Sunday 21 February 2016 5:37

That's probably not something you should say to your mother....

zandalee 19

Monday 21 January 2013 2:08

Sounds like a pretty cool Mum to me. Vibrators don't argue, never leave the loo seat up, never hog the remote, can be extremely flexible, ;) and never tell you your bum looks big. Get one!

ScaryyMary 14

Monday 21 January 2013 2:11

Yeah, but you try to take one into a movie theatre with you and all of a sudden you're a pervert.

redbluegreen 40

Monday 21 January 2013 2:26

Maybe we're going to the wrong theaters, Mary.

ScaryyMary 14

Monday 21 January 2013 2:27

Pee Wee Herman WAS my childhood hero, after all...

zandalee 19

Monday 21 January 2013 7:36

...Hey I just discovered another way to use a vibrator! Turn it on, put it between the mattress and the base - instant vibrating bed! Very soothing. Of course it does help to have a vibrator with industrial strength and durability...