Miscellaneous, Awkward, Dad jokes and Funerals: Not now, Dave

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Not now, Dave

By shanti - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff

Today, my husband cracked a "Rectum? Damn near killed him" joke at my grandfather's funeral. He had genuinely spoken without thinking, but his quick gasp and "Oh shit" sounded quite sarcastic. We were both kicked out. My family thinks I put him up to the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 500

You deserved it 4 855

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
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Same thing different taste

By sillymink - 20/08/2016 02:06 - United States

Today, I accidentally farted in the middle of my grandfather's funeral and my cousin started cracking up. It caused a chain reaction of laughter throughout all of the other cousins and my siblings. Now my aunts won't speak to any of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 747

You deserved it 2 422

Overheard musings

By thanks hun - 07/05/2020 20:00

Today, my husband came out of the bathroom and screamed, "Call 911 because I just murdered this motherfucking toilet!” then laughed hysterically at his own stupid joke. I was on a Zoom meeting at the time. Everyone heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 007

You deserved it 278

Read the room

By Sarah - 11/02/2025 09:00 - United States - Austin

Today, I was at a family gathering and during a lull in the conversation I started to tell a joke to lighten the mood. Halfway through, I realized the joke was incredibly inappropriate. The room fell silent, and my grandma hasn’t looked at me the same since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 615

Not funny

By Anonymous - 09/10/2015 18:02 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, while having lunch with my grandparents, my grandpa's eyes glazed over, his head fell and he slumped in his chair. I started panicking and almost cried, thinking he was dead. Then he laughed and said "Just kidding. I'm fine." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 179

You deserved it 2 699

Don't mention it

By PoorGramps - 09/12/2009 07:39 - United States

Today, my greatgrandpa came over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, he pooped himself. My family went through the rest of the meal acting like we hadn't noticed to avoid embarassment. As it was coming to an end, my sister came home and immediately yelled, "Ew! Did someone poop?" He cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 479

You deserved it 3 153

By Anonymous - 06/07/2011 23:38 - United States

Today, my family attended the funeral of an old family friend's baby, who died in childbirth. Afterwards, my husband went around snickering and quietly telling dead baby jokes to the other attendees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 739

You deserved it 6 247

By Anonymous - 08/08/2015 05:18 - Canada

Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 560

You deserved it 2 161

By ubbernoob - 05/03/2009 19:33 - United States

Today, I walked into my house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad. I thought it would be a good time to crack a joke and said, "What's wrong? Grandma finally die?" Turns out she had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 283

You deserved it 143 023

Hot air

By SuperSleuth - 07/10/2021 11:01 - United States - Miami

Today, right before my hubby got home and walked into the bedroom, I farted. The smell was so bad that he thought he'd stepped in shit and to looked at the bottom of his shoes for dog poop. I laughed so hard, but with a horrified look he asked, "How"? He says I've got to see a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 835

You deserved it 355

By DutchOven - 04/07/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 412

You deserved it 25 969

HowieDoIt 21

Sunday 16 February 2014 19:49

Never heard that one before, i'll have to add that to my...arsenal of jokes.

onealmxwilson 18

Sunday 16 February 2014 20:05

#20, that would be his grammar

Comments

brandoneyez1 25

Monday 17 February 2014 14:24

Always review your husbands speeches

jo0owe 9

Monday 17 February 2014 16:13

if so, your family are all completly dumb... how can they put thé fault on you if you didint even say anything, id Just stop talking to them, respect goes both way