Awkward and Intimacy: Not now

Not now

By Wife - 08/08/2011 00:02 - United States

Today, while zooming down the interstate, I had to tell my husband to put his penis away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 471

You deserved it 6 655

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 499

You deserved it 11 071

By Shantwozzlah - 26/03/2012 16:15 - United States - Kissimmee

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me by maniacally zooming in and out of traffic while we were on his motorcycle. His mood turned to anger when I nervously admitted to having voided my bowels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 853

You deserved it 3 589

Communication tool

By Anonymous - 10/10/2012 21:48 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 332

You deserved it 6 185

By sammy18f - 24/02/2015 03:46 - United States - Brentwood

Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 116

You deserved it 3 784

By mentallyscarred - 31/01/2011 09:34 - United States

Today, while I was waiting at a bus stop, a man stopped at the red light and smiled at me. I smiled back. He blew me a kiss and drove away, just as I realized he was masturbating behind the wheel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 156

You deserved it 4 708

By whatnot - 04/08/2011 04:04 - Canada

Today, while stuck in traffic on the highway, my 5 year-old in the back seat asked me why the man in the car next to us was pulling on the other man's "peepee". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 631

You deserved it 3 269

By fmlalways - 22/01/2011 13:00 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 780

You deserved it 5 152

By someoneneedsassistance - 24/04/2015 15:07 - United States - Woodford

Today, while driving, I saw a car pull over with its hazard lights on. I went to see if they needed help, only to see the guy was jerking off to something on his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 345

You deserved it 4 028

Road rage gone feral

By 16590 - 15/06/2012 22:13 - Sweden

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified, me or him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 338

You deserved it 4 850

By forever damaged - 21/12/2015 04:24 - United States - Wallkill

Today, while I was working at a gas station, a man came up to the register with his zipper undone and his penis hanging out in full view. I had to awkwardly hand him his change while trying not to look or make eye contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 709

You deserved it 1 652

Jacobt24 19

Monday 8 August 2011 8:52

He wanted you to head south if you know what I mean

jumpshot23 0

Monday 8 August 2011 8:51

He was pretending to drive a standard. Don't take his fun away.

Comments

Isaac_The_Great 0

Wednesday 17 August 2011 16:08

I would if let him stick it out the window.

AYsalchicha 3

Friday 19 August 2011 21:56

my bf does that all the time!

Rwcrazy 0

Sunday 28 August 2011 15:14

Instead just give him road head, uptight bitch

frank678 7

Sunday 11 September 2011 21:13

did you just beep? cuz i'm really horny.

Mayshod 3

Saturday 29 October 2011 15:40

He sounds like a fun/funny guy. Open sounds like a boring killjoy.

alyssaG15 0

Friday 23 March 2012 23:02

Wow, you should give him some then.(: lmao

NineeCat 32

Thursday 10 July 2014 8:50

Well, you're boring! D;

Mr_8iggle5worth 3

Monday 4 August 2014 0:52

Too many unanswered questions...

Keywords

TV shows Miscellaneous Work Awkward Coworkers Politics Transportation Embarrassing Ironic Relatable Social Media Instagram Parenting Shopping AITA Am I overreacting? Jealousy Love Kids Pranks Friends Dogs Housework Cars Porn Technology Sports Health Accident Mental health

The Top

Today, while driving with my family, the car got stuck in a large patch of mud. My family of seven decided that I, the fifteen year old girl, would be best suited to push it out. After slipping, falling, and getting completely covered in mud, they finally called a tow truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 255

You deserved it 3 821

Today, we decided to go to an aquarium for a little family get-away. At the end was a shark viewing deck, and I leaned over the rails to get a better look. How did I find out that my glasses needed to be adjusted? They fell off and sunk right to the bottom of the shark-infested waters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 380

You deserved it 13 608

The Top

Today, while discussing my family on a date, I mentioned that my parents are divorced. She immediately got up and left without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 931

You deserved it 268

Today, I went on a 50 km bike ride with a friend. We stopped for a break halfway through, and locked our bikes up. When we returned, some guy had locked his bike to mine. We had to wait an hour for him to return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 002

You deserved it 126

Today, my boyfriend learned how to somersault. He now thinks that he's a ninja and somersaults into every room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 840

You deserved it 4 819

Today, I asked out my best friend via facebook graffiti. He then accidentally wrote his rejection as his status instead of on my wall. More people liked his status than the number of friends I have on facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 684

You deserved it 8 730

Today, I decided to have cereal for breakfast. I poured the cereal in the bowl, added the milk and had a spoonful. Then I realized that my cereal was moving in the back of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 404

You deserved it 3 832

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 5 years only got divorced last year. I never even knew he was married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 873

You deserved it 285

Not now

Same thing different taste

Communication tool

Road rage gone feral

Top comments

Comments