Intimacy: Ouch

Ouch

By Anonymous - 14/12/2011 23:12 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 651

You deserved it 29 364

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
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Same thing different taste

Spit or Swallow?

By buymeflavoredlube - 05/06/2018 05:00

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a long blowjob and had to pause for a minute because my mouth became exceedingly dry. His solution? Spit directly in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 747

You deserved it 974

Dirty talk

By Username - 24/02/2010 15:06

Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 781

You deserved it 4 767

By scubai - 14/01/2010 20:36 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 595

You deserved it 5 731

Prince Charming

By muskogee - 20/09/2019 16:00

Today, my boyfriend wouldn’t stop smacking and slurping his food. I told him to at least chew with his mouth closed. He looked me dead in the eye, with a mouth full of chewed up pizza, and said, “No.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 387

You deserved it 354

Close but no BJ

By nikkrissa_04 - 07/08/2009 11:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 675

You deserved it 12 201

By soisblueballsdickhead - 26/10/2014 14:25 - United States

Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 042

You deserved it 9 713

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 307

You deserved it 2 763

By thisblows - 16/03/2011 16:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. I started to moan right when I was about to climax. He got worried, stopped and asked, "Are you okay?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 838

You deserved it 8 748

Underperforming

By ThatIsNotIt - 24/01/2021 04:02 - United Kingdom

Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly licked for about a minute and then gave up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 428

You deserved it 182

By valerie - 28/05/2011 01:04 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 044

You deserved it 18 790

justlikeme79 9

Thursday 15 December 2011 8:56

Yow. I'm a girl, but that makes ME hurt.

ThatLooksSticky 16

Thursday 15 December 2011 9:31

Considering how small tootsie rolls are, that might not be something to brag about.

Comments

intimate_pretzel 6

Tuesday 20 December 2011 23:19

Was it in a bun?

snapeaholic 5

Thursday 22 December 2011 9:22

Sorry anon, but i feel bad for the boyfriend in this situation...

thefuckinloser 6

Friday 23 December 2011 18:55

you need to learn how to suck **** it seems he not smart enough to learn you go have a threesome with a couple maybe you could learn no chomping

cass1_l0ve 13

Wednesday 28 December 2011 18:45

It seems like everyone on here but the OP agrees with 161: "chomp" and "*******" are just not two words that should ever be combined!!!

Stevie777 0

Wednesday 28 December 2011 21:37

just suck gently, use hands to massage, and swallow when the time comes!

saphire512 3

Thursday 5 January 2012 11:40

Lollipop Lil Wayne

monsterofthapuss 3

Friday 6 January 2012 12:39

you should look up pinky's dick sucking for dummies that's a woman who really knows what she's doing or just watch her movies she'll definitely teach you some good things well it worked with a girl i knew..........

shitwit2234 0

Wednesday 11 January 2012 6:39

I wouldnt mind if you chomped on mine

muffdriver27 5

Wednesday 11 January 2012 19:13

That shit does hurt. It's happend to me many of times I don't understand I'm like Dan girl open your mouth wider or something.

chubby_choco 17

Wednesday 18 January 2012 0:39

Why do guys think this is a skill women are born with? Sure, it probably hurt him, but are people suggesting he couldn't have been a little nicer about it? Tell him that he doesn't get any more play until he offers nice, well-spoken pointers - or you'll start verbally knifing him whenever he goes wrong in bed. And I'm sure he does.