Sex, Awkward and Intimacy: Poor performance dude - FML

Poor performance dude

By crybaby - 01/02/2012 08:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, it was my first time having sex with this guy. After a few second he stops, sits in the corner of his room buff-naked, with his knees up and his hands on his face. He then pouts and claims it was his worst performance ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 030

You deserved it 4 225

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Same thing different taste

By cmore - 11/03/2010 01:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when he finished, seemingly angry. He stood there naked complaining for 15 minutes about how our sex sucked. Then he demanded that I dress him because "it's my fault his clothes were off in the first place". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 063

You deserved it 5 652

Not a great start

By anon - 05/06/2021 02:01

Spicy

Today, after waiting to losing our virginity together, we finally did it, only for my boyfriend to claim he doesn't understand how people enjoy sex, since he found the waiting stressful, the sex awkward and undignified, the orgasm unimpressive and so sticky, he was desperate for a shower afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 516

You deserved it 218

By notsohappy - 18/02/2009 21:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, was the first time I had sex with a guy I really like. I took off my shirt and my bra and he said "wow, that's disappointing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 118 919

You deserved it 11 084

By Anonymous - 15/02/2010 13:28 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I decided to have sex with with my boyfriend. After we had finished I jokingly said, "who's going to sleep in the wet patch?". He got up and said "you're optimistic, I'm not staying. Oh, and I'm dumping you, that performance was disappointing". It was my first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 449

You deserved it 4 515

Frustrated wank

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 19:00

Spicy

Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 564

You deserved it 305

Waste

By Annie - 31/08/2011 03:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Two minutes in, he goes, "Wow, this is strenuous" and stopped. I waited three years for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 819

You deserved it 5 301

Follow the script

By ufhdafuhds - 19/03/2009 23:31 - Egypt

Spicy

Today, I had sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pocket. Turns out he'd written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139 399

You deserved it 14 504

Valid reason

By stephhh055 - 21/10/2019 16:00 - United States - Portland

Spicy

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend for the first time, he told me he wanted to break up. He told me my orgasm face wasn't something he could put up with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 492

You deserved it 267

Nuts

By Anonymous - 15/09/2011 20:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. Not only did he last just 2 minutes, he also sat there for a while afterwards, smacking his semi-erect penis in awe and saying, "Look, it's still hard! How crazy is that?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 879

You deserved it 6 151

By EliseV - 03/11/2014 18:56 - United States - Chino Hills

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity. In the middle of it, he just gave up and said he wasn't in the mood anymore. Then I had to listen about his past failed relationships for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 972

You deserved it 6 008

Next

Top comments

iAmScrubs 19

Wednesday 1 February 2012 16:01

Let's see what the judges have to say. I know Paula liked it. She's drunk so she likes everything.

thrAsHeRr9081 16

Wednesday 1 February 2012 16:01

You should give him another chance. Who knows? Maybe he'll crawl into the fetal position next time.

Comments

WoopwoopDutch 2

Wednesday 1 February 2012 22:25

Most first times aren't that great.. Get up and try again. (while I write this it is funny to say to the guy: get up)

ghostman1 0

Wednesday 1 February 2012 22:25

You know how to pick em...

Jasonf6 0

Wednesday 1 February 2012 22:52

A few seconds? I'd have to agree with him. :)

blackeducator 0

Wednesday 1 February 2012 22:55

Maybe it was too wet or stage fright

al285528 1

Wednesday 1 February 2012 23:21

The proper expression is "buck naked" not butt naked, and certainly not buff naked!

iammestaman 0

Wednesday 1 February 2012 23:53

Buff-naked? Isn't it "butt-naked?"

jw0168 6

Wednesday 1 February 2012 23:56

He was 20 years old, and he was defiantly butt-naked not buff-naked. My bad guys!

DJDude_Arazely 10

Tuesday 6 March 2012 9:02

20 years, huh? Damn! That's creepy. Get out of there.

brittygrittty63 0

Thursday 2 February 2012 0:54

You're an idiot wth is buff-naked

InUrArea 4

Thursday 2 February 2012 1:01

Be nice poor guy is under a lit of pressure

marilyn2012 0

Thursday 2 February 2012 1:11

That is pathetic sign of inmaturity..

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Keywords

Awkward Friends Love Cute Miscellaneous Haircut Relatable Cars You're fired Work Kids Parenting Family DIY Cats Am I overreacting? Intimacy Sex Management Poopoo peepee Capitalism Coworkers Frustration Animals ADHD Dogs Transportation Dating Health Anxiety

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I agree, your life sucks 1 852

You deserved it 130

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I agree, your life sucks 869

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I agree, your life sucks 597

You deserved it 191