Love, Kids, Pranks and Parents: Protective

Protective

By Anonymous - 26/12/2012 18:30 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, while at the store with my mom and baby brother, a guy started to talk to me. Just as he went to give me his number, my mom handed me my brother and said, "Here's your son, your AA meeting's in an hour, let's go." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 924

You deserved it 5 408

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Same thing different taste

By sierraisfucked - 02/06/2009 07:55 - United States

Today, I was in Walmart with my mom. I was looking for some CDs I wanted and saw a cute guy. Then he nodded at me and as he started to walk towards me, I hear my name being called over the intercom. Apparently, according to my mom, it was time to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 493

You deserved it 4 199

By MC - 15/08/2011 02:51 - Canada

Today, I was so drunk that I gave my mom's number instead of mine to the really cute guy I met at the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 521

You deserved it 39 612

What the…?

By Anonymous - 05/02/2024 05:00

Today, my dad showed up at my house and offered to take me to my favorite restaurant. He drove me to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. He believes I only had my daughter, who I love with all my heart, because I drunkenly hooked up with a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 554

You deserved it 123

By Anonymous - 28/10/2011 04:17 - United States

Today, I talked to my mom about hanging out with her. She got out her phone to schedule an appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 523

You deserved it 2 988

By blah - 21/07/2011 14:10 - United States

Today, my mom took me to an AA meeting because she said I needed help. I have never tried alcohol in my life, and told them this. I was then harangued by the "instructor" because apparently one of the signs of alcoholism is denial. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 703

You deserved it 3 066

Denial

By Anonymous - 04/03/2014 04:12 - United States - Woodland

Today, my mom left the house in the morning, leaving me alone. I called and I got no answer. Hours later, she finally answers one of my calls and tells me that she'd been in an AA meeting all this time. Happy, I tell her to come home. She came home drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 170

You deserved it 3 217

By Anonymous - 18/09/2010 14:41 - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting picked up by my dad after I had been swimming. I saw his car, so I walked over to it, got in and started talking about how I'd seen my brother. It wasn't until after I had put my seat belt on that I realized I was talking to a complete stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 425

You deserved it 29 400

By geeb - 23/02/2010 18:33 - United States

Today, I had to confess to my mother that I was too hungover to take her to her AA meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 593

You deserved it 36 513

By KayKay - 23/09/2016 06:33 - United States - Ware

Today, my brother called me up. He said he needed to talk to me. Whenever someone says that, I naturally I get nervous. He said, "I gave one of my friends your number." I was shocked and asked why. "Your life makes me sad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 403

You deserved it 1 377

By Anonymous - 23/11/2016 16:58

Today, I bumped into my English teacher at an AA meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 477

You deserved it 1 029

redhedsaysrawr 18

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:10

Troll mom is winning

Harpy20 24

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:10

Twat swat level: EXPERT.

Comments

seandoc 13

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:08

What a way to introduce your family!

rallets 22

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:30

what a twat swatter

redhedsaysrawr 18

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:10

Troll mom is winning

youknowimright 5

Thursday 27 December 2012 6:05

Hey might as well teach em while theyre young to lie and fabricate stories to avoid potential unpleasantries. def winning at mothering...

Harpy20 24

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:10

Twat swat level: EXPERT.

NYC_Yoshi 3

Thursday 27 December 2012 5:35

Definitely Asian level.

dalink 24

Thursday 27 December 2012 9:10

I love this comment. And your profile pic. Ahh rainbow road... How I hated you in Mario kart.

bombshellbabee01 9

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:10

In a way You got **** blocked by your mom

iloveandy143 7

Thursday 27 December 2012 2:04

No shit.

AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml 12

Thursday 27 December 2012 3:16

Technically, she got beaver dammed.

daliagrande 17

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:10

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

MrSassypants 32

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:22

I know, right? She's even taking OP to her AA meeting. What a wonderful woman.......

PenguinBitch 43

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:46

I agree with 5. Motherly instincts y'all know.

sux4u121 10

Thursday 27 December 2012 8:16

Oh yes, protecting her from those evil grocery fiends.

IllestRated 17

Thursday 27 December 2012 17:36

No that's just mom being a hater.

rocker_chick105 31

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:10

Your mom > my mom

RZB 11

Thursday 27 December 2012 2:14

OP's mom > everyone's mom

youknowimright 5

Thursday 27 December 2012 6:07

She certainly does seem like a good influence...

onorexveritas 23

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:10

she loves you

sens3sfailing 24

Thursday 27 December 2012 10:18

Jesus was a man.

n3rd43v3r 10

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:11

That's when you wink, lick your lips, and walk away

MsConfusedd 27

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:13

Your mom is awesome.

beehardxcore 26

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:13

Troll level: Overprotective Mom. Lol what a dick move.

TellMeWhatsDeath 14

Thursday 27 December 2012 1:07

not overprotective.. just a troll.

Mister_Triangle 21

Thursday 27 December 2012 13:48

No, that's not what trolling means; and it's definitely because she thought she was helping (thus overprotective)

Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Sleep Work Love Dating Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Fight Public freakouts Drugs Neighbours Cops Medication Relatable Animals Dogs Teenagers Ironic Video games Gamers Zoom

The Top

Today, I woke up from a night of serious depression, drinking by myself at home, to find a USB stick wrapped in plastic up my vagina, with "Top secret" written on it. There was nothing on the stick when I checked. I may need to give tequila a rest and switch back to gin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 1 830

Today, my brother showed my wife a Craigslist ad by someone seeking casual sex. It had very specific details that made it seem like I wrote it. My brother later admitted in private that he made the post as revenge for me not loaning him $500 last month. Meanwhile, my wife still thinks I'm unfaithful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 647

You deserved it 1 159

The Top

Today, I decided to lay out topless in my fenced-in backyard. For about an hour, everything was going great until I sneezed and my creepy, middle-aged neighbor said "bless you". From my bushes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 183

You deserved it 17 632

Today, my sister stopped by to visit me with her pet bird in tow. She asked me to hold the animal while she went to the toilet, and put it on my shoulder. It promptly shat on my only clean shirt and tore away a good deal of skin from my hand when I tried to get it off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 363

You deserved it 2 575

Today, my girlfriend saw my room for the first time and started yelling at me, calling me racist, white trash for having a Confederate flag hanging on my wall. It's a British flag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 937

You deserved it 2 442

Today, my therapist told me to write down my secrets in an envelope and symbolically burn them. My secrets included stories of my rampant sex life, drug use, a suicide attempt, and the overpowering hatred I have for my family. I've managed to misplace the envelope somewhere back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 506

You deserved it 22 415

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, whom I'm madly in love with, by having a plane fly over her house spelling "Marry me Abby?" After seeing it, she locked herself in her room and cried for hours, exclaiming that this wasn't how she wanted to be proposed to. I'd invited my entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105 138

You deserved it 11 751

Today, I had an anxiety attack because I thought I'd lost my anxiety medication. It ended up being on the shelf right where I left it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 189

You deserved it 10 369

Protective

Same thing different taste

What the…?

Denial

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