Intimacy: Run faster

Run faster

By Noname - 15/03/2009 19:32 - United States

Today, I went for a jog in my neighborhood. While I was running I passed my girlfriend's parents who were out for a walk. Trying to make a good impression, I stopped to talk. When I got home I realized I was wearing a shirt that friends gave me as a joke. It said "Blow me, bitch. It's my b-day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 171

You deserved it 79 280

Carnival of Disasters
Dive into carnival, where hilarious costumes meet unexpected mishaps. Laughter is guaranteed, mask or no mask! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By helloitsbrian6969 - 24/05/2009 19:50 - United States

Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 005

You deserved it 158 333

By Mazzam - 19/11/2008 11:33 - France

Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd bought for me. I said, joking, "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 284

You deserved it 18 569

By Anonymous - 16/01/2013 05:52 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was walking out of my girlfriend's house with her when I saw her thong drying on the rack. I picked it up, sniffed it and put it on my face as a joke. She replied with, "Those are my mother's." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 544

You deserved it 53 653

By Lolrus - 28/03/2009 16:50 - Qatar

Today, I was jogging through my neighborhood and then I notice this cute guy running beside me, we stoped and flirted for a while and my mom drove past. She then rolled down the window and said "Honey, you owe me for the dry cleaning on your period pants." FML

I agree, your life sucks 103 198

You deserved it 5 769

By Rizma - 27/11/2014 15:12 - France - Grâces

Today, I went off for a jog. Outside, I saw my really cute neighbour, so in an effort to appear fit, I accelerated and kept my head up. As I got close, I smiled at him, just as a huge fly flew right up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 992

You deserved it 4 573

By jane smith - 01/07/2010 12:11 - Australia

Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise him after work by wearing nothing but a smile on his bed. As I heard someone come in, I had a huge smile on my face. Turns out it was his dad and all his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 597

You deserved it 18 057

By johnboy - 09/11/2010 17:08 - United States

Today, I went for a run. When I got home, no one was there so I took off my clothes and laid on the cool wood floor. I decided to call my girlfriend and we started talking in baby voices. That's when my mom walked into the house witnessing everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 835

You deserved it 37 149

By babysitter - 06/01/2011 05:57 - United States

Today, I was on a walk when I ran into the woman whose kids I babysit. We had a quick chat, and I noticed she had just blown her driveway clean. As I left, I said "You did a nice blow job!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 707

You deserved it 14 354

The show must go on

By gabess - 04/01/2009 01:59 - France

Today, to amuse my girlfriend, I put on her sexy nightshirt and went out on the balcony for a smoke, all while shaking my booty about in front of her window. She laughed, until one of her neighbors shouted, "HELLO!" from the upper floor, grinning at the show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 956

You deserved it 10 622

Breaking news

By Anonymous - 23/11/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I was feeling motivated to improve my unhealthy miserable life and went for a jog. Halfway through, I tripped on my own shoelace and scared a couple walking their dog. According to my wife, it's already been gossiped about in our neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 122

FlightNav 0

Monday 16 March 2009 2:19

Wearing that shirt in public is just *asking* for a FML to happen. That's a total "you deserve that one", dude. Nice.

amirn86 0

Monday 16 March 2009 2:18

Oh man... that's why I could never get myself to actually wear shirts like that, out of fear for situations like that happening to me

Comments

annis_fml 0

Monday 16 March 2009 3:31

That's why you don't actually wear those types of shirt OUT. You never know who you'll run into. Wear it inside the house.

shorgenfunkel 0

Monday 16 March 2009 3:33

#19: Even if one doesn't hear "misogynistic" commonly, it's easy enough to derive the meaning from roots ("mis-", "gyn-") and context. OP: "I agree, your life is ******." You didn't know that you'd see your girlfriend's parents during the jog, so this little "blunder" is understandable. However, that shirt just isn't really that funny, it's just meh.

greatnt249 0

Monday 16 March 2009 3:35

#19, I'm assuming that if you really didn't know the meaning of a word, you could look it up in about 5 seconds on dictionary.com. After all, if you're reading FMLs, you're obviously on the Internet already. You're about the only person I know who gets offended that someone gave them the benefit of the doubt for being smart. My point is exactly how #20 stated it; give people the benefit of the doubt instead of patronizing them.

trimclay 0

Monday 16 March 2009 3:39

who goes for a jog in a shirt like that?

kellster 2

Monday 16 March 2009 3:51

Who actually wears a stupid shirt like that?? You asked for that one!

ohdamn_fml 2

Monday 16 March 2009 4:07

Hahaha I love shirts like that

route95 0

Monday 16 March 2009 4:14

youre an asshole just for wearing that shirt in public.

locasocha 0

Monday 16 March 2009 4:20

why would you ever wear a shirt like that in public? first graders can read too, you know

soonerfan 0

Monday 16 March 2009 4:22

damn man that sucks. Though the first time I met my gf's parents I was wearing a shirt that said Beware of My Weiner... it had a weiner dog on it though, and no one can get mad with a dog on a shirt. Hope you didn't lose her over it