Alcohol, Drunk and Miscellaneous: Sounds neat - FML

Sounds neat

By danii - 05/10/2011 03:28 - Reserved

Today, I drove to the liquor store completely naked except for my dressing gown, with a carload of idiot stoners who ran in and stole vodka, tequila and whiskey. We drank in a bush. Last week I was a good citizen, and now I'm white trash. I'm not quite sure what happened in between. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 120

You deserved it 65 065

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

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Same thing different taste

Party hard

By jagerbombs - 30/12/2009 19:08 - United States

Today, I woke up at a stranger's house after a long night of drinking. Before leaving, I decided to steal some mouthwash so I didn't smell like a liquor store. Thinking of the night before, I instinctively downed the Listerine like a shot and puked everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 027

You deserved it 46 458

By nekkiddrunk - 14/01/2010 02:04 - United States

Today, I locked myself, drunk and naked, out of my hotel room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 897

You deserved it 40 595

WTH happened?

By Anonymous - 05/10/2009 05:11 - Canada

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking in my backyard. All I was wearing were my boxers and one sock. I staggered up to see my car halfway through my garage wall, with a note saying, "Sorry dude". FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 374

You deserved it 42 548

By meeeoow - 22/01/2011 10:05 - Australia

Today, my drunken father decided to walk my quiet street naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 667

You deserved it 2 777

By Anonymous - 10/04/2011 06:05 - United States

Today, a stoned man tried to break into my house. Naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 303

You deserved it 4 524

Check this out

By Anonymous - 30/09/2018 12:00

Today, I had to run to put the trash out for the garbage truck, only I was so hungover, I forgot I was only wearing an open dressing gown and no underwear. A few neighbours and passing cars got to see me swinging in the breeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 341

You deserved it 2 729

Party hard

By Jason the flasher - 15/09/2018 22:00

Today, I went to a party that my friends were throwing. I had a great time and got blackout drunk. I woke up to videos from my girlfriend from last night. At some point I'd managed to take off my shorts and boxers and spent the rest of the party naked from the waist down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 399

You deserved it 3 264

Get back here!

By Anonymous - 12/02/2010 07:51 - Canada

Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me!" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 160

You deserved it 2 767

By Anonymous - 02/01/2015 22:14 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 111

You deserved it 10 269

By Anonymous - 18/05/2009 06:45 - Canada

Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 994

You deserved it 24 005

Next

Top comments

razzberry 9

Wednesday 5 October 2011 8:38

I mean.....honestly you have control here.

RakaI 8

Wednesday 5 October 2011 8:38

You allowed it to yourself.

Comments

mandalineh 0

Wednesday 23 November 2011 4:35

This sounds like a party to me. And life is a party. PFL!!!

hellojazzii 0

Friday 23 December 2011 11:12

and you expect sympathy?

minzzy 8

Friday 30 December 2011 5:39

The op could have been a guy you know...

ReptarTheStar 6

Wednesday 28 March 2012 5:11

Meth ***** you up like that

ProctorKProducti 5

Monday 14 April 2014 22:08

Sounds like a fun time

yeaismokepot 7

Friday 11 December 2015 7:09

sounds like something my mom would do

RedWolf16 21

Wednesday 21 November 2018 17:19

A series of bad decisions, I say. All made within a short period of time.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my husband ran in to get something, shouted that he “had to go, I’ll call you later, bye” then ran out. At no point did he notice the wrapped present, his favourite meal and beer, and me naked on the living room carpet waiting to celebrate his birthday. I still don’t know where he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 69

Today, I'm in the same city as my boyfriend for the first time in two months. My body apparently did not like the idea of me having sex again, as I promptly got a UTI and then the week-long breakthrough bleeding that antibiotics often cause me. The same thing happened the week before he had to move, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 373

You deserved it 184

The Top

Today, at work as an EMT, I was telling a panicked patient that I would be taking her vital signs. I inadvertently said that I would be taking her vital organs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 614

You deserved it 4 345

Today, I heard the four most dreaded words known to man during my first time: "Is it in yet?" It was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 377

You deserved it 10 518

Today, after a stressful week, I spent my last few dollars on some comfort food. Later, my roommate's girlfriend came over and helped herself to my juice, drinking it straight from the bottle. I'm such a germaphobe, I can't bring myself to even take a sip. It's a full bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 252

You deserved it 15 214

Today, I lost an art contest to some talentless arsepipe whose piece was literally just a broken heart crudely drawn in her own blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 290

You deserved it 1 988

Today, my upstairs neighbor woke me with her sex moans, reminding me how single I'll be on Valentine's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 739

You deserved it 2 333

Today, I went to see a psychiatrist for my depression and low self esteem. While in the waiting room, I overheard a guy telling his friend how ugly I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 594

You deserved it 4 052