Intimacy: Taste test - FML

Taste test

By Anonymous - 25/01/2014 12:28 - United States - Berkeley

Spicy

Today, my husband decided to put different condiments on my body to make our sex better. I was thinking whipped cream; he was feeling ketchup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 643

You deserved it 6 606

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Same thing different taste

By Firepussy911 - 14/06/2018 06:22

Spicy

Today, my husband decided to literally spice things up. He put a "small amount" of hot-sauce in our lubricant without telling me. He thought 1,000,000 Scoville units would make me cum. The only one who came was the paramedic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 913

You deserved it 518

Kinky

By Anonymous - 11/08/2022 22:00

Spicy

Today, my husband asked if we could try food play during sex. I okayed it, thinking it would be the standard squirty cream or chocolate sauce. Let’s just say I was not expecting him to be eating crispy bacon and blue cheese sauce off my boobs. Good Lord, I married a weirdo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 206

You deserved it 532

By fuck no - 22/08/2015 10:18 - India - Kollam

Spicy

Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 244

You deserved it 8 029

By milked - 27/02/2015 05:28 - United States

Spicy

Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 424

You deserved it 6 869

The language of love

By disgusted - 24/09/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 928

You deserved it 6 528

Desperate

By yourmainman - 28/01/2013 05:03 - Canada

Spicy

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 937

You deserved it 15 971

Milky milky

By Anonymous - 05/02/2022 21:59

Spicy

Today, it's been one week since spicing things up with mine and my husband's sex life by involving whipped cream. We can now smell of out of date diary, no matter what soap products we use showering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 789

Dirty talk

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 06:57 - United States

Spicy

Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 306

You deserved it 4 750

By WasntWorthIt - 30/07/2014 17:04 - United States - Concord

Spicy

Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 743

You deserved it 5 875

By SG - 24/03/2012 12:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was fooling around with my husband on the bed. I was excited as he lifted my arms up in a seductive way, only to roll deodorant under my armpits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 427

You deserved it 37 463

Next

Top comments

ChristianH39 30

Saturday 25 January 2014 16:23

Did he call you his little French fry?

Welshite 39

Saturday 25 January 2014 16:23

Don't forget the mustard!

Comments

TopHatNinja68 6

Saturday 25 January 2014 19:03

Keep an eye on him he mite be killing and I rapping ppl and u might be next

sickerthanyou 13

Saturday 25 January 2014 19:16

At least he isnt mexican and drench you in chili.

dachayke 16

Sunday 26 January 2014 0:58

Or salsa.

howdoilogin 9

Saturday 25 January 2014 19:23

'Scuse me miss, you talkin' smack about ketchup?

iammeorami 25

Saturday 25 January 2014 19:25

Are you jake the garden snake's wife

JBrownie123 24

Saturday 25 January 2014 19:33

Jakesnake3400??

phillysportsfan 13

Saturday 25 January 2014 19:41

Lol. That brings new meaning to, "Looking at a woman like she's a piece of meat."

Saige_xo 9

Saturday 25 January 2014 19:45

Just Why...

catcherman11 1

Sunday 26 January 2014 17:07

hey :)

buttcramp 21

Saturday 25 January 2014 20:02

hey at least he's trying something new! plus, the purpose of using food items in bed is the licking and he's still doing that. it should be up to the licker what they're licking..

MrMoofinMan 19

Saturday 25 January 2014 20:08

Wait.. don't you put the ketchup on the hotdog and not the buns?

hgore95 3

Saturday 25 January 2014 20:34

Beats vinegar

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Love Christmas Break-ups Miscellaneous Poopoo peepee Gross Ironic Argument Friends Awkward Cute Haircut Relatable You're fired Work Cars Covid Health Jealousy Cheating Kids Parenting Family DIY Cats Roommate Sex Intimacy Am I overreacting? Management

The Top

Today, I tried reaching out to a brand on Instagram, telling them I'm a rising influencer and would love a free sample of some of their products to review. They replied back with a laughing emoji and "You have 44 followers. Eat shit." Then they posted it on their story, with my name listed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 1 475

Today, I wrote a submission to FML and I realized that I could be doing so much more with my life than this. I mean really, I have real life stuff to deal with, and I don't have the time to be reading these s*itposts, much less making my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 524

The Top

Today, I went into a job interview for Quizno's. The boss there talked to me for an hour and half about everything on God's green earth. She noticed I was a certified swim instructor. I left Quizno's with no job, but with an appointment to teach the boss how to swim tomorrow at 9 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 875

You deserved it 188

Today, my housemate yelled at me because I'm "ignoring" her and it makes her feel "rejected and hated." Last week, she yelled at me for saying hello, and told me not to speak to her unless she spoke to me first, because she was "stressed out" and "can't be disturbed." I can't take her mood swings any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 240

You deserved it 119

Today, I yelled at my boyfriend for smoking in the house, because I didn't want the house to smell like smoke. While doing so, I knocked over a candle and lit the couch on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 548

You deserved it 14 911

Today, I came back from the doctor after having been diagnosed with a UTI. My dad now won't shut up about it, saying stuff like, "You must be 'pissed'", "Looks like 'urine' a bit of pain", and "'Urea'-lly need some antibiotics, son", all while making obnoxious finger quotes in the air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 216

You deserved it 5 113

Today, I decided to start jogging and exercising, so I had a wonderful workout before work. Then I broke my foot at work. Goodbye exercising. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 146

You deserved it 2 527

Today, it was my first day at my new job as a receptionist at a small doctor's office. When the doctor's wife called and asked if he'd stepped out, I blanked the word "Doctor" and instead replaced it with, "Medicine man." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 094

You deserved it 2 932