Injury, Ironic and Health: Thin skinned

Knives of any substance are made for only a few purposes the main one being to cut things. And well you are a thing therefore the knife will cut you. I know you now understand quantum physics. (;

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The Top

Today, after being yelled at by our boss because the office computer server has yet another virus, my co-worker and I did a bit of investigating. Apparently, the viruses aren't coming from client emails as we previously assumed. It seems that the problem is really our boss's porn addiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 349

You deserved it 2 588

Today, my mother confused the terms 'necromancy' and 'necrophilia'. We had a great talk about why you shouldn't have sex with dead people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 238

You deserved it 2 753

The Top

Today, while showering at my boyfriend's house early this morning, I saw a huge black spider on the wall. I'm allergic to spiders, so in my disorientation I ran out of the shower screaming, slipped, sprained my wrist, and bruised my tailbone. Turns out the spider was a clump of hair. My hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 919

You deserved it 44 884

Today, I ran into my ex at the mall. He’s married, with a 2 year-old. Three years ago he ended our 6-year relationship because he said he didn’t believe in marriage and kids. Sorry for not being good enough to achieve those things with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 226

Today, I finally convinced my son to use the potty. Later, he saw a show on TV about a toilet monster. Now he's too scared to even step foot into the bathroom. Here's to another few months of diaper changes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 961

You deserved it 4 506

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 759

You deserved it 5 998

Today, I was the designated driver for my friend's 21st birthday. On the way home from the bar, he threw up all the pasta and tequila he'd had onto the back seat of my car, and told me it was part of his whole party plan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 457

You deserved it 4 086

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 205

You deserved it 5 877