Love, Sex and Intimacy: Time's up

Time's up

By blueballed - 29/11/2014 21:08 - Germany - Kiel

Today, after a huge fight, my girlfriend started coming onto me. I thought it was actual make-up sex and went along with it. It was great, until she suddenly shoved me off her just as I was almost ready to come. She smugly announced she was dumping me, got dressed, then left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 895

You deserved it 8 269

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Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 16:59 - Germany - Dortmund

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 730

You deserved it 10 556

By Bigfatfailure - 28/03/2013 10:02 - United States - Garden Grove

Today, I got dumped during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 514

You deserved it 9 856

The best part of breaking up…

By Anonymous - 19/10/2009 23:51 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours, hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming, "I meant it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 045

You deserved it 8 843

By whysheheartless - 03/11/2009 07:24 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. By making out with her new boyfriend in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 894

You deserved it 3 067

Life imitating art, or…?

By Bik - 27/06/2023 22:00

Today, some filthy creep grabbed my girlfriend's ass in front of me. I smashed his face in, as would be expected. Afterwards, we had wild sex, then she cried, told me how frightened my "unprovoked violent response" made her, and kicked me out. I'm now in a seedy motel, wondering what the hell happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 069

You deserved it 411

Who the **** are you?

By fuckingtrollingskankwhoreshitwankcuntfuck - 13/07/2013 17:33 - United States - Enfield

Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend, when a girl came out of nowhere, screaming at me for cheating on her, and saying she was dumping me. I've never seen her before, and she was almost grinning during her little act, but my girlfriend believed it, and I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 386

You deserved it 4 159

By misunderstood - 05/09/2010 10:56 - Australia

Today, after having a fight with my boyfriend, we had what I thought to be the best make-up sex, because he seemed so happy and upbeat. Turns out he misunderstood. He was happy because he thought it was break-up sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 652

You deserved it 6 377

By thanksbabe - 12/01/2013 06:32 - United States

Today, after a week of intense fighting, my girlfriend of 4 years and I hung out. She told me she loved me, and I pointed out that last week she said she was going to dump me. Without missing a beat, she replied, "Only to scare you into submission." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 102

You deserved it 8 575

By Anonymous - 01/11/2014 18:23 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my girlfriend came over to my place unannounced. She slapped me in the face, said, "You son of a bitch." and stormed off. I have no idea what that was for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 857

You deserved it 5 521

Not cool

By no I've never asked for anal - 20/09/2015 13:44 - United States - Buffalo

Today, after weeks of my girlfriend constantly mentioning pegging and asking me to let her do it, I caved and figured I might as well stand by my "try anything once" rule. Her response? Saying she knew I was gay all along and dumping me. The fuck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 096

You deserved it 3 793

Aew 17

Sunday 30 November 2014 8:24

That's a cold, calculating ex girlfriend. She has excellent brakes as well.

Googolman 29

Sunday 30 November 2014 8:26

Well, you have to admire her impeccable timing.

Comments

Fpsradioactive 8

Wednesday 3 December 2014 7:32

welp. time to get the hand powder, you know to smack a bitch

MaddieDtragedies 8

Thursday 4 December 2014 9:36

sucks to be you

mrmcleod 29

Saturday 6 December 2014 0:10

Should've finished yourself off while she dressed herself then tossed it on her.

djsammyc 19

Sunday 14 December 2014 15:08

im not sure if I admire her or am afraid of her

badgercheese94 16

Friday 9 January 2015 20:36

She's a bitch. You can do better.

PurpleKicks 22

Friday 16 January 2015 20:41

Hahaha you got blue balled, harsh!

Chevyguy_s10 10

Monday 2 February 2015 6:47

Dude blue balls ******* sucks. had it before and damn.. Sorry man

StickyPickles 33

Sunday 8 February 2015 21:57

Damn that's got to be one of the coldest things I've ever heard

snarkytruth 37

Saturday 7 March 2015 3:41

total cold manipulator. your better off without her.

BtwYoureAdopted 21

Saturday 11 April 2015 10:31

… can't knock her commitment

Keywords

Love Cheating Work Money Relatable My ex Jealousy Accident Health Medication ADHD Snow Weather Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts

The Top

Today, I had to quickly back out of a Skype call between me and three coworkers because my fiancée came home from work in tears. When things had calmed down, I re-entered the call to find them unaware I had returned, saying how glad they were I had left because they all secretly despise me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 878

You deserved it 2 095

Today, after about a year of keeping it a secret from my girlfriend, I told her about my foot fetish. She said "EWWWWWWWW!" and left. She's ignoring my calls and has changed her relationship status to single on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 573

You deserved it 6 604

The Top

Today, my pregnant wife's parents called me at work, saying she'd been crying inconsolably and wouldn't say what was wrong. After pleading with my boss, I rushed home. Turns out there was an "ugly" sofa in a TV ad and she felt it was "picking on ugly sofas". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 484

You deserved it 4 641

Today, my country announced that there will be 10 hours of power cuts starting from tomorrow. This basically means that if I want to begin my day at 8:00 am, it will only really get started at 6:00 pm, once the sun is down and the birds are done chirping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 97

Today, my father sent me a letter in the mail. He spelled my first name wrong on the front of the envelope. I'm turning 28 years old and my own father doesn't know that my name has two "t"s in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 857

You deserved it 3 534

Today, I got a letter in the mail telling me to report for jury duty. The day that I have to show up is the day of my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 298

You deserved it 2 809

Today, I was chased out of my own house by my wife's lover's dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 922

You deserved it 3 366

Today, I was kicked out of class for having a coughing fit. Yesterday, I was kicked out of class for sleeping, a side effect of my cough suppressant. Three absents from this class and I automatically fail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 146

You deserved it 3 827