Intimacy: TMI!! - FML

TMI!!

By mystupidson - 31/08/2011 03:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I visited my son at work. He's an interpreter for the government. As I watched him converse with a group of men, I was overcome with pride. Then the woman next to me said, "I can't believe they're talking about that in public." They were discussing masturbation techniques. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 842

You deserved it 3 969

November 11: Memories and smiles
Historical anecdotes with a light touch to commemorate with a respectful smile. More…

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Same thing different taste

Next, on The Jerry Springer Show…

By DearLord - 03/04/2020 23:00 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my boss that masturbating in public is inappropriate. This isn't the first time this has taken place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 063

You deserved it 178

Make it stop

By firstandlastjob - 13/06/2020 14:11

Spicy

Today, at work I had to listen to a group of old men talk about double penetration. I work at a coffee shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 862

You deserved it 213

Quite the misunderstanding

By Janer88 - 30/11/2009 05:51 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was working at a restaurant when my manager approached me and informed me that there was people having sex in the women's washroom, and he needed me to go in and ask them to cut it out. So I did. Five minutes later, a woman walks out with her disabled son and asks to talk to my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 656

You deserved it 3 243

Rubbing one out on the sly

By Anonymous - 05/08/2015 17:56 - United States - Camarillo

Spicy

Today, I went over to talk to my boss. I must have snuck up on her because she was masturbating through her pants. She stopped and I had to chat away, pretending I didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 540

You deserved it 2 450

By oh my son - 23/12/2012 06:02 - Canada - Toronto

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my son and his friend comparing their penis sizes. They're 6. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 756

You deserved it 5 780

Toxic much?

By tlm84 - 28/07/2014 02:54 - United States - Fitchburg

Today, while out shopping, I could hear what sounded like two grown men talking about me, and they were being pretty gross. I turned around to scold them and it turned out being a dad and his 13-year-old son. He said he was, "teaching a son to be a man", and that my ass was "grounds for discussion." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 645

You deserved it 5 064

By SadDad - 06/03/2009 01:51 - United States

Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 316

You deserved it 4 358

Meat beating

By Anonymous - 07/05/2024 09:00 - New Zealand

Today, I attended a family gathering where everyone was taking turns sharing exciting life updates. When it was my turn, I proudly announced that I'd finally mastered the art of adulting... only for my dad to pipe up with, "Makes a change from when you used to wank like a gibbon thinking we couldn't hear you up there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 215

Who are you?

By Anonymous - 06/05/2023 00:00

Spicy

Today, my husband gave our son the sex talk. Maybe it’s because we never talk openly about it, but my husband is into some racy shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 960

By Gothicbunnyx3 - 21/02/2012 01:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to tell my 7 year old-son it's not polite to jack off in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 714

You deserved it 5 692

Next

Top comments

Battledog5006 0

Wednesday 31 August 2011 8:43

so thats where my tax dollars are going

OcampoFTW 4

Wednesday 31 August 2011 8:42

Sounds like the average bro talk

Comments

NBS93 0

Thursday 1 September 2011 18:33

That's called diplomacy.

NBS93 0

Thursday 1 September 2011 18:33

That's called diplomacy.

rubberducky5609 3

Thursday 1 September 2011 18:35

WTF. I never knew the government talked about masturbation?

annisalove21 5

Sunday 4 September 2011 17:11

THIS CAN'T BE MORE AWESOME

whitey317 0

Monday 5 September 2011 4:54

I hear the Iraqis have good technique

Bekavera 4

Monday 5 September 2011 5:38

yes, I can see why you are sooo proud...lol

XCraig 0

Monday 5 September 2011 8:24

You should be proud! Private parts are all the rage in today's governments!

Kain713 14

Sunday 11 September 2011 16:33

What language was it?

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Today, I caught my ex trying to slash my car tires with a knife. She actually had the balls to claim she was testing my tire pressure, before power-walking off into the distance like nothing had happened. FML

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Today, I was getting ready to go pick up a few things for much-needed projects around the house, when I heard my husband yelling from the basement. The lawnmower had kicked a rock through the expensive sliding glass door we just finished paying off. The rattling refrigerator may have to wait. FML

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Today, I slipped at work while putting out a "wet floor" sign to make sure the customers didn't slip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 048

You deserved it 6 565

Today, my friends dared me to answer the door naked for the pizza guy. I heard the doorbell but when I answered, it was the little boy from next door participating in a fundraiser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 723

You deserved it 40 595

Today, I was entertaining people during an extra curricular school function in order to help "brighten people's spirits in their time of need." After it was all over, I found out that my phone had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 740

You deserved it 3 101

Today, I got an eviction notice. I confronted my roommate, who’s supposed to be covering rent with the half I give her. She said, “Uhhh, about that.. I got Lady Gaga orchestra seat tickets, do you mind covering rent for a while and I’ll pay you back?” She makes three times my income and I can’t afford rent by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 366

You deserved it 140