Love: To boldly go where no man has gone before

To boldly go where no man has gone before

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Boston

Today, my new boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. He started whispering in my ear, but I couldn't understand him. He pushed me away and ignored me the rest of the night. Apparently it's a huge turn-off that I can't talk dirty in Klingon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 238

You deserved it 6 047

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 20/11/2013 03:42 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I learned that no matter how much of a nerd a girl claims to be, she is not ready for you to speak Klingon during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 792

You deserved it 71 864

Excuuuuuuse me?

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 13:32 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 521

You deserved it 11 517

By Anonymous - 19/04/2013 05:14 - Canada - Clairmont

Today, my boyfriend and I attempted sexting for the first time. After about twenty minutes of Star Wars references, I gave up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 918

You deserved it 10 269

Beam me up!

By saynotochrispine - 28/07/2009 04:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that we could try living out one of his fantasies. When I showed up ready to go, he began playing the theme song to Star Trek and asked me to call him Mr. Spock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 318

You deserved it 7 964

By disney_dick - 08/01/2018 00:00 - United States - Mims

Today, my boyfriend asked me to try humming during a blow job. He seemed to like it at first, but apparently, "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan wasn't a good choice. He still isn't speaking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 980

You deserved it 2 043

Gift of the gab

By Nicole - 13/12/2014 15:20 - United States

Today, I finally told my boyfriend that he's not very good at dirty talk. He does it every time we have sex and it always turns me off. He started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 351

You deserved it 7 292

By SwAGkiLlS - 15/07/2012 15:12 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 959

You deserved it 5 077

Oh yeah?

By alexis89 - 26/05/2009 16:53 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 550

You deserved it 20 201

WAURGH

By Anonymous - 03/11/2009 02:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 3 months and I finally had sex. He sounds like Chewbacca when he comes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 929

You deserved it 4 267

Acting is hard work

By S. Dub - 10/04/2020 05:00

Today, my boyfriend told me that I needed to moan louder so that he knew I was enjoying it. Reluctantly, I put a little 'umph' into my moans during the next round. He pulled out and said, "It's just awkward now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 963

You deserved it 310

isabelf 17

Thursday 28 August 2014 19:29

your boyfriend sounds like he has some very odd fetishes...

nhormuss 17

Thursday 28 August 2014 19:29

He's a keeper

Comments

buckdharma 37

Thursday 28 August 2014 19:50

No, no, not Klingon, Klingoff.

ohSNAPyall 26

Thursday 28 August 2014 19:52

He may know the language, but he apparently doesn't know the culture. The Klingon man should recite love poetry. If he doesn't even understand how Klingons behave, he doesn't need to act self-righteous about this.

thundermoo 16

Thursday 28 August 2014 19:59

At least he knew enough about human girls not to bite her face...

martin8337 35

Thursday 28 August 2014 19:54

#25 Klingons are a science fiction alien species so is the languages that was created by humans/earthlings.

ohSNAPyall 26

Thursday 28 August 2014 20:00

OK. All human languages were created by earthlings.

martin8337 35

Thursday 28 August 2014 21:07

#33, Klingons are fictional characters.

martin8337 35

Thursday 28 August 2014 21:24

Then why not learn Spanish, French, German , Italian or Japanese? At least they are real languages spoken by real people.

diosadelmasaje 8

Thursday 28 August 2014 19:54

Sounds like maybe you all aren't ready to make that step. Communication is super important the first time. Is it possible it was the first "I Love You" and since it went so terribly wrong he blamed it on a klingon fetish??? maybe that is less mortifying than a premature accident? Good luck OP.