Intimacy: Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my...

By je_regrette_tout - 09/03/2013 18:50 - France - Livry-gargan

Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 213

You deserved it 66 255

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Horny bonk

By debodave - 22/07/2009 20:06 - Germany

Today, I phoned one of the IT guys upstairs for help with my PC. He said it would only take a few minutes; and would just fix it through a direct connection from his computer to mine. Hours later, I was feeling horny, and quickly checked out an adult website. Mr IT Guy was still connected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 198

You deserved it 69 202

That escalated badly

By Anonymous - 19/03/2020 09:03

Today, a blowjob from my fiancée turned into exchanged oral, which turned into mutual masturbation while watching porn, which then turned into me being kicked out of the room because it was "weird" with me watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 347

You deserved it 403

Now watching

By Anonymous - 14/01/2011 23:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home, turned on my laptop, and turned the TV on mute so I could check my email. My mom came home an hour later, took a look at me on the couch, then the TV, and asked what on earth I was watching. I looked up from my laptop and realized it was porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 785

You deserved it 32 356

How? Why? What?

By Anonymous - 19/09/2022 16:30

Today, in a holiday cottage, I was a little horny so I decided to watch some porn. An hour later, the owner barged in, screaming that I was not to use her internet for such things, that I’m a "loose slut" and that I'm "going to hell". The bitch must somehow have been illegally spying on my internet usage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 690

You deserved it 299

Listen up

By Ryan - 01/09/2022 21:00 - Canada - Quesnel

Today, after getting off the phone with a client, I got horny so I put on some porn and cranked one out. After I'd finished, I realized I hadn't ended the call and neither had my client. They heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 2 030

Heat of the moment

By English_Nut117 - 30/10/2013 19:17 - Canada - Georgetown

Today, my boyfriend came onto me in a romantic gesture. We ended up having sex, forgetting that the window repair guy was supposed to come today and do some work on our third floor apartment windows. I still don't know how much he saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 687

You deserved it 15 215

By Anonymous - 10/07/2015 18:19 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was having computer problems, so I let my friend have remote access to fix them. We were video-chatting on Skype at the time, and so he thought it'd be hilarious to load hardcore porn in my browser the moment he saw my mom enter the room from behind me. I'm now grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 539

You deserved it 3 421

Tracking

By busted - 05/08/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I told my mum that the reason I hadn't contacted her for 3 days was that my internet was broken, when in reality I'd gone off for a dirty weekend with the guy I'm having sex with. I forgot my older sister worked for my internet provider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 771

You deserved it 2 678

By best_friend - 25/07/2011 06:43 - United States

Today, I went to my friend's house because his family was having a move away party for him. Everything was going good until his dad decided to give a toast. Including an anecdote about how he walked in on us watching porn together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 570

You deserved it 9 974

By 0h_Boy - 20/04/2016 20:03 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my wife and I were Skyping, when she decided to put on a "show" for me. Seconds before she was about to climax, we lost internet connection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 907

You deserved it 2 546

Cbizzlez 10

Sunday 10 March 2013 2:27

"Hey can I get a glass of water" "Sure, can I get you anything else?" (**** music starts to play)

SixthSinEnvy 39

Sunday 10 March 2013 2:25

Couldn't pay the bill, huh?

Comments

DRush_fml 12

Monday 11 March 2013 4:35

**** logic is now making sence in the real world?!?? I think that might ACTUALLY be a sign of the apocalypse...

stallingsjason 6

Monday 11 March 2013 4:51

Who do I have to hump to get a dry martini, I meant water around here

gavo 8

Monday 11 March 2013 9:04

haha thats awesome! now thats service!

simonepedretti 7

Monday 11 March 2013 9:41

What the ****..

Sionnach 10

Monday 11 March 2013 11:31

Hooking up and whining about it... yeah, your life really sucks.

Merylwen 24

Monday 11 March 2013 13:54

Yes. Being a ***** kind of sucks.

Coldinside 12

Monday 11 March 2013 14:27

Why is this an FML? Is the OP married or dating someone, and they feel guilty about cheating?

Duceswild99 19

Monday 11 March 2013 14:33

This man is our hero! We must know his methods!?!

mikex31 4

Monday 11 March 2013 15:12

How long has it been since u had sex? Or u just like to move quick into things

icepick23 12

Monday 11 March 2013 15:30

You are awesome!!!!

iamthunder 4

Monday 11 March 2013 18:39

Maybe your just easy :|

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my laptop was slow so I used my husband’s laptop. I went to the bedroom and found it opened, so I moved the trackpad and it powered on. The first thing I see is a page with redhead porn, and another tab with nude redheads. You know who else is a redhead? The new girl at his job he tells me not to worry about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 132

Today, I got a call from a lady who said my husband died in a car accident in Miami. My husband is supposed to be at a business trip in North Carolina, so I told her it must be a mistake. Turns out it was all true. He lied about a business trip and went to Miami with his lover, who was the woman who had called me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 767

You deserved it 57

The Top

Today, my friend bought a smartphone and updated his Facebook status with it. Two weeks ago he signed an apartment lease with another friend. Four months ago he bought a new handgun. Seven months ago he bought a new TV. He's owed me $300 for a year and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 445

You deserved it 8 728

Today, I was talking to one of my supervisors at my new job. He asked if I knew a professor at the school I recently graduated from, and I decided to babble on about how shitty of a professor he was and how much I loathed his class. He then looked at me and said, "That's my dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 519

You deserved it 22 647

Today, I took a shower and right after I fell asleep on my bed wrapped in my towel. I awoke to find my dad slapping me in the face. He thought I had fainted because I'm a diabetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 655

You deserved it 5 549

Today, on my metro ride home, I sat next to a woman who thought it was appropriate to continually scratch at her scalp and then eat her 'scalp pickings'. When I looked over at her hair, I could see scabs clumped together from her previous scratching sessions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 101

You deserved it 3 261

Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 073

You deserved it 1 156

Today, the handle in the port-a-potty broke off, with me inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 099

You deserved it 2 849