Intimacy, Sex and Parents: Tracking

Tracking

By busted - 05/08/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I told my mum that the reason I hadn't contacted her for 3 days was that my internet was broken, when in reality I'd gone off for a dirty weekend with the guy I'm having sex with. I forgot my older sister worked for my internet provider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 771

You deserved it 2 678

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 02/08/2009 11:33 - Australia

Today, I woke up and called my boyfriend. We had amazing phone sex, even better because no one was home and we didn't have to be quiet. Afterwards, I walk out into the kitchen. My mum hadn't gone to work that morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 008

You deserved it 57 586

By Anonymous - 11/04/2018 06:00

Today, I secretly turned off the internet to see what my kids would do. Barely 10 minutes later, I caught my oldest son masturbating to a photo of my sister in a bikini because, as he put it, "A man has needs and the internet's fucked." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 708

You deserved it 2 183

By hornyloser - 02/05/2011 18:46 - United States

Today, I had some hot phone sex with my long-distance girlfriend. Half-way through, my mom stormed in, and told me I was disgusting and sick for doing it in the same room as my brother. I forgot about the baby monitor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 890

You deserved it 70 397

Where are you?

By Anonymous - 14/04/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, it's been three weeks since my parents went on holiday and not only have they not called me, they don’t answer when I call them… until today, when my mom finally called me, whilst I was having sex. She then sent me a text outlining how rude it was I ignored her call and grounded me. I’m 24 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 127

Family secrets

By Anonymous - 22/09/2024 06:00 - United States - Marysville

Today, my sister accused me of hacking into her phone because I helped her connect to a WiFi network a while ago, and she'd completely forgotten about it. I only found that out when my mom accidentally leaked it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 59

By Anonymous - 26/06/2015 18:08 - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, my mom kicked my dad out of the house and told him not to come home again. Why? I started watching some porn on my computer, forgetting I was still connected to the bluetooth speakers in the living room. My mom thought it was my dad, and I didn't have the balls to admit the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 347

You deserved it 41 592

By Loho - 25/03/2009 02:46 - Canada

Today, I was using my dad's cell because I had broken mine. I was texting my boyfriend all day when my dad needed his phone back. I forgot to tell my boyfriend that my dad would be using the phone. My boyfriend then texted graphically what he wanted to do to my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 894

You deserved it 105 003

When the cat's away…

By F*ckyouRoss - 06/03/2021 20:30 - Brazil - Sao Paulo

Today, I went back home after a break with my live-in boyfriend. I had to spend some time at my distant father's place in another city until we talked it over, and he asked me to come back. I guess he should have mentioned he'd had sex with someone else before I came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 169

You deserved it 287

By Anonymous - 01/01/2009 03:49 - France

Today, I went onto my computer and found a cyber sex conversation between my sister and my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 177

You deserved it 3 154

Play along

By Anonymous - 15/09/2009 04:44 - United States

Today, while talking online with my boyfriend, the conversation turned sexual. He stopped responding but I continued with the conversation. Then I got a response, "This is his sister. He fell asleep and I need the computer. I'll tell him you said goodnight, but not that other stuff." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 997

You deserved it 8 094

Seeya55 31

Monday 5 August 2019 13:21

Just say your router or modem went out or was on the fritz and you didn't bother fixing it. Easy peasy.

MidnaLink 33

Monday 5 August 2019 17:06

And? She can manage three days without hearing your voice… oh wait, apparently she can’t. She needs to lighten up.

Comments

Seeya55 31

Monday 5 August 2019 13:21

Just say your router or modem went out or was on the fritz and you didn't bother fixing it. Easy peasy.

Giovanni Adamo 16

Tuesday 6 August 2019 1:49

isp can see your connections sooo

Seeya55 31

Tuesday 6 August 2019 18:40

Alright lets be pedantic, OP could have ALSO just thought "Hey, Internets out!" and not given a shit. ISP's also don't take blame if your router/modem are different and your modem/router isn't theirs and isn't working properly. OP could say her power kept going in and out. OP could say the surge protector she used died and she had to buy a new one. Take a pick! :)

mackdeezy 22

Monday 5 August 2019 14:46

I used to work ISP support. Idk what it's like across the pond, but here, it's illegal and could get you terminated. I hope thats the same for you OP, because while I wouldnt want your sister fired, I wouldnt want her snopping either.

ViviMage 38

Monday 5 August 2019 16:42

I work for the cable company too! Sch'uuuurrrre it went out. Need me to write a note to all your friends and family vouching for the outage? I've gotten that request before!

MidnaLink 33

Monday 5 August 2019 17:06

And? She can manage three days without hearing your voice… oh wait, apparently she can’t. She needs to lighten up.

hereforfmls 17

Monday 5 August 2019 18:22

next time just say you took some time for yourself

BurnInDemonFire 34

Monday 5 August 2019 19:29

Mom: "Why haven't I heard from you in 3 days?" OP: "Uh, my internet went down?" Sister: "No it didn't. You forget, I work for your internet provider." OP: "Damn... alright, fine... I had the weekend off so I could do dirty things with my **** buddy..." Mom and Sister: "You didn't need to share that much!" Mom: "But I do hope you remembered to use condoms." OP: "Uh, my internet went down?"

TrashlifeKaylala 12

Monday 5 August 2019 21:50

Why do you need to contact your mother? Even if theyre like my parents who have to text or call me everyday in fear im dead, i tell them “no i didnt respond to you because im an adult and i didnt want to”

Sinshine 28

Tuesday 6 August 2019 0:39

It's 3 days and apparently you're an adult who doesn't live with the parents anymore so why do you need to provide an explanation? "I had other things to do. Now stop being so needy, mom."

TomeDr 24

Tuesday 6 August 2019 0:49

Never lie to momma! You could have said you left for some “me” time.

alycion 38

Tuesday 6 August 2019 9:49

If not contacting them for that long is not typical, why not just tell them you’ll be busy for a few days with a project and will hit them up later. Or something similar.