Animals: Today, a wild squirrel managed to get into my house. I can't... - FML

By Anonymous - 28/02/2010 11:16 - Canada

Today, a wild squirrel managed to get into my house. I can't see him… but I can hear him in the walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 150

You deserved it 2 613

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Same thing different taste

It's alive!

By notmyrealname123 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I found my cat downstairs with a squirrel dangling from his mouth. When I saw this, I yelled at my cat to put it down. He did. Turns out the squirrel was still alive and run. I had to spend the next three hours chasing it out of my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 015

You deserved it 6 573

By susiedoggles - 05/11/2018 08:00 - United States - Milford

Today, getting home after a long day of work, my boyfriend came running out of the house. Being silly, I thought he was excited to see me. Nope - he was excited to show me the squirrel he shot. In the house. Apparently, we have house squirrels and a boatload of holes in the floor and couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 023

You deserved it 312

Crowded house

By upset - 25/10/2016 00:08

Today I opened the door for my cat and he brought in a rat with him. Now the rat is hiding in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 263

You deserved it 915

By RaccoonFever - 10/01/2014 11:15 - United States - La Jolla

Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 323

You deserved it 5 782

By Anonymous - 05/05/2014 21:03 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, a bird got into the walls of my house through a hole. I located where it was by following the chirping and scratching sounds, and drilled a hole to get it out. I pulled out the drill, only to find the drill bit bloody. Suddenly, no more chirps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 206

You deserved it 18 361

Ratatouille

By Anonymous - 16/10/2020 08:02

Today, after my house almost got broken into last week, when I heard some noises in the kitchen I went to investigate. I saw a huge rat run across my floor, and nearly peed myself thinking it was an intruder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 005

You deserved it 173

By rattness - 07/12/2010 19:12 - United States

Today, I found out the animal that was gnawing behind the kitchen wall all night was indeed a wild rat and his entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 982

You deserved it 2 874

The sound of silence

By hearing too much - 03/11/2019 02:00

Today, the walls in my house are so thin that I heard my roommate yell from the bathroom upstairs, "Hear my butthole roar." Now I’m scared to use the bathroom after him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 783

You deserved it 228

By ghoul - 08/03/2011 11:32

Today, I found a dead squirrel under my son's bed. Apparently, he has been keeping it there as a "pet" for the past week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 853

You deserved it 4 242

By Sarah1330 - 25/02/2015 04:33 - United States

Today, while trying to sleep, I heard what sounded like someone breaking into my house. I ran downstairs, only to find my cat had ripped down my blinds and was tangled up in them, thrashing around the floor like a fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 410

You deserved it 3 347

Next

Top comments

JackDark 0

Sunday 28 February 2010 16:05

He comes in the night, and he brings nuts...

pandorasnymph 0

Sunday 28 February 2010 16:03

scary

Comments

bassguitar19 1

Monday 1 March 2010 5:22

IN the walls?!? Wow, sneaky squirrel

tayajayne 0

Monday 1 March 2010 5:53

this is one of the funniest ones!

jamiebuczko 0

Monday 1 March 2010 5:54

lmfao. pull out the sludge hammer :D

grungecat 0

Monday 1 March 2010 6:18

Why can't this happen to me, or anyone else who would appreciate a squirrel's company?

mikeyj5 0

Monday 1 March 2010 6:24

that's scary

ktcox 0

Monday 1 March 2010 6:32

hahaha this happened to me too. you could hear the little guy everywhere. he eventually poked one of his feet through the wall!!! and my mom taped the hole with scotch tape haha!

doof_fisch 2

Monday 1 March 2010 6:52

Seriously - this can be a dangerous situation. Squirrels will chew on wires, etc., and can cause a fire-risk to your house. We had squirrels get into the attic and we bought some fox urine at Gander Mountain (any sports/hunting store will sell it) and sprayed it in the attic and put some on rags and put them in the attic. We gave it a day or two to make sure they were out of the attic before we sealed up the holes.

redbeater 5

Monday 1 March 2010 7:05

invest in a pellet gun. get that little ****** in the head.

nickiloo22 0

Monday 1 March 2010 7:08

I feel your pain! except this happened to me but with a raccoon (sp?) and he was running around in the roof...

gingersnapper 0

Monday 1 March 2010 7:08

Catch it with a coat and smack it with a hammer!

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The Top

Today, I invited a guy I'd met online once to a concert of an artist we both like. His response was, “Well, it depends. Do you weigh less than when I first met you?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 122

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I agree, your life sucks 23 808

You deserved it 2 563

The Top

Today, I asked my boyfriend where he went to lunch. He said he went to Wendy's. I teased him and asked if he got tired of eating burgers and Frosty's all the time. His response? "What? No, I mean at Wendy's. You know, the hot girl from work?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 257

You deserved it 6 581

Today, I was having a chat with a customer. He asked if I was married, to which I replied, "No." Before I could say anything else, he said, "Thought so. You look too happy to be married." I was about to mention that I just got engaged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 386

You deserved it 3 679

Today, I found out that the “stranger” I’ve been confessing my kinky, dark, and disgusting fantasies to online is a friend from high school, who figured out it was me by the third sentence. Now I'm praying she has a heart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 1 405

Today, my girlfriend told me the reason why my credit card mysteriously maxed out 2 months ago 'might have been' because she posted a picture of it on Facebook. I ordered a new credit card without the custom picture of us immediately. She broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 526

You deserved it 6 136

Today, in a holiday cottage, I was a little horny so I decided to watch some porn. An hour later, the owner barged in, screaming that I was not to use her internet for such things, that I’m a "loose slut" and that I'm "going to hell". The bitch must somehow have been illegally spying on my internet usage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 718

You deserved it 303

Today, my girlfriend accidentally put rubbish in the neighbour's bin. Then the old lady took all the rubbish out and threw it on the floor. I came out and tried to calm the situation, but then my girlfriend ran downstairs and tipped her cat food and cat milk bowls over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 171