Intimacy: Today, after 5 years of no intimate, sexual contact with a woman,...

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By brokedick - 12/12/2011 06:23 - United States

Today, after 5 years of no intimate, sexual contact with a woman, I finally got my chance. Unfortunately, I also discovered that I have full-on erectile dysfunction. I'm 23 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 403

You deserved it 4 093

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Same thing different taste

By mavrick127 - 29/09/2016 14:21 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I finally had the chance to have sex with my crush. Too bad I couldn't get an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 242

You deserved it 1 789

Nutty

By Anonymous - 30/11/2020 20:01 - Canada - Toronto

Today, i discovered I can only get an erection in the presence of a real woman. My days of busting nuts alone are over. Except I don't have a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 284

Bad sex

By Anonymous - 24/06/2022 22:00

Today, I had sex for the first time in two years. With a man I love, who is handsome, very nicely equipped, and quite good at it. I was in pain the entire time. It took me 3 tries to realize there is something physically wrong with me, and once I get it fixed, he'll be gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 679

You deserved it 234

Bye bye

By Anonymous - 15/11/2023 10:00

Today, after years of impotence, I woke up with a raging boner. I was so happy until I remembered my wife divorced me last year because of my impotence. This depressed me so much that I couldn’t muster the enthusiasm to masturbate, and the boner went bye bye, never to return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 624

You deserved it 149

Turntables

By Bill Mantie - 18/04/2021 02:00

Today, after months of successfully taking strides to boost my long diminished libido, I found out my girlfriend, who always had a healthy sex drive, has now lost hers. Oh, how the tables have turned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 144

You deserved it 153

Frustrated girl

By Anonymous - 30/06/2025 22:00 - United Arab Emirates - Al Ain City

Today, as a 26 year-old woman, I had my first orgasm. I gave it to myself. None of my long-term relationships even came close. For almost 26 years I thought I would never have one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 206

You deserved it 104

A tale as old as time

By flopsy - 03/12/2010 16:19 - Australia

Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 438

You deserved it 11 371

Helping hand

By Anonymous - 30/06/2020 02:02

Today, its been so long since I've been single, I’ve reached the age where I need Viagra just to masturbate since there’s no woman in my life to save the pills for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 566

You deserved it 306

Horny housewives in your area

By Anonymous - 28/11/2022 02:00 - Belgium

Today, it's been 5 years since I started a relationship with a man who'd hidden he was impotent and I was too deep into the relationship to break it off. I accepted the sex without penetration. but since then his libido has dropped too, we have no sex, and he won't see a therapist. I'm looking up gigolos, but I can't bring myself to do it. I'm 42. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 363

You deserved it 476

By Nightshade823 - 10/11/2016 19:12 - United States

Today, I finally lost my virginity. I also found out the side effects of my antidepressants: It's hard for me to get it up, and I can't orgasm. When I finally got it up, I went so long, it ended with her saying, "Yeah, you should stop now, I'm numb." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 358

You deserved it 1 125

cutiepie343 7

Monday 12 December 2011 11:51

Love the OP's username!! Lolz

EwanSmith 2

Monday 12 December 2011 11:53

at least you made the effort. keep it up. oh wait a minute...

Comments

cynide 13

Monday 12 December 2011 12:09

You haven't gotten action since you were 18? -_- don't worry, your just a little... Rusty

baconstrips 12

Monday 12 December 2011 16:23

You know you spelt cyanide wrong in your name right?

saIty 17

Monday 12 December 2011 12:10

You just got to motivate the little guy to come out and play. Yelling at him or calling him small is never the right answer.

DjeePee 24

Monday 12 December 2011 12:13

If you really have an erectile dysfunction and it wasn't just because you're nervous, then your life definitely sucks. The only thing that I know that can help you, is viagra. And I've heard that you have to take it one hour beforehand, so say bye to spontaneous sex. But I'm not a doctor, so I should definitely see one if I was you.

thrAsHeRr9081 16

Monday 12 December 2011 12:29

Levitra is only $9.00 a pill at Wal-Mart.

BadKitty13 28

Monday 12 December 2011 12:30

Sounds like my X boyfriend. Good luck with that .....

flockz 19

Monday 12 December 2011 21:17

erectile disfunction or unarousal from moderately average looking girlfriend?

wisericky 12

Monday 12 December 2011 12:38

I just picture op punching his crouch and mumbling "work damn it!"

tabarnak_fml 7

Monday 12 December 2011 14:04

LMFAO :D

harmonicsoul 3

Monday 12 December 2011 16:09

27 - That wouldn't happen to be an "Arrested Development" reference, would it? Op - It was probably just nerves, given the significance of the situation since you haven't been able to do anything like that in years. Don't create a self fulfilling prophecy by self-diagnosing after one go. :)

Blacksabbath211 9

Monday 12 December 2011 12:38

I find it hard to believe this guy has not jacked off once in 5 years o.O

xxjordan715xx 17

Monday 12 December 2011 13:03

Exactly what I was thinking

IndigoAcrylic 9

Monday 12 December 2011 17:44

Maybe he is scared of getting hairy palms o.O xD xD

fuzzie 0

Monday 12 December 2011 12:39

For the record, Mcdonald's puts stuff in their food so you cant get it up, it is impossible, they do it in my town, trust me, might check fast-food joints in your's? If you ate fast-food that day.