Intimacy: Today, after 5 years of no intimate, sexual contact with a woman,...

By brokedick - 12/12/2011 06:23 - United States

Today, after 5 years of no intimate, sexual contact with a woman, I finally got my chance. Unfortunately, I also discovered that I have full-on erectile dysfunction. I'm 23 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 389

You deserved it 4 089

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Same thing different taste

By mavrick127 - 29/09/2016 14:21 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I finally had the chance to have sex with my crush. Too bad I couldn't get an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 226

You deserved it 1 787

Nutty

By Anonymous - 30/11/2020 20:01 - Canada - Toronto

Today, i discovered I can only get an erection in the presence of a real woman. My days of busting nuts alone are over. Except I don't have a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 844

You deserved it 277

Bad sex

By Anonymous - 24/06/2022 22:00

Today, I had sex for the first time in two years. With a man I love, who is handsome, very nicely equipped, and quite good at it. I was in pain the entire time. It took me 3 tries to realize there is something physically wrong with me, and once I get it fixed, he'll be gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 661

You deserved it 223

Bye bye

By Anonymous - 15/11/2023 10:00

Today, after years of impotence, I woke up with a raging boner. I was so happy until I remembered my wife divorced me last year because of my impotence. This depressed me so much that I couldn’t muster the enthusiasm to masturbate, and the boner went bye bye, never to return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 134

Turntables

By Bill Mantie - 18/04/2021 02:00

Today, after months of successfully taking strides to boost my long diminished libido, I found out my girlfriend, who always had a healthy sex drive, has now lost hers. Oh, how the tables have turned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 119

You deserved it 145

A tale as old as time

By flopsy - 03/12/2010 16:19 - Australia

Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 418

You deserved it 11 364

Helping hand

By Anonymous - 30/06/2020 02:02

Today, its been so long since I've been single, I’ve reached the age where I need Viagra just to masturbate since there’s no woman in my life to save the pills for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 552

You deserved it 301

Horny housewives in your area

By Anonymous - 28/11/2022 02:00 - Belgium

Today, it's been 5 years since I started a relationship with a man who'd hidden he was impotent and I was too deep into the relationship to break it off. I accepted the sex without penetration. but since then his libido has dropped too, we have no sex, and he won't see a therapist. I'm looking up gigolos, but I can't bring myself to do it. I'm 42. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 344

You deserved it 467

By Nightshade823 - 10/11/2016 19:12 - United States

Today, I finally lost my virginity. I also found out the side effects of my antidepressants: It's hard for me to get it up, and I can't orgasm. When I finally got it up, I went so long, it ended with her saying, "Yeah, you should stop now, I'm numb." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 345

You deserved it 1 113

What a feeling!

By numbcrumb - 18/09/2017 23:15

Today, I discovered I have a condition that causes loss of feeling in my clitoris during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 941

You deserved it 305

cutiepie343 7

Monday 12 December 2011 11:51

Love the OP's username!! Lolz

EwanSmith 2

Monday 12 December 2011 11:53

at least you made the effort. keep it up. oh wait a minute...

Comments

kkilgore720 0

Monday 12 December 2011 22:15

Well if you don't use it you lose it

hpetey64 0

Monday 12 December 2011 22:31

Just with a woman? So you have with a man...?

geodaniel 5

Monday 12 December 2011 22:47

How come after 5 years? 23 - 5= 17. Were you getting some at 17 and none since?

RelaxingPlace 11

Monday 12 December 2011 22:51

23-5=18 Dumbass

GuyWhoLikesBTR 0

Monday 12 December 2011 23:12

It's time to talk to your doctor about Viagra.

Pyromass 0

Monday 12 December 2011 23:13

So in those years u never masterbated or saw ur own boner but it is treatable fyl

parney7 1

Monday 12 December 2011 23:37

Use it or lose it

edoohan619 10

Monday 12 December 2011 23:37

133- 23-5=18 learn basic maths

Lysergic 0

Monday 12 December 2011 23:42

What #10 said. Been in a similar situation before. Spend more time on foreplay, probably just needs a bit of coaxing is all

writergirl23 19

Monday 12 December 2011 23:43

You live in new zealand by any chance?? We have it really bad here. Something to do with eating too much dairy

Ur1Temptazian 0

Monday 12 December 2011 23:44

That's performance anxiety not erectile dysfunction...you're too young to have ED...

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Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 900

You deserved it 11 993

Today, I called out "for personal reasons" from work because I had to study for a major test that's taking place tomorrow. An hour later, my manager called to fire me for "not taking work seriously." I then got an email telling me that the test was being postponed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 488

You deserved it 4 092

The Top

Today, my girlfriend said she’s been wanting to have sex lately. We haven’t done it in so long, I've lost track. We still haven’t done it. Part of me wants to fuck someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 211

You deserved it 544

Today, I bought a kitten. I've wanted a cat for years and decided to finally buy one now that I have my own apartment. It turns out I'm allergic to cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 890

You deserved it 10 080

Today, my ADHD has gotten so bad that I called my son by my brother’s name, bumped heads with my 2 year-old, and just now went to sit back down on the couch next to husband and accidentally elbowed him in the eye so badly that he went to sleep because he was so angry with me. Praying he doesn’t have a black eye tomorrow.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 1 025

Today, while my boyfriend was in the kitchen, he got three text messages, all of which were from "Babe 2", "Babe 3", and "Babe 4". FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 439

You deserved it 7 318

Today, one of my debate opponents used the "Bill O'Reilly defense" against my arguments. This involved saying "You can't explain that" about easily explainable stuff, and speaking louder and louder to drown out my voice. He ended up getting a better grade than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 155

You deserved it 3 436

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around. I was sitting up on my bed when he reached down near my privates and said, "Wow babe, did you shave today? It's so soft…" He was actually touching my bottom roll above my vagina, which delightfully formed a crease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 034

You deserved it 22 061

Same thing different taste

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