Should have started chewing on her fingers... Or gnawed on her arm. Get out your Heinz 57, steak knife and fork, then ask her, "Where would you like me to start?"

The general career rule is: if you haven't seen some kind of promotion or raise in 2 years, you probably need a new job. That seems to apply here.

Ask her if you can get that in writing

What the actual ****?

"I asked for a raise, not your job." Or. "I asked for a raise, not your mothers job."

and that's when you say "no thanks, you don't look very appetizing"

I think she meant that you asking for a raise is as ridiculous as her asking you to eat a dick bahahahaha funny

I'd ask her again and get it recorded (whatever smart ass comment she gives you this time) then report her and/or threaten that if you don't get a raise you'll sue for harassment

You should be getting some kind of raise every year to 18 months, even if it's just a cost of living adjustment. You should have considered staring back until she showed you the dick and the associated raise. That's the only way to make an informed decision.

actually if your staying in the same field you don't really want to burn any bridges competitors often buy each other out and you could end up working for the asshole again and this time an around your former department manager is now ceo...