Kids: Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two... - FML

By DocBastard - 17/12/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 422

You deserved it 6 543

DocBastard tells us more.

DocBastard 38

Monday 19 December 2011 22:53

Akai, the only people who say that are people who don't have kids. My 2 children are the most precious things in my world, and I've smiled more since my daughter was born than in all my previous years combined. I truly feel sorry for people who think like you.

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Top comments

every1luvsboners 11

Saturday 17 December 2011 6:29

You do seem to be in quite a jam. I would definitely call a toe-truck. Holy Shat it's Doc!!!

talldude4u 3

Saturday 17 December 2011 6:29

Remember those parrots that repeat what you say, small children are very much like them.

Comments

Honda288 2

Sunday 18 December 2011 5:53

Well that sucks, but it made an awesome FML at least.

MedChew 19

Sunday 18 December 2011 6:10

No big deal man, apparently I even learned to use "**** this" (in my own dialect) in the right context at the tender age of 17 months old (one of my toys was stuck in some crevice apparently. She probably won't remember it if you don't reinforce this new thing

sandySF 0

Sunday 18 December 2011 7:16

It happens, no worries :)

nvo 6

Sunday 18 December 2011 7:49

I feel your pain, OP. May i recommend the perfect picture book to lighten the mood: Go the F**k to Sleep by Adam Mansbach, Ricardo Cortés. There's also a stone cold video of Samuel L.Jackson reading the book. Much needed comic relief for new parents :)

jdengel 0

Sunday 18 December 2011 8:06

really? you can't control your outbursts? I know it hurts, but your a big boy now

NAAMxLOOS 11

Sunday 18 December 2011 11:14

You managed to break your toe by stubbing it? That's... that's amazing, OP. What an incredible accomplishment.

jd70 1

Sunday 18 December 2011 11:43

its okay my first word was crackhead

luckySLevin 0

Sunday 18 December 2011 11:52

hey at least its not please dnt rape me. i said that next my friends daughter and she repeated it for four days in a row.

hurrican_fml 0

Monday 19 December 2011 2:15

Some pretty solid parenting there dad

jmm23 0

Monday 19 December 2011 4:51

I hear a shart coming my way

DocBastard 38

Monday 19 December 2011 5:08

You do? Because I swore in front of my kid? Wow. You don't know what a relationship is, do you?

Rainbow_dumpster 28

Monday 19 December 2011 18:10

180 must be a virgin, Doc. He knows nothing about love.

6
7
8
9
10
11

Keywords

Miscellaneous Family DIY Cats Management Poopoo peepee Work Awkward Relatable Coworkers Frustration Am I overreacting? Capitalism Animals ADHD Dogs Transportation Love Dating Health Anxiety Technology Mental health Sleep Roommate Clumsy Noise AITA Confused Parents

The Top

Today, I told my boyfriend of nearly a year that I finally told my mother about him, and that she wants us to fly out so he can meet her. He said “OK” with a blank expression. I went to work, and when I got home, he and all his stuff were gone. He left a note on the fridge, saying, “Sorry, I can’t do this anymore. All the best.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 589

You deserved it 131

Today, my kitchen sink was clogged. I poured a bottle of Drano down and came back two hours later. The clog is still there, but the glue on the pipe is not and now there is Drano-water all over the floor, staining and dissolving everything in my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 856

You deserved it 7 517

The Top

Today, I was riding a bus. After having a conversation with my friend, I looked down and saw a little boy looking at me. He asked, "Are you a boy or a girl?" As if that wasn't bad enough, when I responded that I was a girl, he said, "Oh. So, why do you have a boy voice then?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 295

You deserved it 3 068

Today, I let my little sister play a game using my Facebook account. She then accepted all of the people that had sent me a friend request. Among them included my boyfriend's crazy ex, and 3 people I've never met. Now I'm getting strange messages from all of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 272

You deserved it 5 039

Today, I woke up with a sore throat and a stuffy nose. As my boss is an asshat who hates allowing sick leave, I thought I could power through it, but halfway through my workday I sneezed so hard that I threw my back out. I had to go home early and now I can't move without pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 145

Today, after enduring chemo, radiation treatments and several surgeries in order to beat cancer, being immunocompromised and catching Covid, I haven’t been able to work for years. Despite all that, I still get told I’m lazy and need to "just go get a job" when I try to get social security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 459

You deserved it 96

Today, my friend and I were having a conversation in the ladies’ room. Suddenly, we hear banging from one of the stalls and, “Can you talk somewhere else? Some of us are trying to poop.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 921

Today, my girlfriend told me that she is pregnant. I asked how it could be possible, since she's on birth control. She said she didn't know her antibiotics would interfere with it. She's a pharmacist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 144

You deserved it 8 887