Intimacy: Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend,...

By anonymaiacciu - 22/12/2012 01:16 - France

Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 797

You deserved it 8 964

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Same thing different taste

Make your mind up!

By nextcontestant16 - 19/11/2012 15:12 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by waking him up with a blowjob, because he had always told me that it was a sexy fantasy of his. When he finally woke up, he got pissed off, rudely accused me of interrupting his beauty sleep, then soundly lay back down and fell asleep again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 575

You deserved it 5 117

By cockfist - 04/03/2014 22:41 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I spent my first night at my boyfriend's place, and my first night sleeping beside him. I woke up in the early hours to him holding me and muttering in his sleep something like "surprise fisting". I'm beyond terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 223

You deserved it 6 715

That was quick

By Anonymous - 09/09/2012 12:03 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 560

You deserved it 6 828

By Anonymous - 01/04/2011 04:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 731

You deserved it 36 357

The Great Pretender

By CJune24 - 22/10/2014 21:24 - United Kingdom - Huddersfield

Today, I tried to seduce my boyfriend so I mounted him and began kissing him. He immediately pretended to snore into my mouth and rolled over, making me fall off of the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 537

You deserved it 5 451

By Anonymous - 06/10/2011 15:23 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 880

You deserved it 11 307

By meow - 14/01/2010 04:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 768

You deserved it 4 494

By Moeswifey - 24/10/2010 17:11 - United States

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making breakfast. I thought he was making it for me, so I sat at the table. When he walked over with his plate, he said, "Oh, I didn't know you were here!" I'd slept in the same bed with him last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 432

You deserved it 4 558

By ohfantastic - 25/01/2009 02:47 - United States

Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 691

You deserved it 2 376

By Soline - 08/12/2008 12:05 - France

Today, I wanted to wake up my sweetheart with a surprise blowjob. He surprised me as well with a knee to the stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 233

You deserved it 9 042

hockeychicl003 6

Saturday 22 December 2012 5:20

maybe your mustache felt like whiskers

pandachic27 9

Saturday 22 December 2012 5:21

Wait so does that mean his cat gives him oral?

Comments

vinnieboJ 12

Saturday 22 December 2012 18:40

i wish my girlfriend woke me up like that... OP's boyfriend is lucky

athos1237 4

Saturday 22 December 2012 19:34

So your tongue feels like sand paper?

iamnotdaniel_ 1

Saturday 22 December 2012 20:12

LMFAO that's funny

ElTigre995 4

Saturday 22 December 2012 22:36

not a big deal sounds like.

qr_fml 21

Saturday 22 December 2012 22:39

Guess u give head like a cat?

myklknife 6

Sunday 23 December 2012 6:29

Ummm.... That's scary.

_wraith 15

Sunday 23 December 2012 7:13

Oh, I understand OP. I got smacked in the side of the head one time.

XRaYKaT 3

Sunday 23 December 2012 16:24

Just sprinkle some tuna on that shit and let his cat take over when you're jaw gets sore.

mike307 11

Sunday 23 December 2012 23:08

Can I just say your a way bad ass girlfriend!!!

ohitsdaniella 7

Sunday 23 December 2012 23:32

His cat gives him oral....?

Keywords

Love Surprise Cute Awkward My ex Texting Intimacy Sex Wanker Mental health Health Insomnia Sleep Food Cooking Kids Weekend Parents Pranks Annoying Miscellaneous Work Embarrassing Technology Coworkers Zoom Argument Roommate Pizza Animals

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You deserved it 85

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You deserved it 20 264

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I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 109

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I agree, your life sucks 23 305

You deserved it 56 523

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I agree, your life sucks 29 802

You deserved it 3 658

Today, like most days, my cat brought something to my doorstep. Usually it's a slew of dead mice, but this time he brought this big, ugly snake. I'm always the only one in my family "brave" enough to go fetch our cat's gifts. It took until lifting it up to realize the snake wasn't dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 946

You deserved it 3 076

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight. Doubting our relationship, I asked him seriously if he loved me. He looked thoughtful, gathered me in his arms and said, "If I say yes, will you be less pissed?" and then tried to stick his hand down my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 164

You deserved it 16 465

Same thing different taste

Make your mind up!

That was quick

The Great Pretender

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