Intimacy: Today, after waking up from a drunken night, I realized the burning...

By MIND BLOWING - 20/10/2012 13:57 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after waking up from a drunken night, I realized the burning sensation I had from the lube during sex was because I used hand sanitizer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 250

You deserved it 39 772

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By JJMan217 - 29/03/2011 06:28 - Canada

Today, I found out that using a certain hand sanitizer as masturbation lube will put you in the hospital and result in having to wear an adult diaper for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 325

You deserved it 76 954

By tingles - 19/01/2013 13:20 - United Kingdom - Solihull

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he reached out onto my dressing table to grab the lube. He missed, and found the hand sanitizer instead. I'm not sure who is in more pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 028

You deserved it 8 060

Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes

By Anonymous - 09/02/2017 15:00 - United States - Stevenson Ranch

Today, after pranking my roommate several times by putting lube in his hand sanitizer bottle, he got me back by putting sanitizer in my lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 777

You deserved it 12 064

Rash beard

By Rashbeard - 05/01/2020 01:00

Today, I was eating out with my partner, and we decided to use the new lube we bought. Things went great until I later realized I was allergic to it and a large red rash spread all across my mouth and chin. It won't go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 812

You deserved it 441

By Anonymous - 28/01/2019 12:00 - United States - Arcade

Today, I woke up with a horrible UTI after having sex with my fiance the night before. I went to an urgent care to get antibiotics as my primary is closed. Turns out, I'm allergic to condom lubricant. Now everytime I pee, It not only burns, but smells like a nasty condom... FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 503

You deserved it 216

By lice - 28/03/2009 13:34 - United States

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend I went into his shower to freshen up. Where I saw an open bottle of pubic lice shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125 425

You deserved it 14 000

By Anonymous - 09/06/2011 16:35 - United States

Today, I received roughly 50 paper cuts while I was at work. I didn't realize this until after I applied hand sanitizer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 320

You deserved it 6 049

Hot hot hot

By Anonymous - 03/06/2022 12:00

Today, I'm in hospital. During date night, after sex was over, I reached for my whiskey. I was already so drunk, I accidentally picked up the lit candle which was in a glass roughly the same size as my whiskey glass, and poured melted wax in my mouth, up my nose, and in my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 2 221

By Metime - 05/11/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, I ran out of my usual hand lotion that I use for 'me time'. I instead decided to try and us my after shave lotion as a replacement. Apparently, my member doesn't agree with one of the ingredients, and has now swollen to the size of my fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 677

You deserved it 33 481

By kentrm - 11/05/2016 02:12 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I was sitting down in the hallway at school. As I tried to get up, I lost my balance and fell against a hand sanitizer dispenser. It then continued to squirt sanitizer all over the back of my shirt, drenching the whole left side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 021

You deserved it 1 462

scrappy23 4

Saturday 20 October 2012 18:55

At least you have a germ free dick.

dijafe27 6

Saturday 20 October 2012 18:56

I thought you were gonna say you contracted herpes . So LUCKY you ! ^.^

Comments

hdl1992 3

Tuesday 23 October 2012 18:57

Think this actually might be a breath through in std protection?

jelli136699 1

Friday 2 November 2012 11:47

i cant even imagine how that chicks vag felt the next day if it was hand sanitizer

GiGi1990 2

Tuesday 11 December 2012 19:41

Omg i couldnt do nun but laugh... Sorry to hear about what happen to you

elizacandle 29

Tuesday 4 June 2013 1:29

that's one way to try and kill std's.

MsGirlyPlayer 5

Wednesday 10 July 2013 19:13

Wait...wasn't there a guy or girl who said the same thing? .0./

eabb19 8

Saturday 22 February 2014 22:26

I feel sorry for the girl

prettygirlrock25 2

Saturday 17 May 2014 12:03

I think the person you had sex with posted too.

cmo333 10

Monday 3 November 2014 5:42

You think you were in pain? Imagine how the girls vag felt...

LyricaSilvan 29

Tuesday 24 February 2015 15:52

Wooooow that sounds like it hurts like hell. Hopefully that'll help you remember to check the labels next time!

Keywords

Miscellaneous Family Cats DIY Awkward Management Poopoo peepee Work Am I overreacting? Capitalism Relatable Coworkers Frustration ADHD Dogs Animals Transportation Dating Love Health Anxiety Technology Mental health Sleep Noise Roommate Clumsy Confused AITA Parents

The Top

Today, I was been accused of stealing lunches from the fridge at work. I’m a huge germaphobe and would NEVER eat someone else’s food, but because I’m the fattest one in the office, everyone automatically blamed me. Hashtag fatgirlproblems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 131

Today, while my boyfriend and I were on a picnic date out in the country, things got a little heated. When we were switching positions, he screamed and started running around. Turns out neither of us noticed the beehive in the tree above us until his dick got stung. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 295

You deserved it 1 133

The Top

Today, my boyfriend's mother asked him when we were going to have kids. I already have a daughter from a previous marriage, and that pregnancy was traumatic, nearly ending in my death. Not to mention that due to depression and anxiety, I have put on an unhealthy amount of weight, making pregnancy higher risk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 780

You deserved it 168

Today, I was walking through my town when a man on a bicycle rolled up to me and said, "I don't mean this offensively but you're really well-built." I don't know whether he was commenting on my height or comparing me to a shed, but my mother won't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 487

You deserved it 3 264

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my family for the first time. My mother's immediate reaction was, "We didn't know you were gay!" No mom, she really is a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 42

Today, I was at Walmart walking around when I slipped on some water and twisted my ankle. As I was getting up, a man came up to me and said, "There's some water on the floor, watch out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 047

You deserved it 3 518

Today, I discovered that my supervisor has been submitting completed projects to our manager on time for everyone on the team but me. She has been deliberately making it appear as though I am weeks behind on my projects, when in reality I am one of the first ones done every month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 938

You deserved it 2 216

Today, my boyfriend was holding my hair back while I threw up. The smell then reached him and caused him to throw up in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 944

You deserved it 6 641

Same thing different taste

Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes

Rash beard

Hot hot hot

Top comments

Comments