Animals: Today, after working an 11 hour shift, I decided to treat myself...

By Heww - 28/09/2009 06:41 - United States

Today, after working an 11 hour shift, I decided to treat myself to a delicious Krispy Kreme doughnut. When I got home, I sat down, put my feet up, poured myself a cold glass of milk. My dog jumps on my lap and vomits all over my doughnuts, stares at me then bites the doughnut out of my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 374

You deserved it 5 376

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Same thing different taste

Bad boy

By Anonymous - 08/01/2016 21:57 - United States - Spring Valley

Today, I woke up early to bake cinnamon rolls for a party. I came home later to find the whole tray spilled onto the floor, most of the rolls eaten, and my dog sitting happily nearby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 815

You deserved it 4 652

By jessica - 02/02/2011 20:59 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 363

You deserved it 7 467

Bad boy

By Anonymous - 22/01/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I'd finally got home from a 15-hour shift at work and wanted to lay down and eat. I poured myself a bowl of cereal, went to my room, and sat it on my bed. My dog then jumped right on my bed and yanked the sheets off, causing the cereal to fly everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 238

By FawnPrincess - 17/11/2017 15:00

Today, my boyfriend bought my favorite doughnuts for our anniversary. After settling down and pouring a glass of wine, I grabbed a doughnut and quickly realized the filling inside wasn't jelly. He thought it would be funny to replace it with toothpaste. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 232

You deserved it 450

That escalated quickly

By lonelyharts86 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had an interview for my dream job. I was offered coffee and a donut. It was going well until I took a bite of the donut and started choking on it. I coughed so hard I ended up vomiting into his garbage can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 256

You deserved it 3 900

Yummy

By Sisi - 29/08/2016 16:49 - United States - Mesa

Today, my roommate left a bomb looking package of cookies on the kitchen counter. My sweet tooth got the best of me and I made that split second decision of, "Oh, I'll just have one." Halfway through it, I noticed the fine print, "For dogs" on the package. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 519

You deserved it 11 330

By killjoyx - 23/07/2015 18:28 - United States - Suffolk

Today, when I woke up, my dog excitedly came up to me and licked my face. A few minutes later, I find out he had thrown up twice before he licked my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 805

You deserved it 3 190

Rushed off my feet

By Anja - 05/07/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, I woke up late and grabbed what I thought was a granola bar on my way out. It wasn’t until I was halfway through eating it that I realized it was a dog treat. I had the godawful taste in my mouth all throughout the day, despite several cans of Pepsi and Mountain Dew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 498

Chillin' with Satan

By Anonymous - 06/12/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I sat down on my couch with a nice cool beer after a tough day at work. I tried opening a bag of chips. The bag exploded, covering me in chips and crumbs, turning me into a sticky human nacho. Well, my dog certainly saw me as a snack, and I had to shower and change clothes. So much for relaxing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 129

By Stoopiddogbot - 12/02/2013 13:18 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I came home to find the dog had learned how to open our stair-gate and kitchen door, devoured the entire fruitcake I'd made for a special occasion, and then vomited said fruitcake all over the fabric sofa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 522

You deserved it 4 387

iSmellNice 2

Monday 28 September 2009 16:12

I feel your pain. I love donuts.

Darsa 0

Monday 28 September 2009 16:18

At least you still had your milk :)

Comments

tothelimit 0

Monday 28 September 2009 17:29

Sounds like an Omen buddy.

blud 0

Monday 28 September 2009 17:30

Fake, you changed doughnut to doughnut

xxchilloutxx 0

Monday 28 September 2009 18:54

...eh? And the FML staff often change miss-spellings in FML posts

maximumoverdrive 0

Monday 28 September 2009 17:34

that's ******* hilarious. fyl indeed

coldplaylive2003 0

Monday 28 September 2009 17:47

fat ass

Calaura9 0

Monday 28 September 2009 17:52

They were poisioned! Your dog saved your life.

plexico 3

Monday 28 September 2009 17:57

Your dog is obviously well-trained to protect you from overrated, over-priced crap! He also saved your diet. Noticed how he destroyed the crap and left the wholesome milk? Good boy!

Intoxicunt 5

Monday 28 September 2009 20:18

plexi! "Over-priced crap"? You disappoint me. :(

plexico 3

Monday 28 September 2009 21:22

I'm sorry, Toxi, but Krispy Kreme came to Texas with a lot of big hype and expectation. They were very disappointing and it's not just me -- all of the stores in Houston closed. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and say that it depends on what kind of donut you grew up with, but we resoundingly rejected them here.

Intoxicunt 5

Monday 28 September 2009 22:08

Oh, ok. They are what I grew up with, so they're good to me. Especially raspberry jelly! You Texans living in your whole 'nother country.

teiso_fml 0

Tuesday 29 September 2009 12:30

Krispy Kreme is all glaze and little actual doughnut.

Ron_fml 0

Monday 28 September 2009 18:06

a true man's best friend

letitbe56 0

Monday 28 September 2009 18:15

If you needed a few drinks to unwind after work, we'd call it alcoholism, but we consider a few doughnuts perfectly normal. I really think we could do a lot to solve the obesity problem in this country if we took addictive behavior surrounding food more seriously. Look on the bright side...your dog may have saved you from a diabetic coma!