Animals: Today, after working an 11 hour shift, I decided to treat myself...

By Heww - 28/09/2009 06:41 - United States

Today, after working an 11 hour shift, I decided to treat myself to a delicious Krispy Kreme doughnut. When I got home, I sat down, put my feet up, poured myself a cold glass of milk. My dog jumps on my lap and vomits all over my doughnuts, stares at me then bites the doughnut out of my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 374

You deserved it 5 376

When Christmas Ends Badly…
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Same thing different taste

Bad boy

By Anonymous - 08/01/2016 21:57 - United States - Spring Valley

Today, I woke up early to bake cinnamon rolls for a party. I came home later to find the whole tray spilled onto the floor, most of the rolls eaten, and my dog sitting happily nearby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 815

You deserved it 4 652

By jessica - 02/02/2011 20:59 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 363

You deserved it 7 467

Bad boy

By Anonymous - 22/01/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I'd finally got home from a 15-hour shift at work and wanted to lay down and eat. I poured myself a bowl of cereal, went to my room, and sat it on my bed. My dog then jumped right on my bed and yanked the sheets off, causing the cereal to fly everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 238

By FawnPrincess - 17/11/2017 15:00

Today, my boyfriend bought my favorite doughnuts for our anniversary. After settling down and pouring a glass of wine, I grabbed a doughnut and quickly realized the filling inside wasn't jelly. He thought it would be funny to replace it with toothpaste. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 232

You deserved it 450

That escalated quickly

By lonelyharts86 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had an interview for my dream job. I was offered coffee and a donut. It was going well until I took a bite of the donut and started choking on it. I coughed so hard I ended up vomiting into his garbage can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 256

You deserved it 3 900

Yummy

By Sisi - 29/08/2016 16:49 - United States - Mesa

Today, my roommate left a bomb looking package of cookies on the kitchen counter. My sweet tooth got the best of me and I made that split second decision of, "Oh, I'll just have one." Halfway through it, I noticed the fine print, "For dogs" on the package. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 519

You deserved it 11 330

By killjoyx - 23/07/2015 18:28 - United States - Suffolk

Today, when I woke up, my dog excitedly came up to me and licked my face. A few minutes later, I find out he had thrown up twice before he licked my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 805

You deserved it 3 190

Rushed off my feet

By Anja - 05/07/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, I woke up late and grabbed what I thought was a granola bar on my way out. It wasn’t until I was halfway through eating it that I realized it was a dog treat. I had the godawful taste in my mouth all throughout the day, despite several cans of Pepsi and Mountain Dew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 498

Chillin' with Satan

By Anonymous - 06/12/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I sat down on my couch with a nice cool beer after a tough day at work. I tried opening a bag of chips. The bag exploded, covering me in chips and crumbs, turning me into a sticky human nacho. Well, my dog certainly saw me as a snack, and I had to shower and change clothes. So much for relaxing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 129

By Stoopiddogbot - 12/02/2013 13:18 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I came home to find the dog had learned how to open our stair-gate and kitchen door, devoured the entire fruitcake I'd made for a special occasion, and then vomited said fruitcake all over the fabric sofa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 522

You deserved it 4 387

iSmellNice 2

Monday 28 September 2009 16:12

I feel your pain. I love donuts.

Darsa 0

Monday 28 September 2009 16:18

At least you still had your milk :)

Comments

shootingstar8D 0

Monday 28 September 2009 22:20

Aww:)

DeathShad0 1

Monday 28 September 2009 22:55

Time to put the dog down.

aaaaa2p 0

Monday 28 September 2009 23:00

YDI for letting your pet rat out of its cage... No, for OWNING one.

bai_ley20 0

Monday 28 September 2009 23:05

i hate to say it, but i laughed out loud when i read the last part. and why is everyone so hateful on this site? yikes...

kingsolomon89 0

Monday 28 September 2009 23:48

sounds like a bitch to me.

fawfulster 11

Monday 28 September 2009 23:59

I would've kicked the shit outta him.

Fookmylyphe 0

Tuesday 29 September 2009 0:24

I guess we know who's the bitch in this relationship.

scateice 0

Tuesday 29 September 2009 0:31

OP: Get a cat And why is everyone assuming your dog is a boy?

VD007 0

Tuesday 29 September 2009 0:36

YDI, for spelling doughnuts like a brit... xD

ElMundio87 0

Tuesday 29 September 2009 1:07

doughnuts like a brit... xD doughnuts like a brit doughnuts like a doughnuts like doughnuts

RoguePenguin 0

Tuesday 29 September 2009 2:31

He deserves it for being able to spell...

rachelarr 0

Tuesday 29 September 2009 19:26

What are you even talking about?

Kanyeezy 0

Tuesday 29 September 2009 0:53

Keywords

Miscellaneous Family DIY Cats Management Work Poopoo peepee Awkward Am I overreacting? Relatable Coworkers Frustration Capitalism Animals ADHD Dogs Transportation Love Dating Health Anxiety Technology Mental health Sleep Roommate Clumsy Noise Confused AITA Parents

The Top

Today, my dad came home from work complaining about all the people he'd seen. He said he doesn't understand why so many people with problems have to confide in him. He's a psychologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 686

You deserved it 3 321

Today, I was just told by a hiring manager that the reasons I'm not getting interviews is because I have a spotty work history. My work history is spotty because my mother ignores my food allergies so she can get attention and, as a result, I'm chronically ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 198

You deserved it 208

The Top

Today, I hate my body. If I eat anything at all, even a piece of fruit, I get terrible stomach cramps, and yet if I go too long without eating, I get gassy diarrhoea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 112

Today, I found out that my divorced father is moving 3 houses down the street with his girlfriend, with whom he cheated on my mom. He will now be living 3 houses away from my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 171

You deserved it 391

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636 910

You deserved it 798 770

Today, I sent an email to my boss saying I'd fixed a glitch in our mail servers. He called me later, angrily shouting that I'd done a piss-poor job of fixing it, because my email had spammed his inbox with several hundred duplicate messages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 847

You deserved it 11 331

Today, I received an overdue bill for my now nonexistent car that caught fire in July. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 185

You deserved it 3 574

Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 718

You deserved it 10 830

Same thing different taste

Bad boy

Bad boy

That escalated quickly

Yummy

Rushed off my feet

Chillin' with Satan

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