Intimacy: Today, an exchange student was telling us how he once used a...

By Garry - 04/05/2012 21:53 - United States

Today, an exchange student was telling us how he once used a black light to detect semen stains on his "abstinent" ex-girlfriend's face. I called him out on the obvious lie, saying it's an old urban legend. He wigged out, screamed that I'm a "bastarding shite-wank" and ran out of class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 279

You deserved it 5 450

When Christmas Ends Badly…
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Same thing different taste

Experimentation is good

By Anonymous - 30/10/2019 00:01

Today, I was at my friend's place with a bunch of people. I saw a pair of panties in his laundry basket, so of course I yelled, "DUDE! YOU GOT LAID!" Turns out he didn't get laid, he was 'experimenting'. He was so mortified, he burst out crying and threw us all out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 175

You deserved it 2 481

By Anonymous - 11/02/2013 07:46 - United States - Denton

Today, I checked out a "confessions" page for my university. The first confession was from a guy who whacked off in a campus restroom then used a computer in a lab without washing his hands. I work in that lab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 470

You deserved it 3 400

Turn me on

By Anonymous - 12/01/2022 05:01

Today, the fuck boi I’ve been seeing got so interested about my only bi experience, which was light petting in high school, that I’ve started making up far-fetched embellishments to the tale. I can’t believe the stuff this guy is willing to believe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 1 867

Oh no…

By Tomato - 11/08/2017 14:30

Today, I went with the kids I work with to a roller rink, where there are tons of black lights. Under the glow, I realized in horror that an old semen stain could be seen on my shorts. Praying no one saw, or realized what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 696

You deserved it 3 581

By openmouthinsertfoot - 07/12/2010 17:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to leave my one-night stand in my flat because I was giving a guest lecture at the local university. Halfway through, I hear someone sneaking in so I jokingly asked if they had a 'wild night out.' It was the guy I slept with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 656

You deserved it 41 902

Fairy tale

By Anonymous - 24/03/2024 20:00 - Sweden - Lidingoe

Today, I found out that an annoying guy who had asked me out spread a nasty rumour after I stood him up. According to him, I not only showed up to our date, I also went home with him, had advanced sex with him, then in the morning when he woke up, I was having sex with his roommate. All our friends believe this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 585

You deserved it 336

Suspicious minds

By Anonymous - 15/05/2016 22:25 - United States - Phoenixville

Today, my college instructor told me I hadn't actually failed a big exam as he originally said. It turns out he'd mixed me up with another student. Now thanks to the power of gossip, half my class thinks I slept with him so he'd switch my grade with the other student's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 690

You deserved it 1 361

Feel the burn

By Anonymous - 07/06/2023 12:00

Today, I hooked up with a guy. After sex, I found him washing his penis with BLEACH. I asked what the hell he was doing; apparently his mother makes him do it because sex is sinful and dirty, and all unmarried women have STDs. WHAT THE… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 530

You deserved it 293

By TomPom - 25/11/2008 06:54 - France

Today, in one of the corridors at university, I was pretending to have passionate sex with one of my lecturers to make my mates laugh. She happened to walk by just at that moment. She reminded me when my next exam is; she will be marking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 311

You deserved it 37 589

By MILF - 16/04/2014 22:03 - United States - Maryland Heights

Today, one of my most problematic students remained after class, whence he strongly insinuated his interest in receiving oral sex; I tried to convey just how inappropriate that was, when he interrupted, "Look, will you at least touch it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 085

You deserved it 6 711

haidere 3

Saturday 5 May 2012 5:34

Didn't know bastard could be used as a verb.

jerseyboy732 16

Saturday 5 May 2012 5:34

what the hell is a shite-wank??

Comments

IsThatAHorse 5

Sunday 6 May 2012 3:28

Foreigners...

merrielp 13

Sunday 6 May 2012 6:31

They use black lights for that purpose

xxdark 3

Sunday 6 May 2012 7:27

This only works with higher end black lights, and only after the semen is sprayed with Luminol. The glow is the result from a chemical reaction between compounds in the semen (or blood, or saliva etc) and the Luminol. I hear some hairsprays can cause a reaction, too. But it doesn't glow under black light.. I think it goes dull, but visible. It's not a myth, though. You just have to know how to do it. There was some art piece which showed a video of a girl flashing in and out of black lighting, and she had an intricate design painted on her in semen that glowed under the black light. Cool concept, but.. eurgh!

shaggy8778 4

Sunday 6 May 2012 18:29

If you don't clean up then black light WILL reveal it...if someone tries to clean the area then u need luminal for it to show up under black light...it does not however work on skin once a person showers...

millieee92 2

Sunday 6 May 2012 20:15

what is not to get about the insult "shite-wank" he may well be American as he clearly stated the guy insulting him was an exchange student!

shrdlu 28

Monday 7 May 2012 0:31

I suppose "bastarding" could be used as a verb. If I went out with the goal of impregnating unmarried women by natural means, I suppose I would be "bastarding".