Intimacy: Today, an hour after having been turned down for sex, I walked... - FML

By Anonymous - 25/11/2012 21:34 - Netherlands - Tilburg

Spicy

Today, an hour after having been turned down for sex, I walked in on my wife fingering herself to a copy of War and Peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 481

You deserved it 4 671

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Same thing different taste

Rejection erection

By paidback - 25/12/2009 01:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 666

You deserved it 83 346

By Korisite - 30/10/2011 05:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 259

You deserved it 25 002

Waste of time

By I'mmessedup - 29/09/2021 22:59

Spicy

Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 148

You deserved it 538

Can't win

By Anonymous - 24/09/2019 22:00

Spicy

Today, I was in the mood for morning sex, but my wife told me to go wank it off in the bathroom. Three minutes later I was mid-wank when she started banging on the door because I was taking too long, and she needed to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 160

You deserved it 363

Caught in 4K

By ScrewU - 17/08/2022 19:59 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got off early from work to catch my wife screwing her co-worker in our bed. I ask her what I did to deserve this. She told me she was “lonely” and that he “always makes her feel like a woman,” unlike me. She would come home from work and I would initiate intimacy, but she would decline every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 881

You deserved it 156

Confuddled

By yosenfal - 28/04/2012 01:04 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Spicy

Today, I came home earlier than usual, only to find my wife having sex with some guy on our bed. Her reaction to being confronted was to look me dead in the eyes and to scream and scream until I got so freaked out that I left. It's her house, and I'm sitting in a library with no idea what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 031

You deserved it 4 095

By Username - 18/03/2010 08:21 - France

Spicy

Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 578

You deserved it 49 782

Sorry

By Anonymous - 23/09/2013 18:06 - United States - Olympia

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with another man. Her main reaction was to get mad at me for not knocking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 884

You deserved it 5 077

That escalated badly

By Anonymous - 19/03/2020 09:03

Spicy

Today, a blowjob from my fiancée turned into exchanged oral, which turned into mutual masturbation while watching porn, which then turned into me being kicked out of the room because it was "weird" with me watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 347

You deserved it 403

In the mood

By Anonymous - 16/10/2019 02:00

Spicy

Today, I rushed home because my wife called to let me know she was feeling horny for the first time after getting over a bad flu. I walked in the door and surprise surprise, her sister had called round, wanting sympathy after her latest fuckbuddy dumped her. Romantic mood ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 254

You deserved it 207

Next

Top comments

iShanny 13

Monday 26 November 2012 2:55

Easy fix. Memorize it and recite it for her. Boom! Pregnant. Bonus points if you do it in another language!

JJJJJakkkkeee 6

Monday 26 November 2012 2:59

Are you sure it wasn't a copy of 50 Shades of Grey with the cover of War and Peace on it?

Comments

jgriff79 23

Monday 26 November 2012 4:18

Her hand was obviously better than her partner!

zmoney2121 6

Monday 26 November 2012 4:40

Yo that sucks op

ICastillo 24

Monday 26 November 2012 4:47

Na he wished she sucked man that's the problem.

panda_lou 11

Monday 26 November 2012 4:46

Perhaps she is stressed out and doesn't have the energy to return the favor like you probably want. So she will take care of herself and then relax. Might not have something to do with you exactly.

panda_lou 11

Tuesday 27 November 2012 17:35

Thumbed down for stating a fact. Wtg guys.

Eorlas 31

Monday 26 November 2012 4:51

This is one of the best FMLs of all time. I want this printed on a shirt.

dodzin 9

Monday 26 November 2012 5:01

Make sure you a replacement for next time....

wickedninja918 1

Monday 26 November 2012 6:01

Ok could you please either restate this with a verb, and learn simple sentance structure, or don't comment. either way it's your choice

SirCharles83 13

Monday 26 November 2012 5:16

War and peace? Of all things some one would/could get off too, she picks war and peace? What the ****?

evanohevan 5

Monday 26 November 2012 5:25

Tolstoy is rather irresistable. try writing a book?

Huey_Freeman 4

Monday 26 November 2012 5:25

What the actual ****...Tolstoy?

FlyingPie 17

Monday 26 November 2012 6:49

What is this "actual ****" I keep seeing lately? Is it as opposed to a theoretical ****?

Zebediabolical 39

Monday 26 November 2012 5:33

Real men hide War and Peace behind 50 Shades of Grey!

evanohevan 5

Monday 26 November 2012 5:59

Also,(I feel compelled to add this) I hate to be the bearer of bad news but I'm afraid there was a naked photo of me in the pages of that book. sorry OP

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Keywords

Love Cheating Work Money Relatable My ex Jealousy Accident Health Medication ADHD Snow Weather Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts

The Top

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves, so I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview, I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202 644

You deserved it 52 013

Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 668

You deserved it 3 982

The Top

Today, my entire family is giving me the cold shoulder, including my parents, for not going to my sister's wedding. No one seems to care her new husband bullied me so badly in high school that I still need medication for my anxiety 15 years after graduating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 776

You deserved it 434

Today, at lunch I was running to my group's table with my friend. She accidentally tripped me, and I slid across the café floor face first on my belly. The whole cafeteria was silent. They then broke out in hysterics when the head janitor ran up to me and yelled 'SAFE!' like a baseball umpire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 255

You deserved it 12 441

Today, I went to various attractions in Singapore throughout the day. Then, I visited Singapore Night Safari, a zoo with a theme at night. Besides dozing off throughout the train excursion, my night blindness ultimately prevented me from seeing more than 40% of the creatures. The ticket cost me USD$40. FML

I agree, your life sucks 233

You deserved it 757

Today, I heard water splashing outside of my house; I investigated it, only to find my dad, whom I don't live with, syphoning gas out of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 086

You deserved it 2 974

Today, I was at the grocery store when I bumped into my ex. Trying to be polite, I asked how she was doing, only for her to reply, "Great, thanks! I'm actually getting married next month." Meanwhile, I was standing there in a Garfield t-shirt clutching a carton of Ben & Jerry's and a bottle of cheap wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 215

Today, I found out I'm allergic to condoms. Which would be great if my girlfriend wasn't allergic to birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 411

You deserved it 4 539