Kids: Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled...

By Failed Parent - 11/10/2012 06:59 - United States

Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 938

You deserved it 4 641

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Same thing different taste

By sadmommy - 23/04/2012 22:51 - United States - Keller

Today, I discovered that last night, my son snuck downstairs at 3am, drank two glasses of my very expensive wine, threw up on his bed, and then slept in his own vomit. My son is 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 552

You deserved it 6 202

By diddlebuag - 27/05/2011 22:09 - United States

Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 047

You deserved it 6 251

By don'tdrinkthat - 03/11/2013 22:27 - United States - Quincy

Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 268

You deserved it 4 827

What happened?

By ....ew - 05/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 420

You deserved it 169

By Ramis182 - 03/10/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 758

You deserved it 6 028

By A-64 - 08/05/2012 20:48 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, against my wishes, my son snuck out of my house to go partying. When he came home, I called him in so I could properly discipline him. While I was talking, he staggered to our fish tank, pulled open the lid, and vomited straight into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 399

You deserved it 5 225

By windsoffate - 09/06/2016 16:46 - United States - Portland

Today, as I was getting ready for work, I heard a noise almost like someone was puking all over the bathroom floor. When I went to check, my 14-year-old son was puking all over the bathroom floor. The toilet, however, was pristine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 647

You deserved it 959

Who gave him that?

By Ewyucky - 21/06/2022 06:00 - Canada - Wilberforce

Today, my 3 year-old son projectile vomited on me. I was covered head to toe in blue Gatorade vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 904

About to Popov

By badmom - 27/03/2009 18:42 - United States

Today, I was packing my son's lunch and we'd ran out of water bottles. I asked my 16 year-old to run to the store. She didn't want to, but gave me one she had. After dropping my son off, my daughter frantically told me she'd made a mistake. I sent my second grader to school with a bottle of vodka. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 331

You deserved it 17 978

By herpmonster - 23/06/2012 16:59 - Italy

Today, I stepped out for some fresh air while I waited for my clothes to dry at the laundromat. Just as I was retrieving my clothes, a disheveled-looking kid staggered over, pushed me aside, and started vomiting his guts out all over my fresh clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 189

You deserved it 1 971

JoeRogansBEARD 15

Thursday 11 October 2012 16:00

Like a rhinestone cowboy

whatadaydanny 12

Thursday 11 October 2012 16:01

He had an awesome night.

Comments

DusktheKat 12

Friday 12 July 2013 22:29

NIKKI MANAJ

Capt_Colorz 8

Tuesday 18 February 2014 4:03

sounds like a good night to me

Ki11erC 18

Friday 11 April 2014 22:24

Sounds like he had a good night.

ShutTheFuCupcake 7

Monday 13 October 2014 23:48

what a ******* legend ahaha

Elfkid21 19

Monday 24 November 2014 0:52

some kids are going to do what they want, despite how you raised them.

mikuxxhatsune 32

Thursday 13 August 2015 13:43

bottle sip, bottle guzzle, im a bad bitch no muzzle hey!

dilliedill 13

Tuesday 8 March 2016 20:29

pound the alarm!

RageWolf16 31

Wednesday 13 April 2016 20:29

Leave him there

Ciela 22

Tuesday 4 July 2017 19:01

I NEED the follow up

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The Top

Today, on a movie date with my boyfriend, it took me a while to understand why he was leaning on his elbow during the entire thing. He had an earpiece cupped in his hand and was listening to a soccer match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 228

You deserved it 1 706

Today, at work at an OB office, I heard a ruckus in the hallway before a very large woman burst into my room and tried to attack my very pregnant patient. Crazy lady is the wife of the pregnant lady’s baby daddy, who is nowhere to be found. I don’t get paid enough for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 64

The Top

Today, I got turned down by the person who has been wanting to date me for five months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 259

You deserved it 1 075

Today, my wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 077

You deserved it 5 500

Today, I was at a concert and the guy who was selling the drinks tripped and fell down the stairs, landing on the floor next to me and the drinks went all over. I went to make sure he was okay and helped pick up the drinks. After assuring me he was okay, he gave me a free soda. It exploded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 707

You deserved it 13 811

Today, I was attacked by a duck. I thought I was higher on the food chain than that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 673

You deserved it 3 910

Today, I reached into my wardrobe to get ready for the day, when something hairy tickled my hand. Imagine my shock seeing a fully-grown wolf spider staring me down from a coat hanger. I grabbed the can of bug spray and let him have it. Half the can later, I now need to re-wash my entire closet. Damn arachnophobia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 421

Today, I went for a much needed relaxing massage. As I lay down, the renovation works in the next building started up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 451

You deserved it 1 422

Same thing different taste

What happened?

Who gave him that?

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