Money: Today, I accidentally adopted a dolphin for $125. FML

By Optimus_Prime97 - 03/05/2012 02:39 - United States

Today, I accidentally adopted a dolphin for $125. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 935

You deserved it 31 806

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Same thing different taste

By violated ._. - 22/08/2013 22:45 - United States

Today, I did something I'd always wanted to do: I went swimming with dolphins. It was really fun, until I went to kiss the dolphin, and she slipped her tongue half into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 317

You deserved it 15 396

By Anonymous - 17/04/2009 11:49 - Malaysia

Today, my family and I went to a beach where you could swim with dolphins. I was a little scared to swim with them so the trainers had a 5 minute chat to me about how they were harmless creatures. Once I got in, the dolphin attacked me and bit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 807

You deserved it 7 555

By Betchsadface - 13/07/2010 04:34 - United States

Today, I got bitch-slapped by a walrus at Sea Life Park. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 774

You deserved it 10 795

Cough up

By anbrown6 - 12/04/2009 17:55 - United States

Today, I found my dog, who had been missing for over a month, at the local pound. Clearly it was my dog, she responded to her name and cried when she saw me. However, the woman there told me I could not simply take her, I had to follow through with all policies. I paid $250 to adopt my own dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 267

You deserved it 9 892

By Anonymous - 28/08/2011 11:29 - Australia

Today, I bought a new goldfish. While leaving my fish on my balcony to go get fish food, I hear a loud squawk and splash, I race outside to see a bird flying off with my fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 409

You deserved it 43 025

By Jayman223 - 10/02/2017 09:00 - United States - Reno

Today I adopted a dog. He ran away the same day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 744

You deserved it 1 163

By Bubba - 23/09/2009 20:48 - United States

Today, I bought a fish bowl and a fish for $15. I brought him home and sat him on my desk. Everything was going well until the shelf gave out and his bowl slid off of the shelf... onto my $2,000 computer. The computer is fried and is not covered by the insurance, the fish is fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 673

You deserved it 11 077

By That idiot - 28/08/2014 02:33 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I won a goldfish at the amusement park. My little brother took him out of the bowl because he thought he was drowning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 407

You deserved it 3 625

By bels12 - 05/01/2010 05:15 - Australia

Today, I bought a new Siamese Fighting Fish. I was so happy with my new fish so I bought him an expensive lovely bowl, some weeds, and a toy for the bowl. I left the room to get the fish food. When I returned, the fish was gone, and the cat was sitting on the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 915

You deserved it 9 349

By Fish Breath - 03/06/2016 22:26 - United States - Bloomington

Today, as part of my job at a pet store, I helped our frat house president pick out goldfish for the new aquarium the big brothers are installing over summer break. And, once I'm initiated, I'll get to swallow one of the fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 035

You deserved it 4 130

YdoIhaveAchode 4

Thursday 3 May 2012 8:19

How do you "accidentally" adopt a dolphin?

waresjake 3

Thursday 3 May 2012 8:23

You're going to get so many bitches with a dolphin

Comments

dejah_costa 0

Thursday 3 May 2012 23:12

How do you accidentally buy a dolphin

I_lost_the_game 25

Thursday 3 May 2012 23:17

My heart melted at your sweet comment to 13.

KiddNYC1O 20

Thursday 3 May 2012 23:19

I'm reminded of the The Dark Side of Dolphins.

ELL10TT203 0

Friday 4 May 2012 0:01

How the hell do you adopt a dolphin, you high!?!?

ArielTheMermaid 17

Friday 4 May 2012 0:11

So many questions......

lilny5613 10

Friday 4 May 2012 0:11

Do me a favor and name him steven

Kira_Hadfield 8

Friday 4 May 2012 0:28

How drunk were you bro?

Herculesninja27 5

Friday 4 May 2012 0:35

What in the ***** name haha that's hilarious how is this accidental?!?

ginglederf 6

Friday 4 May 2012 0:55

Well, I can't think of an upside to this.

aali12 7

Friday 4 May 2012 1:16

Awesome! Saving dolphines!!

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Today, I dressed up nicely to see the guy that I like and have been talking to for the last 3 months. Just when I thought he was finally going to ask me to be his girlfriend, he told me that he's actually had a girlfriend for 3 years now, but was too afraid to tell me because he really likes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 148

Today, I came home to my drunk husband, to find that he raided our fridge and freezer to soothe his beer munchies. That would have been fine, had he not eaten the top tier of our wedding cake I'd been saving to eat on our first wedding anniversary, which is in 4 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 214

You deserved it 14 071

The Top

Today, I went to get a physical, forgetting I'd shaved my pubes the day before and still had bad razor burn. My doctor told me I had "dicken pox" and was prescribing me with shaving cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 510

You deserved it 7 240

Today, I have been trying to stop sleeping during the day, so I decided to clean my room to keep myself awake. Four hours later, I woke up on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798

You deserved it 140

Today, in my psychology class we were covering OCDs. I have an issue with creased paper and my best friend brought it up, so for the next hour my class mates sat screwing up paper to see how long I could continuously have a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 218

You deserved it 6 879

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with candles and a sexy outfit. When he came in, he insisted that we needed music to help set the mood. Thirty minutes later, he's still searching for a song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 036

You deserved it 3 104

Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 660

You deserved it 2 462

Today, I found out my now ex-girlfriend had only moved in to spite her mother, not because she loved me. Five months of falling in love, just to find out I was just being used to get back at her mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 603

You deserved it 160

Same thing different taste

Cough up

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