Miscellaneous: Today, I caught my new neighbor sticking his knob inside my car... - FML

By wildwonder808 - 12/08/2013 22:47 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I caught my new neighbor sticking his knob inside my car and pissing on my seats. His reason? I parked in his spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 417

You deserved it 8 070

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Same thing different taste

Introductions

By Mayshod - 03/05/2011 12:04

Today, I met my new neighbors when they backed into my parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 224

You deserved it 2 806

Car Wars

By no car - 04/08/2020 17:04

Today, I came outside to leave for work. To my shock and horror my car was gone. My asshole neighbor, who has parked in my spot multiple times decided to let her noisy guests park in my parking spot, so I parked in hers. She had my car towed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 039

You deserved it 413

By carssuck - 02/02/2012 10:28 - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket for parking in my neighbors' parking spot. I parked there because my neighbors were parked in my parking spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 429

You deserved it 2 533

By Anonymous - 12/08/2019 04:01

Today, in my tidy, small-town neighborhood, I parked my car 50 metres further back from my usual spot just across from our house on a half-empty public street, because it was taken. Apparently, someone didn't appreciate this. So much so, they put a used condom under my windshield wiper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 511

You deserved it 136

By Des - 18/06/2018 15:00

Today, my new neighbors moved in across the street. Also today, they began to park at the end of my driveway. Not used to a car being there, I backed out and promptly hit it. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 354

You deserved it 1 140

By mickstinator - 25/06/2009 15:37 - United States

Today, I was parking my car outside of my apartment, but the big truck next to the spot went over the line. I squeezed in anyway. Later, I discovered the truck had left and someone keyed my car. They left a note saying, "Good parking job, asshole." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 274

You deserved it 7 235

By jason - 24/04/2009 13:24 - United States

Today, I came home to find a car parked in my assigned space. Pissed off, I left a note on the car's windshield saying, "Hey Assface, thanks for parking in my spot. I spat on your door handle." It turns out it was my girlfriend's parent's car. They took us out to dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 280

You deserved it 76 753

Call the fuzz

By towel please! - 10/03/2022 09:00 - United States

Today, I found out the day manager has been illegally entering my apartment when I’m not home. My car was in the shop, so when he saw my parking spot empty, he came right on in. I was just getting out of the shower and was standing stark naked. He didn’t even try to explain. Just smirked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 849

You deserved it 93

By jackpot - 09/05/2011 01:53 - Venezuela

Today, I was in a parking lot looking for a spot, and after driving around for a long while I finally found one. A homeless man was taking a shit on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 461

You deserved it 3 023

Don't mind me

By Anonymous - 16/04/2012 12:38 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 017

You deserved it 3 398

Next

Top comments

nightfire2258 24

Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:28

Why did you leave your windows open? Pay him back by pissing in his house!

whyusofat 17

Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:29

Shit on his car

Comments

lickastick 27

Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:36

I mean you did park in HIS spot...

Wowxoxo 17

Tuesday 13 August 2013 9:11

We've all heard of handicap parking, but asshole parking? That must be new..

lickastick 27

Tuesday 13 August 2013 9:24

Asshole parking is definitely not new.

Philerup31 12

Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:37

That Sheldon Cooper is out of control.

DenBriZel 31

Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:39

Sheldon Cooper strikes again!

jennababe98 9

Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:42

Well that's a shitty situa...wait. Wrong FML?

misspulkadot24 17

Tuesday 13 August 2013 20:18

There is no "right" FML for your comment.

Zebediabolical 39

Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:42

Is it assigned parking spaces? If so you still don't really deserve it but you're a douche for parking in his spot. If it isn't take a dump in a bucket and pour it into his car on a hot day.

stormchaser24 24

Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:42

Lock doors and close windows? Now go shit in his car

Obey_StudBoii 23

Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:43

Thrash his tires and put bleach in his engine.

subiedude08 17

Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:44

Terrible just terrible attempt at a pun

GetPuckedUp 3

Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:44

and this is why you always lock your doors and roll up your windows!

Obey_StudBoii 23

Tuesday 13 August 2013 8:45

You tried You failed.

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The Top

Today, my step-dad was talking about how he was raised in Las Vegas, telling stories about him and his buddies, until he stopped, looked right at my mom and said, "Find her, feed her, f*ck her, forget her. But I never forgot your mom, that's how I stole her from your dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 464

You deserved it 4 174

Today, I went to get gas for my car. While waiting in line at the cash register, I was next person, and I noticed the cashier had her name tag on her boob. I like to know other people’s names, and the name tag said Irene. The cashier saw me looking at her breast so now I'm not sure if she thinks I’m a pervert or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 283

You deserved it 169

The Top

Today, I regret asking my neighbor to turn down his music last night. When I left for work, I found his car parked so close to mine that I couldn't squeeze between them. His wife's was parked the same way on the other side. They wouldn't answer their door and I ended up being late to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 463

You deserved it 2 253

Today, while waiting outside a liquor store for my boyfriend, a drunk guy leaned over my shoulder, took a large bite out of my burger, and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 695

You deserved it 4 340

Today, I got sneezed on by a fully grown man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459

You deserved it 101

Today, at work at a gas station kiosk, a man requested a carton of cigarettes. We keep our cigarettes on a high shelf. I'm short and very large chested so I have to jump in order to reach the carton. He said, "I only come here for the entertainment" and left without purchasing his cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 948

You deserved it 4 017

Today, I flicked the bean so hard I fainted. I was in the shower and ended up coming to a few seconds later. I’m now too traumatized to use my vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 543

Today, I confessed my love to a guy I've been flirting with for months. He then decided to reject me through a poem on Facebook for all of our friends to read. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 591

You deserved it 4 141