Health: Today, I decided to be healthy and make a fresh juice out of...

By howaboutthemcarrots - 14/04/2015 15:08 - Finland - Laajalahti

Today, I decided to be healthy and make a fresh juice out of carrots and apples. Apparently, something had gone bad and now my asshole feels like a bomb just went off inside it. Good start to a healthy lifestyle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 352

You deserved it 4 200

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 26/10/2015 04:42

Today, after finishing a bottle and a half of pure cranberry juice to flush my bladder for a possible infection, I've been spewing liquid shits all day, my asshole burns and it hurts to sit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 543

You deserved it 5 753

Irony at a base level

By SterlingEnigma - 25/09/2009 08:43 - United States

Today, I decided to start making healthier decisions. Instead of the usual cheeseburger I have for lunch I ate an apple instead. I took one bite and broke one of my teeth. Apparently, apples keep the doctor away, but not dentists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 344

You deserved it 7 383

By Anonymous - 18/05/2011 07:26 - United States

Today, I ate some hardboiled eggs for breakfast, not knowing they were practically rotten. My whole day has consisted of vomit-inducing sulfuric farts and diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 365

You deserved it 9 331

Food ****

By Anonymous - 11/06/2021 22:01

Today, I decided to start eating healthier, so I had fruit and yoghurt for breakfast and a chicken salad for lunch. My stomach violently rejected both meals in a fountain of vomit. I later ate a giant McDonald’s meal with no issue, and felt loads better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 339

First time for everything

By Anonymous - 02/02/2024 06:00 - United States - Hoffman

Today, I've been sneezing and coughing and not feeling well, so I decided to go to the grocery store to get some bone broth and some orange juice. Shortly after grabbing the orange juice, I felt like I had to pass gas, except it wasn't gas, it was diarrhea. At 35 years-old I pooped my pants in the grocery store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 161

How d'you like them apples?

By an Apple a day my ass! - 11/10/2021 08:00 - United States

Today, in an effort to curb my drinking, I’ve tried eating an apple whenever I got the urge, which worked wonderfully for a couple of days, until the sudden influx of fiber in my diet caused me to violently shit myself miles from home. I was wearing shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 267

You deserved it 253

Downhill

By loveinanelevator - 13/02/2012 12:03

Today, I visited the doctor. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 694

You deserved it 2 694

Nice imagery, dude

By Anonymous - 30/04/2022 10:00

Today, I ate something that didn’t agree with me. Now I’m in the bathroom and my butthole is dry heaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 738

You deserved it 122

Bad sandwich, bad week

By Anonymous - 07/09/2019 12:02 - Korea Republic of

Today, I went to the doctor's. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 790

You deserved it 112

Geyser

By awhmaaan - 27/02/2012 15:55 - United Kingdom

Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 070

You deserved it 5 819

saffy66 34

Wednesday 15 April 2015 0:27

Are you sure something went bad? If you've been eating unhealthy and low fibre food, it may just be your body's response to the sudden influx of raw juice and fibre. Sometimes you need to start slow when making dietary changes. But good on you for doing something positive for your health.

xxDragonHeart_fml 10

Wednesday 15 April 2015 0:20

You'll start a healthy lifestyle with clean intestines.

Comments

DolphinLaser23 24

Wednesday 15 April 2015 0:18

No pain no gain am I right

Shadowvoid 33

Wednesday 15 April 2015 3:08

Well I mean won't OP lose weight in the process of this? So lots of gain for little pain

xxDragonHeart_fml 10

Wednesday 15 April 2015 0:20

You'll start a healthy lifestyle with clean intestines.

PinkiePiePony 19

Wednesday 15 April 2015 0:21

That must not have been just carrots and apples unless something went bad. Carrots and apples don't usually burn on the way out.

erizonkim 17

Wednesday 15 April 2015 12:40

It was obviously stated that something has gone bad.

netflixislife 15

Wednesday 15 April 2015 0:21

Try to stick with the ripe fruit and vegetables.

laden_swallow09 34

Wednesday 15 April 2015 1:46

Try reading again.

roxzanne22 20

Wednesday 15 April 2015 0:23

Hopefully the detox will give you a good start for your healthy eating. Try to use fresh ingredients in future! : )

AlchemistEd 12

Wednesday 15 April 2015 8:30

they probably were fresh. apples in a decent amount will have a laxative effect. combine that with influx of fiber, more liquid than the body requires and enough fructose (slightly more complex sugar) to make the bacteria in the gut go nuts... well this is a forseeable thing to happen.

roxzanne22 20

Friday 17 April 2015 2:14

Ah - I didn't know that! Thanks : )

saffy66 34

Wednesday 15 April 2015 0:27

Corey122726 17

Wednesday 15 April 2015 2:25

Apples are high on that list of natural Laxative. I have babies so if we needed to make them poop my wife would drink apple juice. Next day they would poo their brains out. So if it was concentrated with mainly apples, I'd have to say that plays a solid (or not so solid) part of your issue.

mattrd_fml 31

Wednesday 15 April 2015 5:01

When your wife drinks juice it makes her babies poop??

Ironmayhem 22

Wednesday 15 April 2015 5:56

I'm guessing she was breast- feeding

Corey122726 17

Wednesday 15 April 2015 12:16

You clearly don't understand how the whole baby thing works #40. Anything mother eats or drinks, the baby will get through mothers milk. Maybe go back to sex ed...... Or pick up a book.