Health: Today, I decided to get back into shape. I went for a jog around...

By Anonymous - 09/09/2011 13:36 - United States

Today, I decided to get back into shape. I went for a jog around my neighborhood. The ice cream truck followed me for my whole jog, mocking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 081

You deserved it 4 265

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 16/02/2012 03:59 - United States

Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 296

You deserved it 2 904

By see you next cunt - 18/03/2014 19:44 - United States

Today, about 10 minutes into my first jog in months, someone in a car started following me, yelling stuff like "Oh my god, it's Shamu!" and "Run faster, fatty!" I ended up breaking down in tears before he finally sped off, roaring with laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 959

You deserved it 5 133

Vicious bastards

By Anonymous - 25/12/2020 22:01 - United Kingdom - Runcorn

Today, I decided to go for a jog to try and get fit. I definitely got my exercise in, because I was mercilessly chased by a goose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 157

By Anonymous - 09/05/2009 14:48 - United States

Today, I decided I would eat healthy in order to lose weight. Feeling powerful, I threw away all of the icecream in my freezer. An hour later, I picked the icecream carton out of the garbage and ate the entire half-melted carton. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 427

You deserved it 119 187

By Anonymous - 09/05/2012 01:59 - United States - South Salem

Today, I heard the ice cream truck. Being the idiot that I am, I ran down the steps and almost immediately fell down them. I needed four stitches. I didn't even get my ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 082

You deserved it 9 584

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 07:14 - Australia

Today, I finally went running to help me start losing weight. I got 50 metres before someone in a passing car shouted out "Run fatty, run". I can't work up the courage to go for a run again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 086

You deserved it 7 404

You can't win

By fatty fatfuck - 10/05/2020 17:00

Today, after losing my job and being quarantined alone, I realized I've gained quite a bit of weight due to depression. I decided to do something about it and walk around my neighborhood. A group of teens followed me laughing and hurling insults until I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 292

You deserved it 231

Not-so-biker chick

By Kris - 24/09/2023 10:00 - Canada

Today, I thought it was about time to learn to ride a bike as an adult. I wobbled down the street, lost my balance, and crashed into a parked ice cream truck. The owner yelled at me, and I was left with a bruised ego and no ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 580

You deserved it 205

By SeeTony - 19/11/2009 07:33 - United States

Today, I decided to begin jogging since my weight was getting a little out of control and I wanted to do something about it. Guess who tripped on a root and broke their ankle? Yeah. Exactly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 867

You deserved it 5 525

By Rizma - 27/11/2014 15:12 - France - Grâces

Today, I went off for a jog. Outside, I saw my really cute neighbour, so in an effort to appear fit, I accelerated and kept my head up. As I got close, I smiled at him, just as a huge fly flew right up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 989

You deserved it 4 573

CamberwellCarrot 8

Friday 9 September 2011 19:01

You should've mocked the loser who drives an ice cream truck for a living.

NoobHat 6

Friday 9 September 2011 19:01

How you kept running is beyond me, I'm powerless before an ice cream sandwich.

Comments

eln3mo13 8

Saturday 10 September 2011 6:25

you should be careful. it could be Herbert...

bert26 7

Saturday 10 September 2011 6:51

Good motivation. I see nothing to complain about.

ohmandapants 16

Saturday 10 September 2011 7:13

Well! You showed that mean old ice cream truck didn't you! You were running AWAY from it, not AFTER it. That's progress :-)

E_ve 9

Saturday 10 September 2011 8:50

Lol... Resist! We know you can do it! ;) Good luck

captainfalcon7 0

Saturday 10 September 2011 9:06

the ice cream truck was following you? or were you running after the ice cream?

decidedlyvague 11

Saturday 10 September 2011 9:29

why eat the ice-cream when you can eat the whole truck? Drivers are pretty delicious with a side of metal

dansco 24

Saturday 10 September 2011 9:54

Did you run through a park?!

VianaJ_Garcia 14

Saturday 10 September 2011 10:05

So, you are that fat? Wow! What have you been doing in the couple of years?

michaeljcaboose 7

Saturday 10 September 2011 14:30

A solitary killer, the ice cream truck stalks its prey.....

asia3pea90 13

Saturday 10 September 2011 14:31

this sh*it is hilarious...

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The Top

Today, I went with my girlfriend to her parents' house. They told me I smelled of cheap vodka. When I told them I worked in a bio lab and used ethanol a lot, they said I was too stupid to do anything like that. My girlfriend broke up with me because her parents think I'm a drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 937

You deserved it 3 418

Today, I went over to my mom’s place to attempt to help her clean up, as she’s a hoarder. I was devastated to see that in order to make room for all the unnecessary new crap she buys, she stored all of our childhood toys, photos and the like outside in uncovered bins. It’s all completely ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 125

The Top

Today, I promised my husband "unlimited butthole access" if he'd get off his video games and help me with my homework. He pointed out that this was the fourth time I'd promised him that, and that since I never followed through the last three times, he wouldn't be doing a thing. Well, shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 1 231

Today, I was so excited to finally use my $45 gift card to a hair salon. I walk up to the doors to find them locked, and to look inside to see that the salon was not only closed, but out of business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 913

You deserved it 4 869

Today, at the store, I noticed a girl eyeing a chocolate bunny. Her mom refused to buy it, saying they didn't have enough money. She started crying, so I decided to make her day and offered to buy it for her. Her mom reacted by slapping me across the face and calling me a "pedo." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 694

You deserved it 8 603

Today, no matter how hard I try, I just can’t recognize a funeral procession when I see one. It just looks like a bunch of cars to me. I should probably get off the road for good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 652

You deserved it 349

Today, I broke my own no contact rule with my ex, begging him to come back. He simply replied, "Stop begging. It's over." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 817

Today, my husband who asked for a divorce four days ago announced his engagement on Facebook. His new woman's profile picture is my engagement ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 877

You deserved it 3 505

Same thing different taste

Vicious bastards

You can't win

Not-so-biker chick

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